Joke for Uncle Al & others

[r.m.anderson]

Posted 08 November 2012 - 09:19 PM
In the Brotherhood of the Kilt Forum
Enjoy !

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.


The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:





To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2005

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.

I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

xxxxx
I could not pass on posting this - especially for Uncle Al !

"Skirt-Kilt-ON"
rma

[Sarongman]

Priceless! I can't beat that, but will contribute anyway

Computer Viruses[/
BULIMIA VIRUS--eats up all your files then spews them out all mixed up.

PRO_LIFE VIRUS--Won't let you delete a file no matter how unwanted it is.

PRO CHOICE VIRUS---gives you a choice about whether or not to delete a file, even
when it knows you definitely want to delete it.

ELVIS VIRUS---your computer gets slow and lazy and makes horrible sounds.

ALIEN VIRUS---invades your system in places where no virus has ever been before.

CONSULTANT VIRUS---tests your system then sends you a bill for $750.00

[Sarongman]

OKAY, TRY THIS!
A woman dies and goes to heaven. While in line she hears a bloodcurdling scream, very unheaven like indeed. Very disturbed, she floats over to St. Peter to see what the deal is, "Oh that's just that woman over there. They;re drilling holes in her back so they can attach wings to her." The woman is taken aback by this, and while thinking about this, the screaming starts again. IT's even louder and more horrific than before. THe woman looks questioningly at St. Peter.
"Oh, now they'te drilling holes in the back of her head to attach the halo". At this, the woman tells St. Peter that she'd rather go to hell. "Are you sure?' he asked It's terrible there! You'll be sodomised and raped!" "That's okay" says the woman "I already have the holes for that!"