Hi ALL but particularly MB and Ralph,Ralph wrote: ↑Thu Feb 16, 2023 1:44 amThats the FIRST warning in my standard lecture about how to let your spouse/girlfriend/fiancee in on this part of your life. It's normally aimed at crossdressers but all the talking points apply to men who present as men but wear "gender nonconforming" clothing. I won't rehash the lengthy diatribe here, but the gist of it is:Myopic Bookworm wrote: ↑Wed Feb 15, 2023 11:56 pmIn the case of reluctant partners, I wonder if there's sometimes an element of homophobia: not just "oh no, is my man gay?", but also "if I am partnered with someone slightly feminine, does that make me slightly lesbian?".
* She's going to worry that you are gay
* She's going to worry that you want to be a woman
* She's going to be enraged if she finds out on your own or you wait till after you're married, so tell her NOW before it blows up on you
So when you have "the talk", make sure you give her every reassurance that you are not gay and you are not trans-anything. In following up, show her with your actions, not just your words. Show her that you are still all man and she's never going to lose that. Show her that things which are important to you matter more than anything. Do things that she loves even if they bore you to tears. Always put her before yourself, and you'll find that as long as you keep her happy, she won't worry so much about what you're wearing.
That's considerably condensed and oversimplified, but you get the idea.
The talk from that guy was just about as good as it gets and it echoes a lot of the thoughts here with regard to MIS.
Two takeaways for me in particular, men are not encouraged to play "dress-up" and if you believe it, do it!
He didn't go into ancient fashions as a reason and the skirt he wore wasn't pseudo masculine either.
Now, my take on the quotes. MB, you are certainly correct in that a woman may doubt her own sexuality by being attracted to a man in a skirt.
That said, many men see "their woman's" clothing as affirming their masculinity, which is also utter rubbish.
Ralph, in spite of my own marital difficulties, I would generally agree with you on that statement except for one point.
The strain of submerging one's own happiness in favour of someone else's over a long period will eventually take it's toll.
In my own case, "keeping her happy", simply did not work. Her view of what I wear is no different now than it was 40 years ago when we married.
She also knew about it before I even proposed. My conclusion on that point is that the truth is out there somewhere but it has still to be found.
Any human whose life partner is FULLY accepting of ALL their QUIRKS, FOIBLES and FAILINGS is a remarkably lucky individual.
Certainly one of whom, many around here would be exceedingly envious of.
Steve.