Wimp seeks encouragement

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Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby RobJF » Mon Jun 10, 2019 2:17 pm

Hi guys, this is my first post here.

Why do I call myself a wimp? Well, I'm a Scottish man, living in Scotland, who hasn't yet summoned up the courage to wear a kilt in public. (I'm recently retired, single and living on my own at the moment.)

But I do like skirts. I once tried one on as part of a "naughty schoolgirl" fancy dress outfit, which was nice, if scary, but just within the shop. And I like wearing baggy shorts in warm weather, for the ventilation, and I guess skirts are like that but more so. Depending on length of course, maybe other factors I guess.

I own a cheap "lightweight" kilt but I'm not very motivated to wear it due to the weight actually being much more than most skirts (I'm thinking of summer hillwalking), also I feel it's a little long for my taste, though probably the same as most would wear -- about mid-knee, I think. (Haven't tried it on for a while.) I vaguely remember from boyhood, when some of my friends wore kilts to Scout meetings and on formal occasions, they were supposed to just reach the floor when kneeling, but nowadays most kilts look slightly too long to my eyes.

I've been looking at kilt-type skirts on ebay and I think the longest I'd want to wear is 20", and the shortest 17-18 -- but more likely 18. I'm 5'9". I was amazed to read in here that some guys go down to 12! There's no way I'd go to 16. (I measured some of my shorts as well.)

The area I live in is mostly working class, many people being the sort who have no inhibitions about letting you know what's going through their minds. For hillwalking I might well change in the car park, behind the car door, rather than go out from home wearing a kilt/skirt (or even my shorter shorts for that matter!)

Anyway, that's what's on my mind at the moment, any reactions?
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Re: Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby Freefrom » Mon Jun 10, 2019 7:25 pm

RobJF wrote:Hi guys, this is my first post here.

Why do I call myself a wimp? Well, I'm a Scottish man, living in Scotland, who hasn't yet summoned up the courage to wear a kilt in public. (I'm recently retired, single and living on my own at the moment.)

But I do like skirts. I once tried one on as part of a "naughty schoolgirl" fancy dress outfit, which was nice, if scary, but just within the shop. And I like wearing baggy shorts in warm weather, for the ventilation, and I guess skirts are like that but more so. Depending on length of course, maybe other factors I guess.

I own a cheap "lightweight" kilt but I'm not very motivated to wear it due to the weight actually being much more than most skirts (I'm thinking of summer hillwalking), also I feel it's a little long for my taste, though probably the same as most would wear -- about mid-knee, I think. (Haven't tried it on for a while.) I vaguely remember from boyhood, when some of my friends wore kilts to Scout meetings and on formal occasions, they were supposed to just reach the floor when kneeling, but nowadays most kilts look slightly too long to my eyes.

I've been looking at kilt-type skirts on ebay and I think the longest I'd want to wear is 20", and the shortest 17-18 -- but more likely 18. I'm 5'9". I was amazed to read in here that some guys go down to 12! There's no way I'd go to 16. (I measured some of my shorts as well.)

Hi

The area I live in is mostly working class, many people being the sort who have no inhibitions about letting you know what's going through their minds. For hillwalking I might well change in the car park, behind the car door, rather than go out from home wearing a kilt/skirt (or even my shorter shorts for that matter!)

Anyway, that's what's on my mind at the moment, any reactions?


Hi RobJF. I'm new to the Cafe as well although not at all new to skirt wearing. For years it's been a pleasure to wander about the house and garden skirted (our property is secluded) but never had the guts to allow anyone but my wife see me so attired. But it caused me a lot of stress, I was always worried about someone coming to the door or down the drive so kept a pair of trousers handy 'just in case'.

It was only a few weeks ago that I realized how stupid I was being and looked around for help before stumbling across this place. Lo and behold other men were like me too, I couldn't believe it! My first outing was with my wife on a long country walk followed by evening dinner at a country Pub. No one stared, no one commented life went on as normal except I felt free. Since then I've worn Skirts/Kilts on a daily basis, what I wear and when depends on where I'm going or where I am, who I'm with and even my mood at the time. Sometimes I change into something else for the evening.

Just Now I am wearing a Hillwalker Kilt by Union Kilts (other retailers are available) you can find them here... https://unionkilts.com/product-category ... ker-kilts/ It's a great start for walking in and has side pockets, which as a man I find convenient. Although I have a whole range of stuff my personal taste is to look and feel like a self confident man, there is enough ambiguity surrounding men in skirts as it is without stirring up confusion! For everyday wear I find a 20'' denim mini is both practical and comfortable, I have quite a few of those in different styles

My reaction is if you feel that wearing a Skirt is right go for it, I don't regret it one little bit.
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Re: Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby Skaterswaltz » Mon Jun 10, 2019 7:47 pm

Someone on here remarked that the more confident you feel, the less people seem to be a problem. I’d go out with the intention and mindset you’re going to have fun. It might be gradual, but let go and swim out there. It’s way better doing that than sat in a form of agony wondering what if. Just do it. And you’ll always have here to share your experiences with.
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Re: Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby skirtyscot » Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:52 pm

Well, Rob, we've all been there. Those of us who have moved beyond where you are only managed it by taking our courage in both hands and stepping over the threshold. And when we did, it was OK! Our fears were unfounded.

You have it easier than all the foreigners, beg borrow or steal* a kilt and put it on. Nobody will bat an eyelid, it's your national costume.

Then if the feeling takes you, move away from the tartan to a plain kilt or a denim skirt. Nobody will mind, except (unfortunately) your nearest and dearest, and if you're lucky they will be fine with it as well.

*If you're from Airdrie.
Keep on skirting,

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Re: Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby Sinned » Tue Jun 11, 2019 7:12 am

Actually, Rob, when you venture out you'll find that 99% of people don't even SEE the skirt and those that do just shrug shoulders and continue on their way. I have no qualms about putting on a skirt and venturing out. Admittedly my neighbourhood could be considered upper working to lower middle class as none of the manufacturing here could be considered heavy metal but even so ....

So don your skirt and venture out with confidence. Afterwards you'll wonder what the fuss in your mind was all about.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby RobJF » Tue Jun 11, 2019 8:56 am

Thanks a lot for all of the replies so far, just the kind of thing I've been needing to hear, I think. I'll see what I can do and let you know how it goes! :roll:
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Re: Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby lazerr » Tue Jun 11, 2019 8:39 pm

I've related story after story of me being out and about and people not even noticing. I go out every day in a small town and at most I get a friendly wave. I'm convinced that since I am just doing whatever I would normally do, no one notices what I'm wearing. Now that it's summer, it is just fabulous. Sometimes I think, why isn't every guy wearing a skirt or dress. It just makes perfect sense for guys.

I always look for 18 inch. That is easy in the womens department. At 18 inch you can fine tune the length by moving it up or down, though I usually go for just under the belly button.The best kilt I've found for "hillwalking" is the SportKilt as they let you give the length you want for a 20 dollar upcharge. To get around that upcharge you can buy the woman's Sportkilt which is already shorter, but practically the same skirt. Another thing, it says Sport Kilt on the waistband so poeple you meet will think you sporty :!:

You aren't a wimp because of your fear, just conditioned to a certain norm. Once it becomes your thing, it won't seem strange at all. Of course, you have to get out there to get used to it, but once you do it will be great.

Try small steps like getting the mail, going to the drive through, going to the bank, things like that.
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Re: Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby denimini » Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:58 am

Not a wimp, just the normal trepidations associated with being unconventional in public first time out.

The important thing is to just do it. The more we put it off, the more we build it up in our minds ........... only to find out that it is nothing ......... an anticlimax .......... almost disappointingly so ......but what freedom!
Anthony, a denim miniskirt wearer in Outback Australia
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Re: Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby Sinned » Wed Jun 12, 2019 3:00 pm

That social conditioning has been going on for most of our adult lives and it takes a h*ll of a lot to overcome it. But once you do .... Oh, joy! :D
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby RobJF » Wed Jun 12, 2019 4:21 pm

I'm missing a Like button in this place, but thanks to those who posted since my last post. Haven't ventured out yet but...
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Re: Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby Fred in Skirts » Wed Jun 12, 2019 7:12 pm

Sinned wrote:That social conditioning has been going on for most of our adult lives and it takes a h*ll of a lot to overcome it. But once you do .... Oh, joy! :D

Dennis, I have to disagree with you on one statement, "That social conditioning has been going on for most of our adult lives".
It has been on going from the start of our lives, from childhood to this very day and will continue until we die. How ever we can choose to ignore the brainwashing and do our own thing as most of us here at the Cafe do. Sure it is hard to go against the tide of public opinion but we must and try to counter some of the BS that is against us. We must stand fast for clothing freedom or it will not ever happen.

Fred
"the stubborn ole' bastard"
Fred :kiltdance:

:whistle: Hi I am Fred and I wear skirts and dresses all of the time. :hooray:
"It is better to be hated for what you are than be loved for what you are not"
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Re: Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby Sinned » Wed Jun 12, 2019 7:38 pm

All right Fred, I stand corrected. Perhaps for the first few years of our lives we aren't conscious of the conditioning. It's only when we mature and can think about what we want that the conditioning becomes apparent.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby crfriend » Wed Jun 12, 2019 10:24 pm

Sinned wrote:Perhaps for the first few years of our lives we aren't conscious of the conditioning. It's only when we mature and can think about what we want that the conditioning becomes apparent.

We're certainly not conscious of it when we are in our youngest years, but that's when a massive amount of damage can be done, and it can take a lifetime tor the sufferer to unpick it, or even to understand that it'd been done to them.

By the time we're in our late single-digits, we're starting to get a good grasp of notions such as equality, fairness, and equity, but we're pretty much constrained to what we already have onboard, and which was shoved at us, possibly unconsciously by our parents. The worst possible time for us is our teenage years where we're really forming what will become our adult minds, and it's in that age bracket that social stereotype is frequently pounded into us by immature and cowardly bullies who can overpower the intelligent and sensitive ones by sheer force. Our twenties are largely consumed by us trying to establish ourselves in a highly competitive and mostly unpleasant world. We then, typically coast for several years until the nagging memories about equity and fairness come back to us and we start to realise that "we've been screwed".

The above represents my case about why this particular fight won't be won by the young, but rather the elders who have a more pristine vision of the mess that childhood, the teenage years, and young adulthood really are. It's also the elders who can confer unto their children the strength, resolve, and hopefully wits to allow those children to grow up more "normally" than the parents or grandparents.

So, to the "wimp who seeks encouragement", gather the courage, take a few deep breaths, open the front door, and stride bravely out into the bright light of day. Hold your head high, look folks in the eye, smile, and behave like what you happen to be garbed in has no relevance to the social situation at hand. Treat it as the most natural thing in the world, and folks will reflect that back to you. (Except for pathological idiots of course, but those cannot be helped.)
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Re: Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby STEVIE » Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:43 am

Hi Rob
Welcome to the Café. I won't add much to what the others have said but there is to be a gathering in Glasgow in September.
You would be most welcome to join us,
Just remember that all our skirted journeys are unique and yours has just begun.
Good Luck
Steve.
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Re: Wimp seeks encouragement

Postby Pdxfashionpioneer » Sun Sep 22, 2019 6:22 am

Hey Rob,

I too have wrestled with the desire to wear skirts and dresses for as long as I can remember. For about 20 years I actively and publicly crossdressed. Nonetheless, when I decided to publicly wear them as the man that I am, it was as hard to walk out my front door that way as it had been to go out in public crossdressed for the first time. Looking back, it’s really kind of remarkable because I had moved from a neighborhood where everyone knew me to one where noone knew me so, what did I have to lose?

To help me get to that point I did many of the same things that everyone else has suggested and done. Get skirts and dresses such as denim skirts cut like jeans, shirt dresses and sweater dresses that resemble menswear. Wear them around the house and then one’s backyard, deserted streets at night and other lightly trafficked, anonymous places.

My old identity.

To which I say, “Good riddance!”

When I worked in the corporate world, I was proud of my suits and ties, of which I still have plenty, but they now feel like as much of a Potemkin front as my crossdressing outfits did. For me, my breakout moment was going to church in a sweater dress, hose and ankle height booties. Once I got into my car, I couldn’t have been more excited. Once I got to the church parking lot I couldn’t have been more terrified! I literally took two deep breathes and was starting a third when I had crystal clear thought, “David! Taking another deep breath isn’t going to change a damned thing! Get out of this car, go up those stairs (into church) and what happens, happens.”

What happened was I was warmly embraced, literally and figuratively, by the whole congregation. As one of the older and most respected members put it, “Thank you for trusting us enough to share your genuine self.”

It took me awhile to fully appreciate what he said and to accept the truth in a number of other members’ compliments on how brave I was. Once I did I realized we have something of an obligation not only to ourselves, but to everyone we come into contact with to be our genuine selves. If for no other reason than to show them that they too can be their genuine selves!

As far as your working class neighbors go, my experience with them is that they admire, respect and stand up for people who stand up for themselves. I feel I’m on solid ground here because my father was an electrician and I have worked as an electrician’s helper.

When you first walk out your door in a skirt be sure you look pulled together (blue collar blokes celebrate good craftsmanship), stand up straight so you exude self-confidence (even if you have to fake it) and carry yourself as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Because for you, quite clearly it is!

As to what your boyhood experience indicates I suggest you not concern yourself about it. What matters is that the desire to wear so-called womenswear has stuck with you so at some deep level it’s important to you.

So, get comfortable with your skirts and go out in public in one of them before you’re 100% ready to because you’ll never be 100% ready.

But once you step outside that door, you’ll never be happier!

Carpe diem!
David, the PDX Fashion Pioneer

Social norms aren't changed by Congress or Parliament; they're changed by a sufficient number of people ignoring the existing ones and publicly practicing new ones.
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