Skirting in Ohio

[JRMILLER]

My wife and I spent the night at the Rider's Inn, a very old stagecoach Inn which now operates as a B and B. We generally meet there with friends and some family members to listen to a particular gal sing.

Discussed whether or not this should be a skirting event for me and wife agreed to give it a try. We did not warn any of the friends and family and for the most part, they didn't know anything about my skirting interests.

Donned a full length brown cord skirt with a Blue sweater and came down the stairs into the commons area. Friends immediately asked "what is this" upon which I told them. We were seated and other family arrived. No family noticed until I got up for a trip to the restroom. Wife reports they asked her questions while I was gone, wanted to know what was going on. She did her best to tell them, but it was difficult for her. I know she is sensitive to what people think. She also says each time I walked to the restroom that evening, several eyes followed me with a multitude of odd looks from the tavern crowd.

I didn't notice any of it, I kept my head up and walked like the "normal" guy I am.

I had a good evening, my wife was upset and told me so when back in the room later. We had a heart to heart talk and I think she will be OK. She apologized the next morning for making such a big deal of it.

The family was from my side, we haven't tried this on her side yet. I want her to be a lot more comfortable before we try that.

We have also agreed to make some out trips in areas where we are not known, but I know the result will be similar to the crowd in the Inn -- just curious looks and such.

This has been a lot harder on her than me and we are taking it slow, but I consider this trip to be a step forward and the day will come when I can freely decide "what do I want to wear today?" and not worry about offending anyone!

[Pleats]

First time out among family/friends may be easier with a kilt. That would be my first choice to minimize the impact. With some (well ok, most) of my relatives it might not make any difference. They would be against it on principle Once the conversation is open then discussion of skirts as an alternative to the kilt can be presented. It takes a lot of courage to show up at a family get-together in a skirt when none of those in attendance know anything about your MUG interests.

Keep us informed as to any fall out and good luck.

[mugman]

That was a big step to take John. And the consequences were probably predictable, if no-one was aware of your skirt wearing. But it's done now, and they will no doubt get used to it in time.
I have to agree with Mike in that a kilt is an initially less controversial hint to relatives and friends that you don't always wear pants. It's a lot easier explaining the preferred comfort of a kilt, to that of a skirt which most people are bound to read in a more imaginative and questioning way.
Once they've got used to the kilt, they will have got used to your preference for MUGs, and then might not question so much the gradual interspersing of skirts. Mix it all up. Confuse them into submission.
They'll surely realise that, underneath, it's still the person they've always known, but now with just a wider and more adventurous choice of wardrobe.
Good luck from here on in!

[JRMILLER]

Yes, I probably should have planned it out a little better and talked to them beforehand.

For groups of people that know me, do you think I should announce my intentions ahead of time? For instance, I am a member of a small chorus and I would like to be able to attend rehearsal in a skirt. Do you think I should spent a few minutes with the group prior to the skirting event to tell them of my interests and warn them that the skirt will be in tow at the next rehearsal? Or do you think that's way over the top?

[Milfmog]

Do you think I should spend a few minutes with the group prior to the skirting event to tell them of my interests and warn them that the skirt will be in tow at the next rehearsal? Or do you think that's way over the top?

I can only comment based on my own experiences, but with that caveat I offer the following:

To introduce individuals to my sartorial preferences I generally just do it. No warning, no hints, I just show up like it's the most natural thing I could do. Questions asked are easily answered one to one so I don't feel the need to advance warn them. (The first time I did this I was at the pub when a friend rang my cell phone and said he and his dog would join me; I had to have another beer to build up a little dutch courage before he arrived. However after a little incredulity and a picture taken on his mobile (and sent to several other friends!) we just slipped into our normal conversation as if he'd always known me in a skirt.)

Groups are harder to manage as they may well ask questions between themselves, which I obviously don't get the chance to answer. If there are any members of the group that I meet individually I have just introduced them to my choices as above then when I attend a group event the next time (trousered) I soon find out if the person I originally "told" has been sharing the information as I get a barrage of questions but they tend to be addressed to me as banter and can easily be dealt with, next time I meet them I'll be skirted unless I received some very heavy hints that it would not be appreciated (so far I've not encountered any real negativity, just surprise and occasionally confusion).

If telling one person does not produce any feedback, introducing another person to the skirts or just showing up skirted next time are the two options I'd consider. What seems to happen when I go to the group is that those in the know act as allies and offer a defence of my choice before I even get to open my mouth.

If you only ever meet members of the coral group en mass it may be harder, but I guess I'd be inclined to go for the simple approach of just turning up skirted, but in sufficient time that we could get past the obvious questions and banter before starting the planned activities. If the group is inclined to be very conservative it might be worth asking one of the more respected members (not necessarily the person "in charge") whether s/he thinks anyone would mind if you were to wear a kilt or skirt to the next session but if you ask for "permission" you have to accept the risk that it may be refused.

Feel free to disregard the above if you think it's wrong for your circumstances.

Have fun (and don't forget to tell us what you decide and how you get on),


Ian.

[mugman]

In knowing the people, to some extent, that will be your 'audience', only you will know how best to play it. As individuals they will all have their different attitudes on most issues, especially, one would assume, towards a man in a skirt. If your colleagues know you well, it's more difficult than if they are only on nodding terms.
It's not something I could do, and I take my hat off to you for your pluck.
If you first ask anyone's opinion before showing up, you're more or less putting in their mind that you're not confident about it.
My own launch into kilts a year ago was done with some warning to those who would be the first to see me. The idea was: 'I will be in a kilt', not 'I hope you don't mind if I turn up in a kilt'.
I was on my way back from Wales after an enjoyable few days staying with a friend who was already used to it - he actually joined in by wearing a kilt too most of the time, and liked it. His wife wasn't too sure though.
Anyway, half way on my journey back I phoned my relations to tell them when to roughly expect me, and threw in at the end of the short chat that they weren't to be surprised that I'm wearing a kilt, and that I'll explain later. I believe they were intrigued and couldn't wait to see me. There was no negative response when I arrived. I explained the tartan thing and that was that.
With the process of normal emailing of more distant friends I'd drop in photos of my Welsh holiday, including at least one of me in a kilt, saying how much I found them so easy to get on with.
But kilts are so much easier to understand. I don't know how I would handle a skirt, as I haven't even contemplated them yet.
If you take the group by surprise, and chance the reactions, they must at least respect your strong willed nature, even if they can't immediately get to grips with your attire. I think that would go in your favour; maybe cancel out negative feelings, or reduce them to a level that can be more easily addressed.
I suppose, once it's done, it's done.
And if it works reasonably painlessly, I guess you'll be a very happy man.
I really do hope so.

[JRMILLER]

Thanks guys, I will ponder your words!

My inclination is to hold my head up high, walk in like nothing is amiss and let them whisper and ask questions. Wife has already stated that after last Sat night, she isn't going to explain anything, she is just going to send them to me.

[Hotdog]

Thanks guys, I will ponder your words!

My inclination is to hold my head up high, walk in like nothing is amiss and let them whisper and ask questions. Wife has already stated that after last Sat night, she isn't going to explain anything, she is just going to send them to me.

Please be carefull that you don't put too much strain on you marrage. I would suggest that you wear a kilt next time, a skirt from trousers is too big a step for most people.

[Bri]

asking if you can wear a skirt seems to me like asking permission and that shows you're not confident to do it yourself without someone allowing you. Women don't ask (well in some circumstances they do) ask if they can wear jeans or something similar, but it's again, more and more rare as the days go by. Most women just show up in a pair of jeans or a skirt when they want to. No permission needed.


I also went outside today in a skirt to let my dog go poo or pee, but of course he didn't and it was way too cold to stay out for any length of time, even wearing leggings. So I went back in, and didn't think anything of anyone seeing me in the skirt and leggings. It actually looked more like a kilt which was somewhat disappointing. My girlfriend was surprised when I told her what I did, but I replied, why not, and she said, "cool". She likes the amount of self confidence that I exhibit, even though sometimes it's almost fake and I'm scared out of my mind, I just don't show it.

[mugman]

Sorry,it's me again.
As already hinted, I too would seriously consider a kilt as the first step. On a less selfish note, it's probably not a bad thing to consider how comfortable others will be in wanting to stand and chat with you at any great length other than to just say 'hi'. Personally, I wouldn't want people to hold back because they're not sure what to say.
A kilt is different, and usually generates interest. My money's on a kilt.
I'm particularly interested in this thread because I will be considering the same, sometime, with a keyboard music club that I go to each month which is attended by up to 50 other middleaged members. But my 'entry level' will be in a kilt - and even that will have its anxieties as everyone around here is, to put it mildly, fairly uncolourful. I don't know what they'll make of it, but I have to do it one day to get it over with. Then I can move on.

[crfriend]

[...]On a less selfish note, it's probably not a bad thing to consider how comfortable others will be in wanting to stand and chat with you at any great length other than to just say 'hi'. Personally, I wouldn't want people to hold back because they're not sure what to say.

My personal experience tends to indicate that once a conversation actually starts, attire is soon forgotten (or at least becomes irrelevent) unless it's the focus of the conversation. If the conversation leans towards, "Why are you wearing that?" it gives one the opportunity to offer some education (which is seldom a bad thing) on the topic.

For the most part, people just don't care what you're wearing so long as it's within the bounds of decency. To be sure, I've had a few negative comments, but those have almost universally been from cliques of two or more males with one of them demonstrating his bravado by slagging off on my attire; I just take the source into account. But, for the most part, my encounters have been remarkably positive -- and I wear skirts, not kilts, so go figure. I may be putting a larger hill in front of myself than I need to, but it hasn't hindered me yet.

A kilt is different, and usually generates interest. My money's on a kilt.

Kilts make a great introduction to the world of skirted garments, and it's good to see the number of "rules and restrictions" on "kilt etiquette" on the decline, but for the most part, at least where I hail from, they're viewed as costume in, more or less, the same way as formal evening-wear is (for instance, one doesn't wear a tuxedo to the beach).

I'm particularly interested in this thread because I will be considering the same, sometime, with a keyboard music club that I go to each month which is attended by up to 50 other middleaged members. But my 'entry level' will be in a kilt - and even that will have its anxieties as everyone around here is, to put it mildly, fairly uncolourful. I don't know what they'll make of it, but I have to do it one day to get it over with. Then I can move on.

My advice would be to just "Put it on and wear it". Yes, you'll look different from the other lemmings (probably mostly in jeans), but so what! Aren't we all taught from when we were little ones that "you're unique!" ("just like everybody else" makes a good subtext to that)? Fast-forward into maturity -- why shouldn't we be unique now?

[mugman]

Good points, and well made.
We all have our own ways of approaching things, and in the end, as individuals, the outcome will be what we're most comfortable with. There is no 'one solution fits all' , and no easy fixes.
We do what we think we can handle.
But I see no reason, if I think it's a real likelihood, to be socially out on a limb by donning a kilt at a particular venue. I'd rather wear trousers and enjoy the occasion. MUGs aren't that important to me. I wear kilts when I feel like it because I prefer them...but just the same as with trousers/pants, I'm not going to become a slave to them simply to make a point of freedom of dress.

[Milfmog]

I see no reason, if I think it's a real likelihood, to be socially out on a limb by donning a kilt at a particular venue. I'd rather wear trousers and enjoy the occasion.

Agreed.

But would not the very best outcome be to wear the kilt and enjoy both the occasion and the way you're dressed? Unless you have a real reason to think a kilt would be a source of genuine problems I'd say wear it once or you'll never know...

All the reports you've read here will have told you that most of the difficulties with wearing skirted garments are either imaginary or spring from hesitancy on the part of the wearer. Sometimes you just have to screw your courage to the sticking point and do it.

If it doesn't work out you don't have to do it again, but at least you won't spend your time with an inseam cutting you in half while you wonder whether you could have worn a kilt.

Just a thought...

Have fun,


Ian.

[JRMILLER]

Guys,
I did enjoy myself and I was very comfortable in my outfit. Further, I am happy I didn't miss the opportunity and we will be going back to that same Inn in the future.

I am looking forward to the next opportunity, this coming Sat there is a psychic fair at which you find people dressed in all sorts of odd ways. I should fit right in!

[mugman]

That's great John. Good luck with everything.