Finding Myself on the horns of a dilemma here.

[GothScot]

Hi Cafe,

Okay, in short. Some of you know the uni I'm at, the first glimpse any of the people in my department had, I was in a skirt, one of the Tripp ones with the zips and chains on them. Our campus is fairly open to LGBTQ matters, or so it puts a brave face on it. I shouldn't be reluctant to pull on the tights and skirt of a morning and go in, the occasional "obviously not a physics major" jock driving past, yelling some slur from a passing vehicle. University is the last chance many people have to be themselves, right?

Here's the spanner in all that.

We gained a student in the department who is in transition. The exact term is gender dysphoria, and while I tried to talk to him/her to let him/her know I wasn't taking the mickey, I have to say something got lost in the translation. More than a tad unpleasant. I know he/she must be a raw nerve having presented one way when school started and then coming clean with everyone, but I started out there in a long skirt, even though I don't wish to be female (my girlfriend's glad about that. Got a great one there. Not only is she okay with me wearing a skirt, she prefers me in them. She's even sewing me one right now. Can you say "keeper"? I hope so, but all good things, right?). Some people have even said not to because he/she is there.

I'm worried now if I dress how I want to, he/she is going to get all huffy and make life difficult. We love to litigate as a society. "See you later" is now "Sue you later."

Thoughts?

[Kirbstone]

I suppose if this Transition Person is now in your department you must necessarily run into each other frequently. However, it is not for him/her to dictate to all other males in the Uni what they may/may not wear.
As you aren't at all pretending to be female or transitioning or whatever I think the onus is on that other person to decide not to be unpleasant towards you. Presumably you address her as she, which I assume she wants people to do.
As for sueing....What grounds? Think nothing of that. Just rejoice in your girlfriend who adores you in skirts, and long may it last. Bravo!

[crfriend]

From my reading of that, it seems that you were there first and your department and others know that. So, if the individual "in transition" has a hard time with it s/he can be told to ignore it because it has precisely nothing to do with him/her. If s/he has a problem with what you're wearing, like your "obviously not a physics major", that's her/his problem -- not yours, unless the other individual decides to start something.

I must admit, that's great about your girlfriend! Consider yourself extremely fortunate.

[Big and Bashful]

I reckon, you tried to explain that you weren't digging at them, you have done your bit. I would just carry on with your life and let them get used to life at your university.
You will get used to them being around, they have to do the same.

That's my theory!

[STEVIE]

Carry on as you are.
She, I have also met a couple of "trans" people, will either gain a friend or not, the choice is yours' both.
Remember that we are a minority, so is she, but that does not mean you have to be "best mates", just co-exist as peacably as possible.
This is the same for anybody, anywhere, anytime regardless of anything else.
Meantime, enjoy uni, and good luck.
Steve.

[Milfmog]

Remember that we are a minority, so is she, but that does not mean you have to be "best mates", just co-exist as peacably as possible.
This is the same for anybody, anywhere, anytime regardless of anything else.

Stevie has pretty much summed it up.

I'd add that being true to yourself and honest with the world around you is by far the least stressful way to live. There will undoubtedly be times when stress levels rise but, over all, honesty is still the best policy. I'd say that you should continue to dress to please yourself. Behave well and over time even the most sensitive and PC types will come to realise that you have as much right to be and express yourself as every other student and that you are not doing it to take the mickey out of anyone else.

Have fun,


Ian.

[N0HEQ]

Correct me if I am wrong here. Anyone transitioning from male to female should be dressing as a woman. Women these days wear pants rather than skirts or dresses. So the new imitation woman must be wearing pants to avoid intense scrutiny. I just have to laugh when I see a fake woman dressing like women of the 19th Century rather than the modern woman of the 21st Century. Skirts & dresses are increasingly becoming the domain of ordinary heterosexual men, guys like you & me. I leave the looking like a woman bit to my dear wife, a 100% biological female from the very first minute of her life.

[crfriend]

Anyone transitioning from male to female should be dressing as a woman. Women these days wear pants rather than skirts or dresses.

The original post was not specific as to the "direction of 'transition'" so we shouldn't read too much into that. For all we know it might be an XX wanting to "transition" into an XY rather than the other way 'round, although XXs can dress and behave as XYs usually without repercussion whereas XYs dressing and behaving as XXs usually get a whole lot of grief.

The crux of the issue, however, is that the presence of this new individual in the mix should not force a change in the behaviours of the folks already in the environment -- certainly not when it comes to what they decide to clothe themselves in so long as they remain decent (within the local culture's definition of "decent"). So long as everybody in question is civil and respectful then things should work out; however, if the newcomer/interloper is out to cause trouble then it's the newcomer who needs to be shown how things work not the other way 'round.

[Pythos]

This kinda thing is just amazing. I have gotten into some dustups with Transitioning people. They seem to conciser me as less than a person because I DON'T feel the need to go through a process I personally see as a result of our rigid guidelines of what is male and what is female, instead of just accepting people for who they are. This has only happened once or twice though.

The person that has gotten into it with me was showing all signs of self hatred, a very common thread in the CD community itself. Man, the self hatred is devastating to the person as well as others. The notion that what we fashion variants do is a disease is very very prevalent in those circles. I don't know how many times I have said "stop treating it like a disease"

As far as this person in transition is concerned, they have absolutely no right or grounds to dictate what you can and cannot wear. NOT A ONE. I give you kudos too. When I was in college I wore my leggings outfits and the occasional skirt...well I think the skirt was only once sadly. It was fun. I know I deterred many a romantic rendezvous, but that is their loss for being so damned shallow. Some of the pieces of refuse they ended up with compound that notion.

At the same time, be supportive and friendly toward them, if they allow you to. They may be a self hater, and on the other hand they may be unsure of their decision.

[ethelthefrog]

Correct me if I am wrong here. Anyone transitioning from male to female should be dressing as a woman. Women these days wear pants rather than skirts or dresses. So the new imitation woman must be wearing pants to avoid intense scrutiny. I just have to laugh when I see a fake woman dressing like women of the 19th Century rather than the modern woman of the 21st Century. Skirts & dresses are increasingly becoming the domain of ordinary heterosexual men, guys like you & me. I leave the looking like a woman bit to my dear wife, a 100% biological female from the very first minute of her life.

I think you're wrong.

Anyone transitioning from male to female should be dressing how they damn well please.

She's not an imitation woman.

And comparing her to your "100% biological female" wife suggests that you think that she (the trans person) has no right, in your world, to be considered a woman. At the risk of sounding more PC than sane, I'm going to call you on that attitude. It is not acceptable, in decent society, for one individual to demean another, either for dressing like a 19th century woman, or for suffering with gender dysphoria.

[ethelthefrog]

To address the subject of the thread, I agree with other posters. You should dress how you wish to. If this offends the trans person, so be it. If she wants to talk to you about it, you can honestly tell her that you wear skirts because you want to, and have been doing so since long before you met her and will continue to do so long after your paths diverge. If she wishes to be your friend, fine; if not, also fine.

Her feelings are likely to be a little fragile, as trans people find themselves a) living in the wrong body, and b) living in a society that generally treats them as freaks. If she's over-sensitive, that's understandable, but not, ultimately, your problem.

[couyalair]

If only the public would stop equating anatomy with clothing, everyone would be happier.
I've never met anyone wanting to "transition" as you call it, and know nothing about the phenomenon. It seems to me that a man would only want to become a woman because he has so assimilated the gender=clothing theory, and so he thinks that the sex change is the only legitimate way to get to wear skirts.
Seems a bit drastic -- especially as modern women wear trousers.
If we had not drummed this theory into children's heads, and if, by avoiding the subject of homosexuality, we did not prevent children from thinking perhaps men could enjoy sex with other men, would anyone really be so unhappy that they were prepared to undergo radical surgery?

Should we not be free to wear the clothes we enjoy, and/or enjoy sex with the people we prefer?

As for your worrying about what the trans person feels or thinks about your clothes ... !
If they don't worry about what other people think about their sex change, why should you bother?

Martin

[Big and Bashful]

I have only known one transsexual, he had been female when at school, apparently he had been a tomboy then, I would never have guessed that they had once been biologically female. I believe that some people are genuinely born with a male head in a female body, or vice versa. Very different from being gay.
These things go much deeper than clothing, or so I reckon.

[straightfairy]

I believe that some people are genuinely born with a male head in a female body, or vice versa. Very different from being gay.
These things go much deeper than clothing, or so I reckon.

This ^^^
From what Little I understand, those with gender dysphoria have an early sense of being in the wrong gender body, that can be apparent at primary school age onwards and has nothing to do with being gay or straight.
For those who are genuinely diagnosed in time, treatment can start at puberty, as that apparently greatly increases the chances of successful transition (i.e. they will look much more like their genuine gender) and somewhat reduces the chances of mental health problems.

[Since1982]

Being old in America and not "up" on all the new terms, WTHDLGBTQM Please?