Courage and Confidence

[Steve]

From here

The fundamental mistake people make about confidence, and life in general, is about shame. They are living from an orientation that they don’t want to be afraid.

The ego analysis of this condition is so shallow that it is deep. If you don’t want to be afraid it means you think it is bad to be so. So to be afraid means that you are bad. They are ashamed of being afraid. They don’t want others to know they are afraid because they think it is weak, bad or crazy to be afraid about whatever it is they are dealing with. (As an aside, there may be little difference between excitement and anxiety other than how you relate to them.)

Your fear is ego-dystonic if you don’t want it to be true about yourself. You are trapped in this sense invisibly by the language signification of the problem:

• You don’t want it to be true about yourself
• Therefore it is true

You also don’t want others to know it is true about you. This is just as bad since this language again carries the presupposition that it is true. It can seem like there is no way out. There are three solutions, as I see it: Accepting the truth, fighting the truth, or desiring the truth.

[...]

The way out is pride. You can’t see it because of shame, and you can’t experience your shame directly because much of what we all do is designed to hide it from each other.

[...]

So repeat after me: The truth is I’m afraid. I’m ashamed of being afraid and I worry you won’t take me seriously if you know that I have doubts and insecurities about what I’m saying. This matters to me because I care about you, and I care about what I’m doing. So, now that you know this, let’s get on with things, shall we?

I know this won't apply to some people here, who have been doing it so long they no longer pay much heed to these things when wearing a skirt--but to any lurkers out there or people still trying to get themselves over the hump--the only way forward is by DOING, and being scared is OK (NB you have the same existential fears as everyone else around you--including those who you fear would judge you for holding such existential fears)

[JeffB1959]

To add my two cents worth, courage and confidence when it comes to wearing skirts in public doesn't come right away, it takes time to develop what I call "emotional armor" for such an activity. I can still remember my first outing in a skirt way back in 2008, I was nervous and jittery, wondering and worried about what sort of response I'd get, worried I'd be laughed at, called vile names or, in an extreme case, face physical violence. When none of the above happened, I relaxed almost instantly and felt better about myself and what I had done. Each and every time I went out in a skirt, I could feel my courage and confidence grow, though in increments, and, in my opinion, that's the best way to go. To put things in simplistic terms, to quote that Nike slogan, "Just Do It".

[TheSkirtedMan]

To add my two cents worth, courage and confidence when it comes to wearing skirts in public doesn't come right away, it takes time to develop what I call "emotional armor" for such an activity. I can still remember my first outing in a skirt way back in 2008, I was nervous and jittery, wondering and worried about what sort of response I'd get, worried I'd be laughed at, called vile names or, in an extreme case, face physical violence. When none of the above happened, I relaxed almost instantly and felt better about myself and what I had done. Each and every time I went out in a skirt, I could feel my courage and confidence grow, though in increments, and, in my opinion, that's the best way to go. To put things in simplistic terms, to quote that Nike slogan, "Just Do It".

Exactly the same for myself and my wife when I first went out in public in 2011. I also these days stand by the expression "face your fears" because since 2010 when society had ground me down once too often and I made a stand for myself I realised often the fear is in your mind. Having said that I still will not rock climb, ski, theme parks etc. That is a fear I am happy to avoid and for the latter the fear of being sick which I know I would!

[crfriend]

Courage, it has been said (by many), is not the absence of fear, but rather a mastery of fear, and the willingness to stand up and do something in the face of that fear. Only the foolhardy have no fear; by contrast, the bravest among us may be scared almost witless by something, but yet persist and act in spite of that fear. It is by the latter that things hopefully get better.

[skirtingtoday]

To add my two cents worth, courage and confidence when it comes to wearing skirts in public doesn't come right away, it takes time to develop what I call "emotional armor" for such an activity. I can still remember my first outing in a skirt way back in 2008, I was nervous and jittery, wondering and worried about what sort of response I'd get, worried I'd be laughed at, called vile names or, in an extreme case, face physical violence. When none of the above happened, I relaxed almost instantly and felt better about myself and what I had done. Each and every time I went out in a skirt, I could feel my courage and confidence grow, though in increments, and, in my opinion, that's the best way to go. To put things in simplistic terms, to quote that Nike slogan, "Just Do It".

How very true! My first time in an actual skirt was in 2009 (though I had hired a kilt for a ceilih a couple of times from 2007 before purchasing my own one) - details recounted elsewhere (14" denim miniskirt) but in summary the only one who was nervous and bothered (and probably looked it) was myself. For the first few times after that, it was still quite an emotional struggle to get out of the car and just fill up with petrol, or go into that shop or DIY outlet.

For a time in those early days, I even went to a different store (same chain though) but further away to get the weeks shopping in until I had become more confident to go to my own local store (still some 4miles away though that being the nearest one). That too was a bit nervy as there was always a possoibility that some folk might reconise me there.

Nowadays, I regularly go into our local street shops to buy newspapers, curries, milk etc and almost nobody bats an eyelid (I do see one elderly shop assistant occasionally frowning when she thinks I am not looking - but she doesn't say anything untoward.)

So things have progressed for myself and I "Just do it!"

Ross

[crfriend]

Whilst it speaks of "patriotism", I suspect that the following rings true for many things -- especially those which buck "conventional wisdom":

In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.

[Orca]

Confidence in wearing skirts is something that needs to grow. Only when doing it, you gain the experience to 'fill' it in.
My son has joined my company and he must wear proper suits now and then when visiting customers. As a young man of our Dutch culture he had no previous reason to wear a business suit. But only by wearing it and attune himself to how he is addressed by other people, he can build up the feel of normalcy while wearing it.
Eventually he will revert to his actual persona and be able to handle situations and encounters like he used to but it will take a while. I see it like my first leather jacket; You have to project an aura of 'toughness' to pull it off is what you think. After a while when you subconsciously accept that you're not treated differently you'll fall back to your normal pattern.
Just thinking that a skirt is different puts your mind in a 'self-defense' mode. Only when you're over that phase you can extrude confidence and thereby be confident. I kinda miss that feeling now and then... It made skirt wearing something special and thereby me a bit special.

[crfriend]

[...]I kinda miss that feeling now and then... It made skirt wearing something special and thereby me a bit special.

I don't know. Personally, I don't miss that "rush" much at all; everybody else already knows I'm fairly unique just by my mannerisms. I don't need the uncertainty and doubt.