A friend was rejected :(

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A friend was rejected :(

Postby Different_Trains » Wed Jan 02, 2013 11:01 am

I recommended this forum to a friend of mine who is a regular skirt wearer. Unfortunately he's e-mailed me saying that his membership application was rejected because he described his look as 'gender fluid'.

I've only seen what he has told me, but this seems very unfortunate if the mods here have such an attitude as to exclude anyone on that basis alone?
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Re: A friend was rejected :(

Postby skirtingtoday » Wed Jan 02, 2013 11:56 am

Hi, I am not a Mod here so cannot answer your query directly but perhaps I can make a few broad brush comments.

This site is not a designated transvestite or cross-dressing site (there are enough of those around to satisfy) but is geared up for men in skirts and with their promotion and discussion generally. (this can be found under the general rules for this forum) Men, women and gender fluid people should be more than welcome. Perhaps the identity "gender fluid" is being interpreted as a person who is a TV or CD?

Or perhaps there was something else in the registration process that was the problem and this has actually nothing to do with his look or gender?

I do not think that being transgender or "gender fluid" should be used as an exclusion from this site per se
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on" - Winston Churchill.
"If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it" - Joseph Goebbels
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Re: A friend was rejected :(

Postby crfriend » Wed Jan 02, 2013 12:12 pm

Your friend's membership request was not "rejected", per se, but he was asked to refocus his writing and accounts to better align with the mission and objectives of the forum. I have not yet seen the entire exchange, but the initial exchange looked encouraging.

Skirt Cafe is, first and foremost, "an on-line community dedicated to exploring, promoting and advocating skirts and kilts as a fashion choice for men". That really sums it up. Other facets of our lives are open for discussion, in the context of our day-to-day existence and our fashion choices; hence we get a range of off-topic stuff such as music, computers, cars, and whatnot in addition to our skirts and our experiences wearing our skirts. We are not a support group for "orthodox" crossdressers, nor are we a support forum for folks who may be gender-confused -- there are sites vastly more qualified to cater to those folks than we can offer here.

My initial read of the original submissions (and second, and third, just so I'd be sure of what I was reading) indicated that in this case the thrust was not of somebody merely wanting to swap trousers for a skirt, but was full-bore on about it being part of his "gender fluidity" and "looking awesome while dressed like a girl". The first part of the above statement is why Skirt Cafe exists; the second is tangential; and the third represents "orthodox crossdressing".

This was one of the more "interesting" submissions we've had in a very long time, and the reason for delays in response was so that everybody on the moderation team would have a chance to weigh in with his opinion -- and the responses of the team were as varied as could be. One was solidly for rejecting the petition; one was "on the fence"; and the third was in favour of acceptance if the petitioner's posts were suitably edited so they fit the context and mission of the forum. A decision was made sometime yesterday afternoon to go with the third option above, and the author of the opinion given the green light to run with it. As of this writing, I do not know if anything else has gone on behind the scenes.
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Re: A friend was rejected :(

Postby Milfmog » Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:03 pm

I am a moderator here and sent the reply to the prospective member that is being alluded to. We do not generally discuss the moderation process on the forum, however I think that in this case it may be appropriate to throw a little more light on how things work in the background. (I drafted this message before Carl's reply, above, so apologies if it covers some of the same ground).

I am not prepared to publish private correspondence in a public area of the forum, however I can state categorically that he was NOT rejected.

His posts were considered by the moderation team and the decision taken to contact him and clarify the ethos behind this site. He was asked to reflect on the content of his introduction post in line with the ethos of the forum. (This is not unusual; there have been a number of occasions where the content of an initial post is slightly off topic which, once pointed out, is then amended by the poster.)

I am somewhat surprised by the tone of the first post in this thread, as it does not reflect the feeling I had detected in his reply to my PM. So far (and it is only a few hours since my last PM to him) no new or revised introduction post has been received.

Sometimes I think life would be easier if I were still to the right of Attila the Hun; instead of the "live and let live" liberal I appear to be turning into as I get older :D

Have fun,


Ian.
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Re: A friend was rejected :(

Postby Different_Trains » Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:46 pm

Thanks for the extra info. I apologise if my original post came across as in bad tone, as this was not my intention. I had also at that point only heard my friend's side of the story. Now I have heard more. :)
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Re: A friend was rejected :(

Postby Milfmog » Wed Jan 02, 2013 2:49 pm

Different_Trains wrote:Thanks for the extra info. I apologise if my original post came across as in bad tone, as this was not my intention.

No problem. Actually, sometimes I think it is useful to bring some of the stuff we do as mods out of the shadows so that the rest of you can see a little more of it.

I had also at that point only heard my friend's side of the story. Now I have heard more. :)

Maybe he will show you my replies if you ask him. If, having read them, you feel I should have replied differently I would be glad of that feedback. I do hope that I have not scared him off; that was absolutely not my intention.

Have fun,


Ian.
Do not argue with idiots; they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Cogito ergo sum - Descartes
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Re: A friend was rejected :(

Postby warl35 » Mon Mar 25, 2013 12:57 pm

This discussion has got me thinking about how to make the call on the line between a man in a skirt and cross dressing. Is it in part the attitude and intention of the wearer, does it relate to associated items (jewelry, make-up, tights, leggings, long socks, shoes), does it relate to the types of clothes (some emphasise a woman's body shape). It would be interesting to hear different poinst of view on this.

Also not sure if this is the best place to post this??
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Re: A friend was rejected :(

Postby Milfmog » Mon Mar 25, 2013 5:03 pm

warl35 wrote:This discussion has got me thinking about how to make the call on the line between a man in a skirt and cross dressing. Is it in part the attitude and intention of the wearer, does it relate to associated items (jewelry, make-up, tights, leggings, long socks, shoes), does it relate to the types of clothes (some emphasise a woman's body shape). It would be interesting to hear different poinst of view on this.

As a general guideline we work on the basis of what has been termed "gender honesty". That is to say remaining true to presenting oneself to the world as a guy, with no adopting of female names, mannerisms or synthetic body forms intended to deceive a viewer into believing the wearer to be female. That has worked pretty well as a definition here.

Also not sure if this is the best place to post this??

It probably isn't the best place but if Carl or Uncle Al think it should be elsewhere I'm sure one of them will move it.

Have fun,


Ian.
Do not argue with idiots; they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Cogito ergo sum - Descartes
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - Ambrose Bierce
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Re: A friend was rejected :(

Postby Grok » Tue Mar 26, 2013 6:33 pm

Perhaps the individual is interested because there is a section for free styling?
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