First of all, below is a proposed mission statement. Please vote and comment on it. It is my belief that this mission statement accurately captures the spirit of current Cafe membership. Also, please comment on the material below.
I would like to elaborate on this more, in the context of the classic "Bravehearts vs. Freestyle" war. Fashion Freedom has come a long way since the early days of Tom's Cafe. Where there used to be just one on-line community dedicated to fashion freedom of sorts, now there are many.Skirt Cafe is an on-line community dedicated to exploring, promoting and advocating for men's fashion freedom --- an expansion of fashion choices beyond those commonly available for men to include kilts, skirts and other garmets. We recognize and applaud a diversity in terms of fashions our members feel comfortable wearing, and we do not a priori exclude any potential fashion choices. We encourage continuing dialog on gender and masculinity in the context of fashion freedom for men.
We are not a cross-dressing or transvestite community, and we do not use women's names (except for our woman members).
As more differentiated choices opened up, some members chose to move their attention to some of the other on-line communities that they felt better fit their approach to fashion freedom. In particular, many Bravehearts --- those who seek only to wear kilts --- moved to a kilts-only community. Meanwhile, another "old guard" community went in a distinctly transgender direction and some members left for that. I wish all ex-Cafe members well. Availability of choice is progress, an indication that fashion freedom is becoming more accepted.
After the "big exodus", Tom's Cafe was left staking out a middle ground by default --- not Braveheart, but certainly not Transgender. Tom believed emphatically in the values of diversity and tolerance. Tom's Cafe therefore became a place --- the ONLY place, in fact --- where Bravehearts and Freestylers could meet and discuss fashion in an atmosphere of mutual respect. We all wear skirts or kilts for different reasons and feel differently about the experience. We do not expect that all members would want to wear all outfits discussed at the Cafe.
This diversity and mutual respect within the realm of fashion freedom is the most important defining aspect of Tom's Cafe, and the one I would most like to see continue. Because the Cafe is the only community that embraces this diversity, it fulfills an important on-line niche. That is why I agreed to be proprietor of the continuing Cafe.
I do not believe we should aim to be the most popular on-line community --- this is a volunteer effort after all, and would only result in high server bills! Nor should we aim to copy any other communities we feel are more "successful" --- that doesn't work anyway. Rather, I wish to see us understand at a deep level who we are and what we stand for, and then patiently and respectfully discuss, promote and advocate for it.
From time to time, there is discussion about whether we are "drifting" in a direction that could alienate our membership. In particular, I believe many members do not wish to see the Cafe move in a transvestite, transgender, transsexual or any other trans- direction. I also believe that most members do not wish to see it turn into a fetish site. It also seems to be agreed upon that this is not a gay issue, although we certainly welcome both gay and straight men.
In any case, it is absolutely my intention that we do NOT drift in a trans- direction. Other on-line communities handle those issues just fine, and drifting could seriously endanger our diversity. From time to time, I have heard members express concerns that we ARE drifting, or (more frequently) that we MIGHT drift.
I believe that a few simple board policies can safely ensure we don't become a trans- community:
1. A mission statement like the one above, posted prominently.
2. A board policy of "gender honesty, that we don't try to "pass" as a gender other than our own. I believe a specific rule against the use of woman's names (unless you're a woman) as user handles would suffice in this.
I don't want this to become an "up-tight" board with a lot of rules, but I believe the above rule could help to cement our position of diversity and middle ground in fashion freedom.
The decision to retire the tomscafe.org domain was Noodle's. He wished to turn tomscafe.org into a memorial to Tom Manuel and his significant contributions to the fashion freedom movement.
As for the name "Skirt Cafe" --- some members are uncomfortable with it, or see it as a sign of drift away from the masculine zone. That is not my intention. The big question is: do we need to change the name to ensure our middle position --- even with a good mission statement? If we change, what should the new name be? Discussion is welcome.
Finally, I propose a simple "line" we can draw between what we advocate for (fashion freedom) and what some other sites are about (cross-dressing). The difference between cross-dressing (same as transvestite) and fashion freedom is gender honesty. With fashion freedom, men do not pretend to be women, and women do not pretend to be men. You can wear whatever you like --- a pink tutu, for example --- but you have not cross-dressed unless you pretend to be a woman.