Milestone...

[JRMILLER]

My reasons for skirting are all the obvious ones that many have mentioned on this site over and over again -- it all boils down to "I just plain like them". However, when I read people's accounts of their skirting activities, fear and worry play a huge part of the experience too. Anyone who has read my posts know that I too have fear over skirting and that I probably worry too much about it.

Thus, my number 1 reason for skirting is to face my fear and eliminate my worry about this issue. I face my fear by wearing my skirts and kilts in ever challenging situations. That's the only way I know to deal with fear, to meet it head-on.

My wife has been my number one detractor and without her support, it had been a much harder hill to climb. However, we are making progress, she can still get herself all twisted up over my skirts and will hold that angst in for days! Then she blows and we have a long talk and everything settles down again. When she is in the right frame of mind (from my point of view of course), she is actually very helpful and playful with respect to my skirts and kilts. She has had a really hard time with this issue and I think some of it stems from her own feelings of insecurity and self-esteem. Over time, I believe my skirting will benefit both of us.

On our recent vacation I wore a sarong-like skirt about town at night on Isla Mujeres, island off of Cancun, Mexico. I did post a photo in the picture sections, see it here: http://www.skirtcafe.org/forums/viewtop ... &sk=t&sd=a

We were with another couple on this trip who knew about my kilts, but didn't know I also had an interest in skirts. The only comment was from the gal, she related as to how she was a nonconformist in the 70's. Since she later went to work on Capitol Hill, I guess things changed for her. A Mexican shopkeeper asked if I was Scottish (I was wearing the sarong, not a kilt). Got a chuckle out of that!

In any case, for the most part I was wearing my skirt around strangers which is much easier than wearing a skirt around friends and peers. I have been wanting to wear a skirt to my chorus rehearsal which consists of 90 adult men and women. These are people I know, respect and trust. I have worn my kilts to rehearsal and mixers with these folks, but never a skirt.

I have been trying to get up the nerve to go for it and it finally came together last night. Last night's rehearsal was to be short 1-1/2 hour rehearsal followed by a mixer complete with cookies and juice.

I donned a full-length brown corduroy skirt with a really nice, soft lamb's wool navy sweater. I also wore knee-high navy colored socks and blue sandals.

I have to admit that it was hard just to get myself out the door and into the car to head for the rehearsal, but I managed. Upon arrival, got a few raised eyebrows, but no-one said anything right off. I guess they already had me pegged as a little odd for the kilts.

During the rehearsal, I was "planning" for the mixer afterward by reminding myself to be "present", that is, not worrying about the skirt or what people would think, etc., etc. The plan was to be confident, present and to answer any questions anyone asked honestly and truthfully.

During the mixer I spoke with several people and the conversation was mostly about chorus and performance and not at all about the skirt. I did talk with one recent college grad who was curious about kilts, so we had a long discussion about kilts and skirted garments. Then, there was a gal who said I reminded her of a "monk", probably because the skirt was full and reached nearly to the floor and because of the sandals. I assured her I wasn't a monk.

All in all, it was a good night. No one ordered me from the room, no one shunned me (at least that I was aware of). I would say for the most part the skirt sparked some curiosity, but little more than that.

I was reasonable compliant with my own standards of behavior, I did remain very present (it's hard not to be present when you are wearing a skirt). My answers were truthful and honest to the questions I did receive.

As I wrote above, my main goal for wearing the skirt to the rehearsal / mixer was personal growth by eliminating the fear associated with skirting. To be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with your peers, in a setting where working together as group is critical to success, but still be able to "be yourself" and wear something you like, but is clearly out of the norm in this culture. To be a contributing part of the group pulling for the same goal, but able to be an individual at the same time.

I reckon that last night was a bold step forward toward this goal, but there is more work to be done.

I have the insight that learning to eliminate and control the fear encountered in this setting will also help me with fear in other areas of my life and I am excited as to where this might be leading me as a person.

My wife faces the same issue and has the same opportunity for growth. The root emotion for her is also fear, she is afraid of what other people think about my skirts, she is afraid of what I "am" or what I may become, she is afraid of being abandoned and having to fend for herself. She is learning to control her fear and to overcome it. I am also excited about where this is leading her as a person!

Imagine, unafraid to face the world, unafraid to take another step forward. Where would we go, what would we do, what would we release if we were all truly unafraid? Fear runs deep in our culture, it's taught to us by our schools, our churches and our government. It's no wonder that it so rampant in our culture. Funny that skirts may lead the way out to the light!

[TomH]

Thanks for posting that -john. I wear a skirt all the time, normally, but like you, still have a couple reservations. I have also challenged myself to 'go ahead and do it', which turned out the same way. I am wearing myself down...

One thing different for me, my wife is totally onboard and doesn't see why it should be a problem. In fact, if a conversation comes up while she's near, she has and is likely to say, "I wear the pants in our house". That could be taken more than one way, but it causes a laugh and it doesn't matter in the long run. Anyone that gets to know us learns how we are in real life.

Tom

[JRMILLER]

Tom,
Thanks, my wife is also using that line about the pants. It certainly is a twist on history!

How long have been wearing yourself down? Years? Months? Decades?

[crfriend]

I was contemplating John's commentary about fear, confidence, and the conquering of fear as I drove home from work this afternoon, and second his experiences. I feel that I've grown more confident and self-assured since I took up skirts, and I feel that I have a greater measure of control over many situations that I quite sincerely doubted before. Interestingly, it's not the stereotypical "male confidence", either, which can manifest itself in cockiness, but rather a very quiet serene sense of power and control over my own fears. I find that invigorating.

[JRMILLER]

Carl,
Yes, that's it exactly! What is emerging is the ability to control my own life, to take charge. I can't control the macro events that surround my life (like the recession), but I do seem to have some control over how it impacts me. Who would have ever thought skirts could lead the way to something like this?

The longer I live, the more I find Hamlet's immortal words to be true: "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

[TomH]

Wow, I hadn't really looked lately -john, but by the time I joined this group, I had been working into skirts for more than a year, so that gets me to more than four years. I guess actually five. No wonder it seems so normal now...

I have to say, I still had doubts until I found this site and reading what others are doing has sure helped my confidence level a lot. It's great being around people that have a mind of their own.

Tom

[kiltsrawesome]

Fantastic post John! It was great to read it

I see what you mean by its easier to wear a skirt around strangers instead of your peers. In high school my friends thought I was crazy for wearing a skirt, and wearing it around town was a lot easier. Though now in college my friends love the fact that I wear them, and this one girl asked me, "Why are you wearing that?" My friend Alex said, "Why not wear it?" lol

Your story was quite good!

[nicothoe]

I also enjoyed your story, and have to agree with with you that wearing a skirt does give you an extra boost of confidence. When dining at a restaurant, I have found myself actually enjoying being the only guy in a skirt...and in many cases....the only person!

I have only been doing this for 6 months or so, but already it feels very normal.