A New Approach to Explanations of My Skirt Wearing

[Departed Member]

Hi y'all,

I've stumbled upon a new approach to explaining to people why I wear a skirt or a dress as a man, and I thought I would share it with y'all for your interest. I tend to struggle with communication at times, and as I struggle with depression and lack of confidence at times, there are times in my day or in my life where I just can't bear the stares or comments/questions concerning my skirt/dress wearing as a male and I don't have the energy, patience, or desire in me to share my reasons why I wear a skirt with others. True, sometimes it's as simple as saying "because I can," or "Because its comfortable." But these reasons are sometimes not sufficient for some, and as I am believe fear or hatred of someone or something stems from ignorance (i.e. a lack of knowledge) of/about that person or thing, and as I am an educator by profession and enjoy explaining new things to people and seeing them apply it in their own lives, I have decided upon this new approach of educating people about male skirt/dress wearing, should they be interested in learning more about it. To do this, I have taken an approach from my childhood, when I used to hand out little cards with an explanation about my having Tourette's Syndrome and that being the reason why I was making funny movements or noises and that I couldn't help it. I have decided to do the same thing, handing out a card with a brief message on it briefly explaining why I am wearing a skirt/dress and where they can find more information about why I wear a skirt/dress as a man and male skirt/dress wearing in general. If they choose to want to educate themselves more, then great! If not, they loose out on a great learning experience. Here's the message I will likely put on my card to hand out to people who stare, make comments, or ask questions. It'll save me a lot of anxiety when I feel verbal explanations are not possible for me at that time:


"Hi, I’m (name)! I’m an American & yes, I’m a man wearing a skirt/dress.

I wear skirts & dresses because they are very comfortable & I like them. If you would like to know more, please visit:
http://clothinglogic.blogspot.co.uk/

Thanks for understanding & not judging!
Have a great day! ☺"

I'm hoping to clean up the webpage I designed to go along with the card, as provided in the link in the card message, and add a bit on there about my perspectives on gender, clothing, and male skirts/dress wearing from the perspective of a Mormon.

Feel free to use this idea if you feel it might work for you and help you in your daily skirt/dress wearing as a man.

-Potbelly

[crfriend]

"Hi, I’m (name)! I’m an American & yes, I’m a man wearing a skirt/dress.

I wear skirts & dresses because they are very comfortable & I like them. If you would like to know more, please visit:
http://clothinglogic.blogspot.co.uk/

Thanks for understanding & not judging!
Have a great day! ☺"

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you might get some more traction if you get somebody to critically proofread that site (if it's more than one or two pages, it's a site). Even in non-critical scanning-mode I encountered a couple of whoppers. (Rule one: Do not trust the spelling checker to pick up on grammatical or entirely wrong-word gaffes.)

When I'm not feeling strong enough to carry the skirted look with grace, confidence, and aplomb, I default back to trousers. It's easy enough to do and makes a lot of sense because not all of us are one hundred percent "on" day-to-day. The main determinant I use is to size up how my psyche is functioning in the morning as I'm figuring out what to wear. Putting a skirt-rig together sometimes takes some work, and if I'm not up to it there's probably a reason -- most likely distractions from other quarters, but a bit of a "barrier to entry". If I'm especially "down" for some reason, and would not be able to acquit myself well in a conversation over, "Why?" I'll absolutely go for trousers. There is no shame in this; we all have "good days" and "bad days", some in larger proportions than others. We need to learn to roll with it.

With the above being said, If I felt unable to properly express myself and defend my thesis that skirts on guys work, then I'd opt for trousers instead of carrying a piece of paper. Think about the trees; if one cannot interact in a compelling way with others a piece of paper is a very poor substitute for conversation. The only exception to this is if someone really wants to know where you got your {insert garment here} -- in that case, a business card is entirely appropriate or an offer to write down a website address or other contact information.

[Departed Member]

Maybe it is a silly idea. I just thought I'd give it a try, see how it goes...

[Sinned]

Ptblly, you're doing yourself a disservice and putting yourself down unnecessarily. Crl isn't trying to dissuade you, just adding some guidance from his point of view. It's not a silly idea and may work in some circumstances, for you and others. What Crl has said is true in general but there are occasions where confidence or mood just doesn't come into it. For instance we may be late for an appointment and rushing past when someone stops us and we have no real time to explain so a card may just provide any link that may be better than none. Or we may be with someone and it may not be appropriate to go into explanations. So no, the idea isn't silly, you just have to think through when and where it may be appropriate to see if it justifies being taken further.

[DonaldG]

Potbelly, I like your idea. Although I've not yet been asked about my skirt wearing, it would be useful to be able to hand someone at least a link to some appropriate web pages. I'll need to create a suitable web page, but meantime I thought I might simply add something to the business card I already carry.

Another idea I've been thinking about for some time is a slogan T-shirt something along the lines of this (only with a better picture of a couple both wearing skirts!):

Denim_skirt_rediscover.jpg

Something to wear when just doing ordinary things while wearing an 'ordinary' skirt rather than an 'ordinary' pair of jeans.

[crfriend]

Ptblly, you're doing yourself a disservice and putting yourself down unnecessarily. Crl isn't trying to dissuade you, just adding some guidance from his point of view.

I absolutely was not trying to discourage Potbelly. What I wrote was intended as constructive criticism, not a put-down.

[Gordon]

I have to admit that I've had similar thoughts as the OP about handing something out. However in my "so far" real life experiences there hasn't been a need. No one has said anything except one guy at a home show I went to. It was my third time in public in a skirt. He asked if I was comfortable. I said yes and that was that. It makes me wonder how often the OP gets confronted as well as others.

[Couya]

I have nothing against the card hand-out idea, nor against the t-shirt with a slogan, but in my own experience, neither have ever been called for. Only rarely has anyone asked my why ...? It is so easy to answer "because it's comfortable", or "why not?" or "why are you wearing trousers?" and so on, that I have never felt the need to go into detailed explanations. For one thing, I doubt people really want to know my opinions, for another, however many reasons for the skirt I may give, it's unlikely I'll change their ideas. I have never felt the need to defend myself (in any case, being on the defensive will not project a positive image) for the way I dress.

Unlike Carl, I have not felt the need to squeeze myself not trousers again, and I hope to remain that way, not having run onto any situations that made me think I would have been better off wearing more conventional clothes.

Martin

[Caultron]

I've never felt the need for a card either, but I guess if you have trouble speaking, it might be an option.

For me, I just have a collection of stock answers I rattle off. Like, "I've been wearing pants my whole life. I'm tired of it," or, "One good thing about being an old man is that you get to be a crazy old man," or just, "It's comfortable."

Others:

• Are you Scotch?
  No, but I drank some once.
  
  Why are you wearing a kilt to a hockey game?
  I like hockey games.
  
  Try it, you'll like it!

Or if it's a couple and it's the woman who asks, look at the guy, raise an eyebrow, and tell him, "See, she likes kilts! That might work out for you..."

But no matter what, confidence is key. Be friendly and never let 'em see you sweat.

[pelmut]

...For me, I just have a collection of stock answers I rattle off. Like, "I've been wearing pants my whole life. I'm tired of it," or, "One good thing about being an old man is that you get to be a crazy old man," or just, "It's comfortable."

Others:

• Why are you wearing a skirt?
  To cover up the bits you're not supposed to see.

But no matter what, confidence is key. Be friendly and never let 'em see you sweat.

Absolutely!

[Kingussie]

Potbelly,
I've had a look at your site and I think you're on to something here. Like all such projects, it will need tweaks and refinements but keep at it. You're off to a good start.

[dillon]

I don't think that a one-size-fits-all answer is appropriate for every curious person. I have found it rare that people come right out and ask why I am in a skirt. Typically they might comment about the style, or any other roundabout way of approaching the subject, without appearing prurient. More often they smile and try to make pleasantries; perhaps some are simply being Southern, but others are covering their curiosity. The way their eyes fall to my skirt usually gives it away, but I don't really mind. I'm usually happy with my style and that's what matters. But each exchange is different, and I like to afford them the chance to approach the subject without imposing my own presumption about what they may be thinking or wondering.

[DTSA]

I remember a few years ago when I bought a Macabi Skirt they gave away cards to give out to people interested in the skirt. It contained all the ways you could wear a Macabi and website details.

[Caultron]

Dillon:

Oh, I agree, normal conversation is best. I only use the snappy comebacks when someone asks me the direct question.

As to normal conversations people start up, I take those as natural curiosity and acceptance. I've never had one end unpleasantly. Self-confidence and a smile go a long way

[ethelthefrog]

Sometimes, I wear a T-shirt I got from Amazon that depicts a skirted guy leaning against a wall, with the text "real men wear skirts". It works quite well, even though I do take issue with what a "real man" might be (I'm real and I'm a man, so I guess I'm a real man...)

Once, last year, I covered for my wife running the church children's Sunday school in a skirt; one of the kids asked why I was wearing a skirt, so I replied "to cover my pants" (pants being what you wear under your skirt/trousers in this country) and moved on. Some of the parents grinned at my reply, but it was a non-issue.

Everything depends on context, a large part of which is how you're feeling in yourself that day. Generally, I stick with what I said to the Sunday school, or go with the comfort angle. I haven't had anything worse than genuine curiosity in the five years I've been doing this.

Paul