Are we narcissists?

[Dust]

Narcissists crave attention.

My goal is to go skirted WITHOUT gaining attention. Something I am increasingly seeing though don't believe it will ever be a non issue. Just like women can still get unwanted attention based on clothing.

Answer the question?

Yeah, that's basically my answer as well. I want to wear my skirts in peace without it drawing attention, like it's completely ordinary. It's not the attention it used to be, but it's still not something I can just do without considering the situations I'll be in and who I'll be around.

It's going to take time. I realize that. I'm a lot younger than many on here, and I still think I'm doing this more for the next generation, so they won't deal with what I have to. I'll deal with the unwanted attention, so they can have what I always hoped for.

I'm not perfect, not even close, but I feel like, if anything, I avoid the attention more than I should. I feel like as guys we are taught to keep our heads down; to shut up and blend in. That's a hard lessen to unlearn...

[Mouse]

One sees so many photos nowadays of people taking selfies with their phones. I consider that exercise blatant narcissm.

Tom

But we have to do that if we are to post in the "Pics and Looks" section....

[moonshadow]

Back in 2008, when the economy tanked, me and those I worked with sat in a meeting with the owner of the company I worked for. It was a difficult year for everyone, including the one that signed my paycheck. The meeting started off grim until the owner told us of a brief exchange he had with another service man in eastern Virginia....

He was doing very well despite the recession. When my boss asked what the secret was for his success during these trying times, he response was something I have invoked many times when times seemed hard...

He said [regarding the economic situation] "I choose not to participate".

So I have resolved to follow this guidance once more... I "choose not to participate".

That's remarkably akin to the proverbial ostrich sticking its head in the sand.

Whether we like it or not, we are all subject to what are known as "externalities" that happen whether we "choose to participate" or not. These include things like the car you don''t see in time that mows you down, falling due to a stray bullet somewhere, or getting cut down financially to make some billionaire more rich.

I don't think that's what he meant, and that's not how I practice the advice.

I think he meant not becoming a victim of circumstance.

Of course, we have to participate to some extent in society, but we don't have to participate in the FEAR, the WORRY and the UGLINESS that we see all around us.

Why should I? What can I do about it? Nothing, that's what. The world is ugly, and I'm simply not going to stoop to that level. I choose not to participate.

I can understand and even sympathise with that thinking, but it's just self-delusional. An act of someone who has lost all hope.

I suppose it's fair to say I've lost all hope, in a manner of speaking. I am just trying to accept this world for what it is.

But there is beauty in the world, and plenty of it. You just won't find it in the media, and it doesn't come with a price tag.

I've seen so much beauty my friend. The kind of beauty that stops you cold, pierces your soul and makes you weep. That's what I want to participate in, not the ugliness that too often gets shoved in our faces.

[Modoc]

Another box to be lumped together in YIPPEE!!!

[crfriend]

Another box to be lumped together in YIPPEE!!!

It's only when it manifests as bad or inappropriate behaviour that it becomes a problem -- and likely a mild case of it is actually beneficial. The problem comes in when one regards one's self as more important and "worthy" than anyone else in the room (or world) and that's what causes the issue.

[Modoc]

It's only when it manifests as bad or inappropriate behaviour that it becomes a problem -- and likely a mild case of it is actually beneficial. The problem comes in when one regards one's self as more important and "worthy" than anyone else in the room (or world) and that's what causes the issue.

In my mind, the problem occurs when we start applying blanket labels to everyone in a particular group: i.e., "All men who wear skirts are narcissists."
I am unwilling to accept anybody's blanket label based on armchair psychology. What is the delineation between individualism and narcissism?
I don't want to appear combative but I resist the idea that someone can attribute a label to a group of people and then have those people even consider that that could be true.
I have often said that I don't care much what people think of me as long as they seek to do me no harm. If it makes their lives easier to dismiss me as a narcissist, then oh well. That doesn't mean that I have to agree.

[crfriend]

In my mind, the problem occurs when we start applying blanket labels to everyone in a particular group: i.e., "All men who wear skirts are narcissists."

That statement is just plain flat false, and anybody with a lick of knowledge about psychology knows it. It's as patently false as classifying any male who wear a skirt as being trans-*. In short, utter BS.

I am unwilling to accept anybody's blanket label based on armchair psychology.

I'll have a go at that one here and now. Individualism is the capability of an individual to function solely on "internal guidance" for extended periods of time and not be terribly stressed by it, no matter what the circumstance. Contrast that to the reaction of a true narcissist, who will lose control almost immediately when confronted with something outside their immediate field of expertise and have no clue on how to respond to the stimuli received.

Narcissists require an audience to be happy; individualists are quite content plying their own course in the world -- including things and experiences that may be entirely new to them. The difference should be immediately apparent.

I called out a prime exemplar in the post that got me cancelled (and I have composed my letter of resignation already as Master Barista here because of that, but have not yet submitted it and it remains undated) -- and that's one heck of a lot different from an individualist. Do not confuse the two.

[Dust]

One sees so many photos nowadays of people taking selfies with their phones. I consider that exercise blatant narcissism.

Tom

But we have to do that if we are to post in the "Pics and Looks" section....

I think Kirbstone has a point with the selfies, but I don't consider snapping a pic of an outfit for sharing or assessing an outfit the same as the trend of holding your arm out and snapping a picture of your own face everywhere you go. The latter is what I think of when I hear the term "selfie" and I do see it as a bit narcissistic. Not to say everyone doing it is a full blown narcissist, but I think it can tend to lead in that direction if one isn't careful.

I think I could say the same about a lot of the "influencer" type content as well, regardless of what direction they claim to be trying to influence us all to go... But a lot of the "influencers" are just trying to get famous and make money. It's a kind of business, just like being a radio or TV commentator, just using a different kind of media.

[DrFishnets]

I’m an extremely modest guy so I’m certainly not a narcissist. When I dress in skirts, dresses and tights I do it for myself and to feel good and look different which I like. I certainly don’t think I’m any better and not any worthier than anyone else. In fact I am hard on myself and self critise myself a lot of the time.

[TheSkirtedMan]

By definition influencers are narcissists. If you throw it out there and rub it in other peoples' faces

Agree.

I see MIS and related as people just expressing themselves and not so much "LOOK AT ME".

No, MIS are not narcissists in my opinion. For me we are individuals expressing freedom of choice, expression and individuality just as all others do for themselves in all aspects of life. I wear my choosen clothing choice because I prefer it to the dull menswear of limited choice. I acknowledge it is very different for men, within a small minority, therefore I will stand out, look like I am attention seeking but that is not of my doing but the actions of others. That is why I, and othe MIS's, are not narcissists.