The Old German Sheperd

[Uncle Al]

From a friend of mine




An old German Shepherd dog was chasing rabbits and squirrels
one day when he saw a mountain lion heading rapidly in his
direction with the intention of having him for lunch.

The old dog quickly realized he was in deep, deep trouble.

Noticing some bones on the ground nearby, he immediately settled
down and started chewing on the bones with his back to the
approaching mountain lion. Just as the mountain lion was about to
leap on him, the old dog said loudly,

"Wow that was a very delicious mountain lion! I wonder if there are
any more mountain lions around here."

Hearing this, the young mountain lion stopped his attack in midair
with a look of terror, and slinked quietly away in the trees.

"Whew!" said the mountain lion, "That was close! That old dog nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from
a nearby tree, figured he could put this knowledge to good use and
trade it for some protection from the old dog. So, off he went.

The squirrel soon caught up with the mountain lion, spilled the beans
and struck a deal for protection from the old dog with the mountain lion.

The young mountain lion was furious at being made a fool of and said,
"Squirrel, hop on my back and you’ll get to see what's going to happen
to that lying old dog!"

When the old dog saw the fast-of-foot mountain lion racing toward him
with the squirrel on his back he thought, "What in the Hell am I going to
do now?" But instead of running, the old dog just sat down with his back
to the mountain lion, pretending he hadn't seen them, and when they got
close enough to hear, the old dog said...

"Where's that damn squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to find me another
mountain lion to eat!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with an old dog... Age and skill will always overcome youth
and treachery! ******** and brilliance comes only with age and experience.

Uncle Al

[Sinned]

Since we are into jokes:

A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard.
'"I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly",' the Chinese man said, "but on one condition." "If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man'".
"OK,", said the man, and entered the house.
Over dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 1....Large rock on chest.".
"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about."
He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he, jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted towards the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3....Right testicle tied to bed post."

Sinned

[skirted_in_SF]

Sinned,
I knew there was a reason I keep to myself when confronted with all of the beautiful Asian woman who crowd the sidewalks of this city.
Well that and the fact that they're young enough to be my daughters or granddaughters.