A little humor...

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DALederle
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Re: A little humor...

Post by DALederle »

This one arrived in an e-mail! What were YOU thinking towards the end?
Dennis A. Lederle
:lol:

An Italian woman married an American gentleman and they lived happily ever after in New Jersey. The poorlady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs.. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got

the message and gave her the chicken legs.Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
(Please scroll down.)
What were you thinking?















Her husband speaks English!
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Since1982
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Re: A little humor...

Post by Since1982 »

Thanks Skip & Dennis. Every one a gem. Problem is remembering them to bring up at dinner table conversation.

I have a cell phone, you have a cell phone I'd surmise...I keep notes with mine..you??? Or a black/green/orange/purple or yellowBERRY...which are bigger for notes.. :alien: :hide: :alien:
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Re: A little humor...

Post by DALederle »

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod (turf).

"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blonde #1.


"Do what?" asked Blonde #2.



"Send my lawn away to be mowed."
(30)
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Kirbstone
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Re: A little humor...

Post by Kirbstone »

My Dad was quite a raconteur and frequently asked to 'say a few words' after dinner. He kept a list of first lines and matching punch lines in his jacket breast pocket so he could refer quickly to an appropriate joke for the particular gathering or occasion. They were written on a folded peice of notepaper in his inimitable (and almost indecypherable) doctor's scrawl.
I was referring to Skip's and Dennis's one-liners, which must be delivered off the cuff as part of a conversation to have their maximum impact, not set-peice jokes.
A Blackberry or I-phone would indeed store a lot of stuff, but the last thing I would take into company is a cell phone or similar device. People who routinely do, and allow them to interrupt a meal/card game/sing-song or whatever conviviality that's underway need culling!

Despite all the forewarnings &c. one night in our National Concert Hall Sir James and Lady Galway were performing flute duets with piano accompaniment to a packed house. In the pause between movements of a particular work a mobile phone went off in the Choir Gallery !! It was quickly 'extinguished' and the concert went on as before.
I suspect there was a public garotting round the back of the building afterwards...

Tom K.
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Re: A little humor...

Post by Since1982 »

The Green Thing..



Moved to "The Good Old Days"




A good horse anticipates,

A great horse waits!!!

Have a GREAT Day
Last edited by Since1982 on Sun Aug 21, 2011 1:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: A little humor...

Post by Kirbstone »

Now that's a serious bit of cogent social comment, Skip. You posted it under 'a little humour', which it is, but it hits far harder than that.
I think that should be put up on billboads the length and breath of the Land. It's certainly food for thought.

There were some graffiti daubed on a wall in Munich some years ago which more or less said the same thing. I'll spare you the German:

'We all want to get back to Nature!'..................Then somebody else daubed underneath:
'But not on foot!'

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Re: A little humor...

Post by crfriend »

Kirbstone wrote:Now that's a serious bit of cogent social comment, Skip. You posted it under 'a little humour', which it is, but it hits far harder than that.
Yes, it is a biting bit of social satire, but comparing the early part of the middle of the last century to modern times is frought with peril.

Most of the observations are true enough -- up to a point. This was also the time when women stayed home because they had to in order to run the household to support the man who went out to make money (the modern-day equivalent of hunting) to support the entire enterprise. In the modern world, where one salary supports one adult (more or less), various powered devices are pretty much required if any standard of living or sanitation is to be maintained.

In the early part of the last century, I would have been able to walk to the local railway depot and catch a train that would take me places that would have literally been the gateway to the entire planet (ports). Nowadays I have to take my car to the aerodrome in The Big City, park for exhorbitant fees, and subject myself to a strip-search so I can get crammed into an aluminium tube and shot around the world in a decidedly unsafe (for my condition) environment. That's a big improvement there.

In the early part of the past century there were tram tracks in the road that led into the nearby "Big City"; those were torn up long ago because there was a move afoot to make sure that everybody needed a car. The tram lines also didn't make much money because moving people costs money -- and lots of it. There was also the creeping encroachment of the 24-hour workday coming where one is always "on the clock" in one way or another. There's another big improvement.

In the late years of the century before the last one, my little town had two railway lines and stations that served passengers; now we have none, and one of those lines was drowned beneath the self-same reserevoir that the Big City to the east decided that it needed and drowned the heart of my little town because of that need. Big win there.

I admit to growing weary when folks expound on "how good the 'Good Old Days' were" because it's mostly nostalgia. If we tried doing things that way now the very fabric of what we've come to know as society would likely be rent asunder; we would have to literally "go back in time" to make it work. Who is willing to do that? What would the costs be to everyone involved in the enterprise? Who would have to give up what to make it happen? Who would have to be culled to reduce the population so the "Old Way" of doing things could support the population?

Could things be a heck of a lot better? Yes. Not just yes, but Hell Yes! But we're not going to do it by nostalgically back-timing. We need 21st Century solutions to what the 19th and 20th Centuries got us into. We need to work smarter, not longer; we need energy from friendly -- or at least reliable and non-hostile -- sources; and we need to get back to being a society that can work together to solve some of these problems. Maybe, just maybe, I'll see some of that before I depart this little rock in the middle of nowhere. However, I am not at all convinced that I will.
'We all want to get back to Nature!'..................Then somebody else daubed underneath:
'But not on foot!'
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Re: A little humor...

Post by phathack »

When you actually look at the technology today compared to yesterday we are far more energy efficient and have a much lower impact on the environment than my parents or grand parents were.

Many people long for what they think was a better time back when yet they conveniently ignore all the inequities and injustice that permeated society back then.

Nope I'm looking forward to the future not backward to the past.
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Re: A little humor...

Post by Since1982 »

Moved my non-humor oriented posts to "The Good Old Days" thread.
Last edited by Since1982 on Sun Aug 21, 2011 1:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: A little humor...

Post by DALederle »

Skip:
To continue with your line of thought!
I was drinking out of a water bottle before the current craze began! Only in the Boy Scouts we called it a canteen and it was made of metal. You refilled it whenever you wanted to or could find a good water source. The men that fought in our armed services have had this for years, too. So now they make plastic throw aways and that's progress. HUH?
Actually I found some great tasting water while on nature hikes with the Boy Scouts, the Explorers and in later years as a Campfire leader teaching my daughters. There are mountain springs I found in the SDAK. and up in Wisc. that were clear and pure! Talk about a nice, refreshing drink on a hot summer day. In a cool, green glade, with a fresh water stream rushing down from above! Delicious!
(30)

:lol:
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Re: A little humor...

Post by Kirbstone »

I'm re-posting my 'Penny apples' story to the Good Old Days thread.

Tom K.
Last edited by Kirbstone on Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:21 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: A little humor...

Post by Since1982 »

I'm starting a new thread called "The Good Old Days" to let the humor thread get back to just humor as it started. :D :D :faint:
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Re: A little humor...

Post by Kirbstone »

Cartoon in 'The Oldie',....a British mag.:
individual cases.jpg
Tom K
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Re: A little humor...

Post by Since1982 »

I moved the more serious humor to "The Good Old Days" to appease the argumentative pickier members. If it doesn't get any play there, I'll move it back. Then the arguers will have to argue with themselves. Sad it came to that. :faint:
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Re: A little humor...

Post by DALederle »

The Girl at the Beach



A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they decided to just continue watching her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, 'Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?' He hadn't and said so.

Then she said, 'Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing.'

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave... The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.

'Well, is she selling drugs?' she asked excitedly. 'No, she's not,' he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

'Well, what is it then? What does she do?' his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said, 'She's a battery salesperson.'

'Batteries?' cried the wife.

'Yes!' he replied.

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OOOOH! You're gonna dislike me for this - but it will make your day!
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'She Sells C Cells down by the Seashore!'

And people ask me what I've been smokin'...


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:lol:
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