What goes with what?

[toni]

Help? My husband always asks for my opinion on what goes with what? Like do these shoes go with these socks and Kilt. And truthfully I don't know how to answer that. I know what I would do if it were me but he is a guy. I get frustrated and then he takes it the wrong way. I don't know how he is suppose to look? How can I give advise. So what would be a good reply so I don't say the wrong thing. I am trying but this is all new territory to me.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,

[Sasquatch]

I also count on my wife to tell me if I'm mismatched, but I don't usually have to ask.

As for my skirted wardrobe? Well, almost anything goes with khaki and blue denim. I keep life simple whenever possible.

Sasq

[sapphire]

Toni,
Trust your instincts and go from there. Look for balance and coordination. Think of this as you would a hockey playing, rough and tumble tom boy daughter down and dirty in a skirt: Mia Hamm kicking soccer in a skirt.

For guys, skirt wearing is not a tea party; it is normal guy stuff in a different costume.

Diana

[kevinnv]

If wearing a kilt knee length socks should coordinate with the kilt, regular sock lengths can coordinate with shoes. Any shoe or boot can be worn depending on the situation (formal, casual, hiking).

Kevin

[JRMILLER]

Diana,
You callin' me a Tom Boy?

WRT shoes, I have a pair of white tennis shoes I like to wear, they are very white, you know, white. They stand out. I generally wear these all summer long (then throw them away). Will these work with kilts or skirts?

[sapphire]

John,
Moi? Would I do that? Do you look anything like Mia Hamm??

White tennies? Sure I do it.
Diana

[Kilted_John]

With respect to white athletic shoes, yes, I do it as well. If I'm kilted, I'll usually wear a pair of oatmeal kilt hose, or when I had a pair, a pair of off-white. In a skirt or a utilikilt, I sometimes used to do white trouser socks with the shoes. Worked better than black sheer kneehighs with white running shoes...

-J

[JRMILLER]

Diana,
Don't really look much like her, but I plan on wearing the white tennis shoes anyway.

[toni]

Diane, Sasquatch, and Kevien,

Thanks for the helpful hints! He doesn't have many choices. White tennies,boat shoes that are like loafers, field boots that he wears for yard work and his tux fancy shoes. I think it's time for some additions don't you?

[crfriend]

Caution: "guy rant" below.

[JRM] doesn't have many choices. White tennies,boat shoes that are like loafers, field boots that he wears for yard work and his tux fancy shoes. I think it's time for some additions don't you?

Here we come up against what may be a fundamental "guy thing": basic functionality. I'm not sure about JRM's history, background, and upbringing, but I'd hazard a guess that he's been in formal gear for little more than weddings, funerals, and other assorted "special events" where a suit, or perhaps even a tux, was required (and the tux may have been rented) (I have to say, though, that the kilt shot posted earlier looked damnably good.). The shoes tend to go with the rest of the rig, and in "guy terms" the whole thing makes sense; I may not speak for the rest of "maledom" (not a word, I know, but still...) but I cannot fathom the "need" for more than a half dozen (tops) pair of shoes. The Imelda Marcoses of this world tend to befuddle most blokes.

The above having been said, I'm a determined minimalist. I have one pair of shoes (that currently need replacing) of a design I like and am comfortable with. The only times they're inappropriate is when I'm out sailing with my pals, and on a boat bare feet are acceptable so I chuck 'em off. Other than that particular instance, I'm "good to go"; they've got non-skid soles (I can stand on rocks at 45+ degree angles confidently), they provide positively amazing "ground feel", they have some ornamental adornment (a small buckle), and are remarkably comfortable. Why should I need more? So, I simply plod my way through life in one pair of shoes. It saves space in the closet.

But wait -- it gets worse. I've been wearing the same style (read, "the same model number") since the 2nd previous time I "had to buy new shoes" for a pal of mine's wedding. In 1998. (looks down -- yep, it's time to replace this pair)

OK, I may well be lurking at the very bottom of the "male barrel". I just hope I can get something similar the next time I buy shoes. And I have a fiver that says that this post was no help whatsoever.

[alexthebird]

Help? My husband always asks for my opinion on what goes with what? Like do these shoes go with these socks and Kilt. And truthfully I don't know how to answer that. I know what I would do if it were me but he is a guy. I get frustrated and then he takes it the wrong way. I don't know how he is suppose to look? How can I give advise. So what would be a good reply so I don't say the wrong thing. I am trying but this is all new territory to me.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,

Toni, this is a real problem. Part of it is because men's and women's clothes are totally different in ways that don't always make sense (why, exactly, are the tails on men's shirts so much longer than women's, even with equivalent sizes? why do men's shirts button one way and women's another? etc.), but we are also so unused to seeing men in skirts that everything looks a little unusual. And who decides when unusual is good and when unusual is bad?

Here's a couple of examples. I love Carl's vests, but don't have any of my own. So what do I do about shirts? If I tuck them in, it just doesn't look right to me without something over the shirt (like a vest, jacket, etc.). If I don't tuck in the shirt, they all seem to hang down way too far and the whole look is spoiled. Women's shirts have shorter tails, but women's shirts don't fit my shoulders. What I wind up doing is wearing pullovers where I can gather the waist up a bit higher.

Shoes and socks/hose are another problem. Personally, I think the limited selection of men's shoes is a bigger problem than the limited color palette of men's clothes. Depending on the skirt, we're sort of limited to trainers, boat shoes, penny loafers, or Doc Maartens (with a kilt) because anything else looks elephantine and for the most part, men's shoe designers don't go for elegance, subtlety, or grace.

The best advice I can give is to look in the mirror and keep trying stuff until you can say to yourself, "this looks great!!!" Then wear it!

[toni]

Hi Carl,

Okay you sound so much like JRM that it's scary I do enjoy reading your replies on this site..But this one has me concerned HA! Johns boat shoes have been his favorites for years and like you he keeps renewing them because he knows he likes them. He has worn the same shoe at least since 1992. However I have to give John credit he is trying to expand his collection. He reminded me he now owns a pair of Crocs and a pair of white flip/flops and he has his eyes on a pair of Navy Blue sandels.

I think I like the knee high socks with the kilts. That might be the same reason I like to wear nylons with my shorter skirts and that is our legs look so white and pale at this time of year they just stand out like sore thumbs. Maybe by end of June or July they will have enough color in them to where the shorter socks.

Thanks for your comments though I will keep them in my thoughts next time he asks me.

[ChrisM]

Yes, for about 40 years my footwear wardrobe consisted of one pair of Top Siders and one pair of Wing Tips.

Now I have slides, slingbacks, T-straps, ...the list goes on! I have nearly 8 pairs of shoes! Good Heavens where will I PUT them all! (I live on a 36-foot sailboat - shoe lockers do not abound.)

The issue is that once we get out of the pigeonhole of shirt & trousers, we start discovering other fabrics and patterns, then we discover accessories. And at Mardi Gras here in New Orleans I discovered necklaces - talk about 'take me back to the 70s'!

Now I worry about socks that have colors that effectively transition from my trouser to my shoe tone - good heavens.

Rather as Ron said to Hermione (in a totally different context) "One person could not have all that in their mind at one time or they'd explode."

So this is how the distaff side live, is it?

Great fun.

Chris

[crfriend]

Part of [the problem guys have] is because men's and women's clothes are totally different in ways that don't always make sense (why, exactly, are the tails on men's shirts so much longer than women's, even with equivalent sizes?

Well, in this case, I'm willing to take a wild guess that the reason is that men are expected to have their shirts tucked in at all times and that the longer tails are there to assist that (and our bodies tend to be longer in the torso whereas the gals tend to be longer-legged). Note that this is also the difference between a "shirt" and a "blouse" -- blouses don't have tails, and I believe that blouses are available in men's styles but are somewhat rare.

Given the above, if a shirt does not have tails, then it's acceptable to wear it "out"; else tuck it in. Think Hawaiian shirts with their even hem, or madras shirts.

why do men's shirts button one way and women's another?

This is usually attributed to the very old practise where women tended to be dressed by servants (at least the very well-to-do) whilst the men dressed themselves. Whether this holds up to scientific scrutiny I don't know. If I ever get a few spare months, maybe I'll research it.

[... B]ut we are also so unused to seeing men in skirts that everything looks a little unusual. And who decides when unusual is good and when unusual is bad?

This can work for us -- since there are so few "rules" we can bend the model as we see fit, so long as it looks good and is believeable.

Shirts do provide a quandry, at least the sorts that are available off the peg in men's sizes. This is one of the reasons I like my waistcoats; the interface between trousers and shirt has always seemed problematic to me given my shape and I felt I needed something to camouflage that. The fact that the style translates so well (in my opinion) to skirts was plain dumb luck. I have a few Hawaiian shirts, and those I do wear "tails-out" and by themselves, and they look OK. At this point, I'm tempted to try altering a normal dress shirt by rehemming it with an even hem without "tails".

Shoes and socks/hose are another problem. Personally, I think the limited selection of men's shoes is a bigger problem than the limited color palette of men's clothes.

Even given my limited personal selection of footwear, this is something that bedevils me. The main reason I like dress shoes is that they don't make my (large) feet seem larger than life. Most men's shoes are either deathly drab or (in my view) just plain hideous. Unfortunately, my feet are of such a size I can't experiment with anything from "across the aisle".

The best advice I can give is to look in the mirror and keep trying stuff until you can say to yourself, "this looks great!!!" Then wear it!

That is positively stellar advice!

[crfriend]

Okay you sound so much like JRM that it's scary

Oh dear. That's not good. I have NOT been reading his copy-book, I swear!

I think I like the knee high socks with the kilts. That might be the same reason I like to wear nylons with my shorter skirts and that is our legs look so white and pale at this time of year they just stand out like sore thumbs.

Recall, if you will, that part of the traditional kilt ensemble (and the "rules" for kilt-wearing can be, and have been, taken to extreme to the point they're just as bad as tuxes) uses socks that reach almost to the knee, so this is a look you're already familiar with. Not that this is a "bad thing", mind you, but it is one way that your mind can play tricks on you when you least expect it.

Note, too, that the "healthy tan" is a new phenomenon, dating to the 1950s I believe (Sapphire will be able to correct me on this if I've blundered, but I believe that Coco Chanel was one of the prime movers in popularising the suntan). Before that, having pale skin was a status symbol as it indicated that you didn't spend all your time working outside, you relaxed indoors out of the elements. Personally, I don't mind being a bit on the pale size (it may be a latent Goth thing), but then again I work in the computer industry and never seeing the "daystar" is a standing joke.