'Appropriate dress'

[kiltair]

Hi,

Some of you may remember me from the early days of 'Tom's Café' and Chris' Atrium. Although I wear a skirt/kilt nearly everyday, I don't post much anymore: there isn't much to say...

But last friday, something noteworthy happened. To celebrate my wife's graduation, we went into a restaurant. It's called 'The Cook and the Taster', it's quite fashionable and trendy, serves french cuisine with an international taste. However it used to be better previously. (It has changed owners last March).
Upon entering, I was denied permission as I was not appropriately dressed. I wore an ankle-length dark brown dress without sleeves. The cut and the finishing were definitely male. My wife wore a similar outfit and she could eat (alone) if she wanted.

Consequently, I wrote the following letter to the Belgium council for equality between men and women (http://www.iefh.fgov.be/ShowContent.asp ... 26&lang=en)

Let's see what comes out of it!

Greetings,
Jan (from the medieval town of Mechelen in Flanders)
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(loosely translated from original dutch)

Dear madam, sir,
As my wife has finished her studies, I invited her to a dinner at 'The Cook and the Taster' [adres..].
We were greatly surprised and humiliated that we were denied entrance as I didn't wear 'appropriate' clothing. No further reason was given.
In my opinion, a restaurant can refuse admission to persons if they are not well dressed, but they should not discriminate on the basis of gender.
My wife and I were both well dressed. She wore a cotton sleeveless blouse with a matching skirt. I wore an ankelength dark brown dress. This dress [ed.:robe] as clearly of a masculine cut and finishing. It resembles a kaftan, but is more fitting and has a modern cut.
I don't find it acceptable that a restaurant, that calls itself 'trendy' discriminates on the basis of gender; If I'd been a woman, there wouldn't have been a problem.....

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ps. For those who read Dutch, here's the similar thread in the Dutch forum:
http://groups.msn.com/rokvoormannen/gen ... 1294638888

[boca]

Thank you for your post!

I can see a stuffy "High Nosed" french restaurant doing such a thing :shake:

I applaud your sticking with your guns and reporting the issue. The dress you describe is definitally would seem "appropiate" in such a setting, and it wasn't like you were wearing a pink tutu to dinner

[Bravehearts.us]

Hi Kiltair,
I know what you mean about not having anything to say. After a while it seems like we are saying the same thing over and over. At the same time, for those of us who have been into this for many years or are so use to it because it’s a way of life, we come down with the “been there, done that” and “I’ve heard it all before” syndrome. For us it’s old hat but for many our words are new and refreshing. The newbies have a lot of fears and questions that we have had answered for us many times over though our experiences. So don’t get too discouraged by thinking you have nothing important to say. For many, your words are like the guiding light.
Your post about your experience is very interesting. It would have been informative if you could have included a picture of your dress with your post. I think a lot of us would have liked to see it, not to make judgments but just out of curiosity.
I went to the council for equality site that you wrote the letter to and looked around briefly. One of the things that caught my eye right away was how they intentionally turned the phrase “men and women” around to read “women and men” and then went on to claim to be combating any form of inequality based on gender. (Created in December 2002, the Institute for the Equality of Women and Men is a public federal institution mandated to ensure and promote equal opportunities for women and men and to combat any form of discrimination and inequality based on gender.….) (The Institute’s primary focus is to anchor firmly this notion of gender equality in society so that it becomes de facto and de jure in mentalities and practices.)
I personally felt subliminally duped and felt that if they were truly being honest it would read better and would be more convincing if it read… “The Institute for the Equality of the genders” or “The Institute for gender Equality.”
As far as the discrimination at the restaurant is concerned…I’ve always been against the exclusivity of male/female clubs, clothing restrictions such as having to wear a tie or jacket to get in to have dinner, etc. The thing is they get away with it because there are so many loop holes and excuses they use that are legal. It just irks me. You must have been totally embarrassed. Maybe you can make yourself feel better if you ask yourself, “would I really want to be in the company of that caliper of people?” I wouldn’t.
Lar

[talon2mech]

As far as the discrimination at the restaurant is concerned…I’ve always been against the exclusivity of male/female clubs, clothing restrictions such as having to wear a tie or jacket to get in to have dinner, etc. The thing is they get away with it because there are so many loop holes and excuses they use that are legal. It just irks me.
Lar

I am not sure that I would ever want to go and dine at an establishment that has such an uptight dress code. I think it is good for a restaurant to ask its patrons to look nice for ambience, but a suit and tie for men is ridiculous.

I think it is funny and tragic, but in the US most places are afraid to tell women "no" or say anything about their attire due to fear of discrimination lawsuits.

[kiltair]

Well, I have a CD lying around with *professionally* taken pictures of me. Most in black kilt, some ankle-length skirts,.. They were taken on the monumental staircase of the Palace of Justice in Brussels. Next week we're in France. In September we're in China. Maybe I should find time in between to put these pics on my website! (http://users.telenet.be/jbruyndonckx/)

I agree that the Center of Equality is more oriented towards women's rights than men's... but if they live up to their name, they should take my case seriously...

greetings,
Jan

[Bravehearts.us]

Well, I have a CD lying around with *professionally* taken pictures of me. Most in black kilt, some ankle-length skirts,.. They were taken on the monumental staircase of the Palace of Justice in Brussels. Next week we're in France. In September we're in China. Maybe I should find time in between to put these pics on my website! (http://users.telenet.be/jbruyndonckx/)

I agree that the Center of Equality is more oriented towards women's rights than men's... but if they live up to their name, they should take my case seriously...

greetings,
Jan

Jan,
I didn’t recognize you from your post until I went to your Website. God, it’s been a long time. You’ll notice a lot has changed around here. Send me an email if you get the chance. Good to hear from you.
Lar

[kiltair]

Hi,

I've enclosed the 'inappropriate' dress!
We returned sooner from our holiday in France because of the bad weather. As I am still in 'holiday' today, I'll spend the rest of the day updating my website...

Greetings!
Jan

[Skirt Chaser]

I'd be interested for a look at her dress that was deemed formal enough. It may just be that she was dressier. From the photo your dress appears casual to my eyes. What did your wife think of your clothes? Did it seem formal enough to her?

Quiet Mouse

[kiltair]

Quiet Mouse,
My wife's dress was about as 'formal' as mine. She wore a light cotton dress with floral print. No or very short sleeves.
My attire was formal enough for my wife. She found it looked good on me and certainly appropriate for the restaurant. It's a restaurant that touts itself as 'trendy', not classy or stiff (that's the kind of place my parents prefer
Greetings,
Jan

[MtnBiker]

Jan, I love that! I do not see how that could be inappropriate anywhere at all, save a nudist camp.

[binx]

Must have been the sandals...

binx

[Since1982]

I have a "jumper" that looks a lot like that. It has a zipper in the rear. A real pita...I think I'll move it where you have yours. Much easier for getting in and out of. For those that don't know all American Slang, pita = pain in the azz

[kiltair]

Since1982,

The brown dress has 2 zippers: one on the side and one on the shoulder. Both zippers are long (about 30 cm) and all-metal. My black dress has one metal zipper that crosses the chest.

I find it important to use clearly visible and metal zippers as they enhance the 'masculinity' factor. But then also without overdoing it.. It's often a thin line, much more so with dresses than skirts.

Greetings,
Jan

[Since1982]

To me, that garment really doesn't look like anyone's "dress" it looks like a typical male garment that might have been worn by some Gallilean with long hair and a beard in Nazareth.

[Sylvain]

To me, that garment really doesn't look like anyone's "dress" it looks like a typical male garment that might have been worn by some Gallilean with long hair and a beard in Nazareth.

But you know what happened to him!