It's Punny Time !

[Uncle Al]

Good, Bad or Ugly - it doesn't matter.
A 'PUN' is fun, anytime

Murhpy's Law Pun 2018-09-14.jpg

Uncle Al

[FranTastic444]

I have a pet amphibian. His name is Tiny. Why do you call him Tiny? Because he's my newt!

Not sure if this translates to the US.....

[FranTastic444]

Some work better spoken than written. For example, what's a shih tzu?

One without any penguins

[Kirbstone]

Apparently Cole's Law tastes better with Mrs. Deck's dressing!

Tom

[Sinned]

Sorry, Tom, don't get that one. Who's Mrs Deck?

[Fred in Skirts]

Corny Puns
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1. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Jahmal.”The other goes to a family in Spain; they name his “Juan.”Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Jahmal.Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve see Juan, you’ve seen Jahmal!”

2. "Doc, I can't stop singing The green green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." " OMG is it common?" "Well it's not unusual."

...... "down the road I look and there comes Bessie, fine old cow but awful messy. That's why we have such green, green grass at home."
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What do you call a Nun who is a sleepwalker?

A Roman Catholic!~
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I'm reading a book about Gravity-------------It's hard to put down
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A friend tried to annoy me with Bird Puns, but toucan play the same game
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When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a woman’s body. Then I was born.
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You know it's OK to make out with a Nun--as long as you don't get in the Habbit!
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[pelmut]

Q:  What do you call a Swiss skin specialist?
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A:  A Zermattologist.

[Kirbstone]

Dennis,

In Montreal I recall Coleslaw & Dill with Mrs. Deck's dressin' featured on menus everywhere. Perhaps it's out of fashion nowadays, with the change in tastes. Haven't been there in a while.

Tom

[Sinned]

Thanks Tom, not something I would have come across then, not having been to Montreal.

Teacher says to little Johnny, "Can you give me a sentence with detail, defeat and defence in it?"
Johnny thinks for a moment then says, "Yes Miss, I can. De horse jumped over defence, defeat first den detail."

Well, you asked for it.

[Fred in Skirts]

Dennis you slay me!

[Fred in Skirts]

More Puns---------
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

I totally understand how batteries feel because I’m rarely ever included in things either

I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do....

How did the Eskimo build his house? igloo'd it together.

I asked why the Frisbee is getting bigger........then it hit me!!

A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils!

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went - then it dawned on me!

When you get a bladder infectine........ urine in trouble!

A mobile laundry service drives past the convent and seeing nuns, calls out: "You girls have any dirty habits?"

A Scotsman marries an American woman and soon they have a baby but argue as to what they should call it finally they settle on "Hawk Eye The Noo"

A duck goes into a bar and asks the barman does he serve fish the barman says no and the duck went out this goes on for a few days and finally the barman says "If you come in and ask for fish I am going to nail your beak to that table.
The next day the duck goes into the same bar and says " Have you got any nails"? !!!

And the worst for last-----

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions....

[FranTastic444]

One of the masters of the pun and clever wordplay has just died. I remember Denis Norden from It'll Be Alright on the Night, but he had a long and illustrious writing, tv and radio broadcasting career for many years before that.

Obit from the Times of London -
Norden’s humour was gentle, yet sharply literate and above all quintessentially British. “It’s a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan it’s when you discover that your wife left you in May,” he quipped. It was a joke designed to cause unbridled mirth in the English shires, but it would surely have baffled most of the rest of the world.

He coined the line "Infamy, infamy, they’ve all got it in for me!". (Re)Used to great effect recently here -

[pelmut]

My next door neighbour gave me a waterproof sheet.  I said "Ta Pauline".