Random person yelling 'what are your pronouns'

[moonshadow]

This is something I run into a little more now than I used to back east. I can honestly say, sometimes it is tricky. I spent my whole life never running into someone who looked like they were "transitioning", thus, what pronoun to use was never something I really had to consider.

People who look like women, I use "she/hers", and for people who look like men, I use he/him. That's pretty easy. Sometimes it can still be difficult to tell, in which case I might go by the name. If they have a feminine name, again, I use she/hers, and vice versa for masculine names.

But another wrinkle in this methodology is I've run into names that I'm not accustomed to out here. Names that I'm not sure what the intended gender of the name is. Also there are names like mine that could go either way, or are gendered differently depending on the culture or region. "Andrea" is a female name, but is VERY Masculine in Italy, but interestingly, even the "female version" supposedly means "manly and virile". *shrugs*

Recently I had a cashier who had a masculine name on their tag, yet was clearly feminine in appearance, yet you could tell was male. I suspected the person was on estrogen. The name tag didn't have the pronoun. I kinda wish it did as I do want to be respectful of other's wishes. (I'm not here to tell someone they're right or wrong, or how to live their life, I have my own problems I have to deal with)

So in that situation, my go-to solution is usually "they/them". It's not so bad once you get used to it. Of course then I'd likely cross up on someone who'd get offended by that too! *gheeze*

So I already don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of times I've accidentally offended someone here on the west coast. (It's reached the point I really dread even talking to "liberal" people). In such instances I just apologize, turn around and walk away. I try not to let it eat at me like it used to. Some people are just too damned sensitive. If someone has made it their life's mission to get offended at every little thing, then let them have at it.... again, I've got my own issues I need to sort through, I don't have time for other people's baggage.

[Barleymower]

This is something I run into a little more now than I used to back east. I can honestly say, sometimes it is tricky. I spent my whole life never running into someone who looked like they were "transitioning", thus, what pronoun to use was never something I really had to consider.

People who look like women, I use "she/hers", and for people who look like men, I use he/him. That's pretty easy. Sometimes it can still be difficult to tell, in which case I might go by the name. If they have a feminine name, again, I use she/hers, and vice versa for masculine names.

But another wrinkle in this methodology is I've run into names that I'm not accustomed to out here. Names that I'm not sure what the intended gender of the name is. Also there are names like mine that could go either way, or are gendered differently depending on the culture or region. "Andrea" is a female name, but is VERY Masculine in Italy, but interestingly, even the "female version" supposedly means "manly and virile". *shrugs*

Recently I had a cashier who had a masculine name on their tag, yet was clearly feminine in appearance, yet you could tell was male. I suspected the person was on estrogen. The name tag didn't have the pronoun. I kinda wish it did as I do want to be respectful of other's wishes. (I'm not here to tell someone they're right or wrong, or how to live their life, I have my own problems I have to deal with)

So in that situation, my go-to solution is usually "they/them". It's not so bad once you get used to it. Of course then I'd likely cross up on someone who'd get offended by that too! *gheeze*

So I already don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of times I've accidentally offended someone here on the west coast. (It's reached the point I really dread even talking to "liberal" people). In such instances I just apologize, turn around and walk away. I try not to let it eat at me like it used to. Some people are just too damned sensitive. If someone has made it their life's mission to get offended at every little thing, then let them have at it.... again, I've got my own issues I need to sort through, I don't have time for other people's baggage.

People's emotions are their own responsibility. If someone becomes angry because of something you said, it is essentially their problem.
The next time someone blames you and ignores their own part in a problem, it is probably them being defensive. Specifically, it may be a defense mechanism aimed at protecting their fragile ego from being overwhelmed with negative emotions such as guilt and shame. My own take is I do my best not to offend. If do offend them, they should grow up.