Getting past fears of being perceived as gay, trans, etc.

[Mouse]

I find the biggest hurdle to wearing skirts in public is the one in my head.

You will find that the biggest problem is in your own brain as you say. Once you realise that, you find things get so much easier. And as you say, wearing skirts often makes things easier.

Since covid, I have worn skirts everyday at work and play. I now just live in skirts and think nothing of it, but just enjoy the freedom of choice.

[Jim]

I’m 6’ 2” and wear a big bushy beard, so there’s no mistaking me.

Welcome, Wadar, to Skirt Cafe from another guy with a big beard, although I'm almost a foot shorter.

[Stu]

My fear was never of being perceived as being gay or trans. My concern was being thought to be seriously weird.

Hey! See that guy is wearing ... a skirt!

Oh God yeah! What a weirdo. Stay away from him!

[Faldaguy]

This "fear" in our heads is probably the most repeated 'excuse' most of us have had. In addition to just getting up the courage to go ahead and wear them; I think adapting an attitude of "owning" it -- going with as much confidence as you can muster, and not acting any differently than you would in pants is an important key. If you give off a sense of 'lurking", it registers -- but if you proceed with confidence "real or feigned" that will help ease the transition -- soon you'll will have absorbed confidence from the positive experience, seeing that folks just don't care what you wear.

[Mouse]

"owning" it -- going with as much confidence as you can muster, and not acting any differently than you would in pants is an important key.

Faldaguy you are so right. I also love the phrase "going with as much confidence as you can muster" I have felt that so many times and pushed through. This is normally when I have pushed the boat out just that bit further.

My other comment is that nobody cares what you wear. I am amazed and some times disappointed when I meet someone new and what I am wearing never comes up in conversation.

[Chip]

I find the biggest hurdle to wearing skirts in public is the one in my head. I have recently built up the courage and confidence to start wearing skirts out and about, but it takes a bit of mental gymnastics. I like the analogy of jumping out of a plane mentioned previously. I just have to say “Let’s do this thing” to myself and take the first step. I have kept this side of myself hidden and closeted for the better part of 40 years. So it’s taking a little bit of deprogramming to get comfortable in my skirt.

Welcome to the skirt world. There is so much conditioning to deprogram... and it can keep things interesting

I'm 40... been skirting for the last 6 years. Aside from enjoying wearing a towel wrap around the pool as a young kid, I'm not sure if I can call myself closeted between ages 7-34, because in that time my conditioning never really let me consider wearing skirts. So maybe I had it easy (something something... ignorance is bliss).

[DrFishnets]

I find the biggest hurdle to wearing skirts in public is the one in my head. I have recently built up the courage and confidence to start wearing skirts out and about, but it takes a bit of mental gymnastics. I like the analogy of jumping out of a plane mentioned previously. I just have to say “Let’s do this thing” to myself and take the first step.

Glad you liked my analogy. When I mentioned it was like jumping out a plane when I nearly had a panic attack before entering the world in a skirt I literally meant it as I was kind of getting a falling feeling when I ran out the door. Coming home that very day without any issues wearing a skirt in public was a brilliant liberating feeling and it made me really happy and has helped with my confidence issues in life.

So far I have had no issues being out in public in a skirt and tights and nobody bats an eyelid that is until this week when I had a couple of bigot narrow minded guys make silly comments about me while I was out shopping. A couple of guys walked past me and I overheard them saying “look half man half woman” then the following day I had a guy walk past me saying “you’re a man”. This is the first time I’ve had issues in the 7 months I’ve been wearing skirts and tights in public. Fortunately, there was no reaction from me as I just laughed it off and to be honest it didn’t really bother me and it didn’t put me off. Apart from those idiots I have had no problems from the public with wearing a skirt and it’s been great.

[TheSkirtedMan]

Noted a few times in this thread, the biggest hurdle is in the head. Fair point, will admit I suffered that in the initial stages until reality and experience cleared that.

I have a bald head. Do not hide my male name. If putting a skirt on makes me Gay or Trans in others eyes, one I will not change that perception, two they are not worth knowing if they have that conception of the true meaning.

This week I have been to social events, parties, out and about with no comment, or noticeable negativity. Today meet 48 stranges on a coach to do a tour of a historic house. Will get adhoc compliments but today many gave compliments on first sight to a point I had to say I get compliments but this is the biggest quantity in one session. In my early years I recall the odd reference to Gay, Trans, but not for a long long while and that was online, the single minded warriors hiding behind a keyboard. Of 6 direct challenges in the real world over 13 years, none said gay, trans, the worst was be a man.

People will have there perceptions in all walks of life, not just men in skirts. Be yourself, be confident, wear it and act sensibly and 99.9% are fine. I found the biggest contribution to dispel my fear was via my volunteering roles, meeting strangers face to face. All people will always have a minority who question in all walks of life.

[TheSkirtedMan]

My fear was never of being perceived as being gay or trans. My concern was being thought to be seriously weird.

Hey! See that guy is wearing ... a skirt!

Oh God yeah! What a weirdo. Stay away from him!

Be careful being concerned of being thought of being weird. I encountered rebuff, even being sensitive to object to being considered weird in a recent thread on this forum.

[JPskirt]

Well that makes 3 DFW Texas are Skirt wearers on this board.

I’m not in DFW area, but I visit the area often. I’m up in the Amarillo area

[Barleymower]

Wear skirt or a or a dress and some will think you are gay or trans. It can't be helped.

I think though most people see a man in a skirt and think nothing of it. Another poster here said wearing a skirt is fine, dressing up and going full fem, wig, makeup is whole different thing.

So wear what you want its fine, nobody minds. If one or two are idiots,.that's their problem.

[Chip]

Wear skirt or a or a dress and some will think you are gay or trans. It can't be helped.

Heh, I started a list a little while back...

A man in a skirt MUST be gay, trans, opportunistic, fetishistic, weak, emasculated, weird, or insane—or maybe he's crossdressing, rebelling, or doing a lark

It definitely doesn't mean he simply likes skirts. Nope.

[mr seamstress]

Wear skirt or a or a dress and some will think you are gay or trans. It can't be helped.

Heh, I started a list a little while back...

A man in a skirt MUST be gay, trans, opportunistic, fetishistic, weak, emasculated, weird, or insane—or maybe he's crossdressing, rebelling, or doing a lark

It definitely doesn't mean he simply likes skirts. Nope.

Nor does it mean we should avoids those who are LBGT either. There are those on believe the straight man , who is MIS or MID should avoid LBGT, a marginalize group. This belief is off base and out of bounds. This is like throwing gasoline on a fire. Avoiding LBGT group has nothing in getting men accepted as MIS or MID. We complain on here because of the hate we experience of not being accepted and having fellow members to suggest we should do the same against each other is outrages.
There is this need to stop this sexualization, of dress and skirts. The calling to avoid LBGT group, is a calling in keeping this sexualization of dresses and skirts. As long this sexualization continues, everyone going to continue to believe every male is a trans while wearing dresses and skirts. The true enemy is sexualization of dresses and skirts. Having straight men wearing dresses and skirts mixing with other people doesn't mean they are identifying themselves as being the same.
There is mother calling to be accepted in society and demanding society stop sexualization of her breast. She hates she isn't being accepted when she bare her breast to feed her baby no matter where she in public. She sees her own breast just breast. Men shouldn't move away from her while she breast sitting next to them. She cites this a common practice of men being disrespectful of not accepting her while she breast feed her infant. She cites trans woman as a plus for women and their breast be fully accepted in public while breast feeding. She sees everyone accepting each other as a major plus.
Unfortunately here at skirtcafe don't feel the same about everyone should be on board in accepting LBGT group, just like this breast feeding mother. She knows to get everyone to accept her she has do the same. This breast feeding mother is just like us. We demand the stop sexualization of clothes, as she demands people should stop sexualization of women's breast. We demand everyone should accept us wearing dresses and skirts. We have the responsibility rendering the same.

This breast feeding article I post needs scroll down before finding the article in English. Publish by a Canadian woman who is a speaker about women's rights in breast feeding and is on record how everyone no matter how they identified themselves should accept each other. It's a very long article.
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10. ... 18.1433867

[Barleymower]

Wear skirt or a or a dress and some will think you are gay or trans. It can't be helped.

Heh, I started a list a little while back...

A man in a skirt MUST be gay, trans, opportunistic, fetishistic, weak, emasculated, weird, or insane—or maybe he's crossdressing, rebelling, or doing a lark

It definitely doesn't mean he simply likes skirts. Nope.

I missed your reply Chip.
Yes these are definetly put downs thrown at men. All designed to make men's aspirations to wear what they want to "wither the vine". This tactic is much more affective than telling them what they can can can't do.

[Barleymower]

There is this need to stop this sexualization, of dress and skirts. The calling to avoid LBGT group, is a calling in keeping this sexualization of dresses and skirts. As long this sexualization continues, everyone going to continue to believe every male is a trans while wearing dresses and skirts. The true enemy is sexualization of dresses and skirts. Having straight men wearing dresses and skirts mixing with other people doesn't mean they are identifying themselves as being the same.

All valid MrS. There is also the question of possession which remains unanswered. Who owns skirts? Are women entitled to say "our skirts"?