Have a good laugh with another "Oldie but Goodie"

[Uncle Al]

I do suggest that you don't eat or drink anything while you read this

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit,
I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon,
he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and
the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s*** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say
he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat
it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
the grub, yeah God."
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter
pulling contest at St. Taffy's!



Uncle Al

[melsav]

Very good, lol. Can't stop having a giggle every time I think about it.

[r.m.anderson]

Uncle Al:

Well you did warn us not to be eating and drinking while OOPS reading this off the computer !
Mop - Broom - Clean-up on aisle "C" !

Damn you Uncle Al now it is a dry cleaning issue with me skirt (Kilt) !
Well you did comment and I was warned - half way thru the sermon I was already pun(ned)ch drunk !

Pope Francis would approve this sermon ! So would the late J.C. now would someone turn off the
infinite supply of loaves and fishes - restore the Red Sea to sea level - and tell Noah to stop floating his boat
and tell that Indiana Jones fellow to give up the Last Crusade - that he won't find the Crystal Skull and the
Ark of the Covenant inside the Temple of Doom and further more don't bring an empty gun to a fight !

Gee Golly I didn't know that St. Paddy's day would affect a person that way - take two Jameson and call
me in the morning - something about a sermon run amok with the blessing of the Monsignor !

[Jack Williams]

I can't help wondering what the monsignor thought of it.
The cogregation would have really cracked up you bet!