Here is the article:
The boys are not all right
I had a discussion with Amber about this the other day. I made a remark regarding how most, and by most I mean 99.999% of "massacre shooters" are males. Let me stop here...
THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE A DISCUSSION ABOUT GUNS... THIS IS MEANT TO BE A DISCUSSION ABOUT MANHOOD AND MASCULINITY!
Our various opinions on gun laws are BESIDE THE POINT, please, lets not go there on this thread...
Ahem.. now that that unpleasantry is behind is, I continue...
I actually had my discussion with Amber before I read this article. During my discussion I had mentioned how males, particularly young men (teenage boys-early 20's) are getting squeezed in our society. Too often boys are growing up not knowing what to do with their emotions, nor how to express them. I feel the article hit the nail on the head when it said that boys often turn to one of two scenarios when confronted with the problems of life, withdrawal, or rage.
My comment to Amber was that for what seems like forever, men have always tried to stay a step ahead of women, for after all, to be womanlike was demeaning, or at least that's what our fathers and uncles told us. So over the last fifty years, as women climbed the ladder of masculinity, to the point of many almost being indistinguishable from many boys and men in appearance and practice, it has left young males with few options for retaining the lead over women.
Now to be fair, most men just accept their lot, and many, I'll even say most, men do learn to adapt and work, live, and play side by side with their female counterparts. Many men have adopted what has been called "metro-sexual", what I liken to a "man like form of femininity", a.k.a. "pretty boy". There are others like us, who even go so far as to wear clothes women might wear, of adopt feminine mannerisms, mainly because it doesn't bother them to do so. They have adopted the opinion that "it is not shameful to act like a woman because it is not shameful to be a woman".
Here are some highlights form the article I'd like to point out:
What does it mean to be a man? How can such a simple question be so complex? I understand the lure and desire to maintain some level of uniqueness of being a man. I understand the need for it to be "special", just as many women take pride in their femininity. The trick here is however that women know how to take pride in their femininity and yet are not afraid to be masculine when the time calls for it. Yes, women can kick asses and take names, but they are also not afraid to cry out, hug, and ask for help.Boys, though, have been left behind. No commensurate movement has emerged to help them navigate toward a full expression of their gender. It’s no longer enough to “be a man” — we no longer even know what that means.
There are just too many talking points in the above quote box, I could underline and bold the whole thing. The statement I believe is the end all reason for the issues we are facing.Too many boys are trapped in the same suffocating, outdated model of masculinity, where manhood is measured in strength, where there is no way to be vulnerable without being emasculated, where manliness is about having power over others. They are trapped, and they don’t even have the language to talk about how they feel about being trapped, because the language that exists to discuss the full range of human emotion is still viewed as sensitive and feminine.
Men feel isolated, confused and conflicted about their natures. Many feel that the very qualities that used to define them — their strength, aggression and competitiveness — are no longer wanted or needed; many others never felt strong or aggressive or competitive to begin with....
...But to even admit our terror is to be reduced, because we don’t have a model of masculinity that allows for fear or grief or tenderness or the day-to-day sadness that sometimes overtakes us all.
I've had this happen to me.. A LOT in my lifetime. Not just on internet boards, but also in meat space as well. The moment I make any remark about handling an issue in a less than violent or ass kicking way it seems society, (men and women) came up with all kinds of colorful names to call me.Case in point: A few days ago, I posted a brief thread about these thoughts on Twitter, knowing I would receive hateful replies in response. I got dozens of messages impugning my manhood
You'd think so. But what could it be?There has to be a way to expand what it means to be a man without losing our masculinity. I don’t know how we open ourselves to the rich complexity of our manhood.