Cherry lips.

[Stu]

I have been thinking of a philosophical question based on a tiny incident I recall years ago as a young man on a bus. A woman and child (male - aged about three) were sitting near me and the mother was fixing her make-up. When she had applied her cherry lipstick, the little boy said something like "me...me" and pursed his lips. I guessed that his mum would sometimes smear a bit of lipstick on him when at home, but she wasn't going to do it this time - they were on their way into town and she said a flat no. To stop him sulking, she said something like: "It's only girls who wear lipstick. You don't want people to think you are a little girl, do you?" He shrugged and said: "Don't care!" The mother then distracted him somehow and he got over not having lipstick.

This got me thinking just how much, as we progress through childhood, we make our sex/gender so core to our very being. It's not like we know we have brown eyes or we are allergic to potatoes etc - it's something be obsess about. For some women I have known, being exceptionally beautiful, which also means extremely feminine and unmistakable as a woman, can be a curse. They are their good looks; that is the absolute key feature of their identity and, as they age, they become desperate to hang on to it, even when that involves huge financial cost and surgery that has a risk of making them look hideous. Sexual capital like that is a bit less straightforward for men as they have other ways to build and maintain it, e.g.while they could be into men's beauty, they could be bodybuilders, or try to win plaudits through winning in sports, or making people laugh with jokes and witticisms, ot through artistic or academic achievements. Or they can do it through business skills, the acquisition of money or gaining influence and power through politicking and networking - and promotion. Women can do these things too, but their first recourse is often their femininity - i.e. beauty in the conventional sense.

This perhaps explains why things like pronouns and misgendering become so important to some people. The little boy on the bus was just below an age where he had to worry about his masculinity. He didn't care if he was mistaken by strangers for a girl. It didn't affect him. He wouldn't have cared if he had been referred to as she/her. He just wanted cherry red lips like his mum.

Can we learn something from this three-year-old?

[Mouse]

On the other side of the fence, I remember around age 5-6, things becoming into sharp relief as to the things I could wear, and the things girls could wear. I remember the huge disappointment that all the things I was beginning to know I liked, being on the wrong side of the divide and there being no solution to the problem.

[STEVIE]

The little boy on the bus was just below an age where he had to worry about his masculinity. He didn't care if he was mistaken by strangers for a girl. It didn't affect him. He wouldn't have cared if he had been referred to as she/her. He just wanted cherry red lips like his mum.
Can we learn something from this three-year-old?

Hell yeah, of course we can Stu, more to the point, his mother should actually listen to her son!
Me, I was that kid , 60 or so years ago, it's quite depressing to hear stuff like this about today's parents.
The boy spoke the truth, "I don't care", it was her thinking about other's opinions that was wrong.
Boys and lipstick was really brought home to me aged 11, when I started skiing.
Everyone, co-ed remember, was instructed to use chapstick.
The girls, no problem, the boys, they, me included balked, lipstick is for girls!
We learned a painful lesson in that first weekend, but strangely enough, I never had much of a liking for real lipstick.
As for visual beauty, that's only skin deep, ephemeral and fleeting, subjective and the cause of many issues for men and women.
Steve.

[Stu]

I remember around age 5-6, things becoming into sharp relief as to the things I could wear, and the things girls could wear.

Yes, I remember that. I can't say I wanted to wear girl things back then, though. At that age, it seemed natural that limbs were covered in cloth tubes - sweaters have sleeves for arms, so why would we wear anything except trousers? And clothes were things we wore for riding bikes or playing football, so they were functional. Of course, I see things a bit differently now.

The girls, no problem, the boys, they, me included balked, lipstick is for girls!

Steve.

I think nearly all of us put our gender front and centre of our self-image and maybe we exaggerate it. The ultimate function of sexual dimorphism is reproduction, and yet the vast majority of our lives is not not seeking out mates and mating with them. In the totality of a human life, that only accounts for a tiny part of who we are. I recall Morgan Freeman being interviewed several years ago and saying that there was an over-emphasis on race - we are just people.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeixtYS-P3s

I agree with him. Maybe we should take a similar attitude to sex and gender and learn from that little boy. And if he wants to wear lipstick because it's colourful and has a cherry flavour, let him darn well wear the lipstick. Seriously, who cares?

That reminded me of the brilliant 1990s sitcom The IT Crowd where Roy turns up for work without realising someone has put lipstick on him - and his boss sees it and actually respects him for having the guts to do it. Hilarious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZW4_68LokI