Outed

[Brad]

I always kept my skirt wearing a secret from my daughter. I believe that you don't involve kids in adult matters that they can't understand at young ages. Also, she had a difficult time dealing with her parents splitting up when she was 6 and I didn't want to add to her problems coping and adjusting.

Now she is a wonderful mature 23 year old woman. And I always felt like I was dishonest with her for not sharing this side of my life with her. Until the other day. I mistakenly sent her pictures of me in a skirt that were intended for someone else. I immediately told her that it was a mistake, I was sorry, and please delete the pics and don't share them. And then waited for the inevitable fallout that would ensue.

She texted me back that she doesn't care what I do to be happy and she'll keep my secret, followed by a smiley face. Maybe this mistake was meant to be. I feel better not having to hide this important facet of me from her. And I learned that my daughter is even more wonderful than I thought.

It seems that I worry more about what I think people will think of seeing me in a skirt than what they will really think. I'm still the same person underneath regardless of how I choose to express my outward appearance.

[Caultron]

...It seems that I worry more about what I think people will think of seeing me in a skirt than what they will really think...

Exactly and, in my observation, remarkably common. More than limiting ourselves by the reactions of others, we limit ourselves by the worst possible imagined reactions of others.

But in fact, others are much more likely to respect the strength of our convictions than to denigrate the means we use to express them.

[skirtyscot]

Good result, Brad. Do you now wish you had told her deliberately? And maybe a bit sooner?

But who do you text picture of yourself in a skirt to?

[Brad]

Those are good questions SkirtyScot.

Do I wish I told her deliberately? Yes, it would have been nice to have had an open discussion to put it all in context for her. I didn't because I was afraid she wouldn't accept it. I am her father after all and she's daddy's little girl.

Who do I text pics of me in a skirt to? Several really good long-time female friends who know me very well and are accepting.

[crfriend]

Do I wish I told her deliberately? Yes, it would have been nice to have had an open discussion to put it all in context for her. I didn't because I was afraid she wouldn't accept it. I am her father after all and she's daddy's little girl.

Well, the cat's out of the bag, and it looks like "Daddy's little girl" has shown her mettle. Well done on that -- very well done.

It'll be interesting to hear if any conversation is had that can be shared more or less publically. In any event, I wish you the best and am happy that she took the "news" well.

(Perhaps we shouldn't worry so much that our juniors, or children, will take things wrongly...)

Who do I text pics of me in a skirt to? Several really good long-time female friends who know me very well and are accepting.

For the win. Hopefully you're close to one.

[Vince5680]

Well done. That is very good news. After my son came home and caught me wearing a skirt. He was not approving.
I then thought it was time I told my daughters, before they heard from my son.
I was pleased when they both supported me and accepted me this way.
Now my youngest daughter is living at my house with her partner they accept me wearing a skirt. I wear a skirt most days when I am not working. I will also change into a skirt after work.
From my experience, the girls are much more accepting.
I too wish I had told them all before I got caught.
Talking of photos, my youngest daughter had a picture of me in the garden wearing my skirt on her phone. Her partners mother accidentally came across my photo when looking at some other photos with my daughter. She also took it well.
She works in a filling station and said "we often see men in skirts at the filling station"
So we are not the only ones!

[skirtyscot]

Ah, someone who has come across the concept of a man in a skirt before. It would be nice to meet one of them!

I suspect that is a new meaning of the word "often", though, i.e. "Now and again" or "a couple of times a year". But you never know, maybe common sense is breaking out at last!

[couyalair]

Brad, please don't take what I am writing as some personal attack; I'm sure you had good reasons for your decisions.
I'd just like to give my reactions as part of a general discussion.

I always kept my skirt wearing a secret from my daughter. I believe that you don't involve kids in adult matters that they can't understand at young ages.

"Adult matters"? Sounds like skirt-wearing is equated with pornography, sex shops, etc. I'm sure that clothing is easier to talk about with children than sexual questions. Nor do I think that there should be any implied link between the two. That is an all-too-common misconception already.
Some people seem to be most anxious to prevent children from discovering the shapes and varieties of our anatomy (throughout history, the majority of children grew up in the country and learned all about sex from simple observation. Surely they did not all turn into perverts!), and even today, in films, male organs are carefully hidden from view, whereas bullet wounds and blood are openly displayed. But to go a step further and hide from children's eyes some unusual clothing ... Sorry, that's beyond my understanding -- unless the clothing and sexual activity are lumped together in the wearer's mind with strong feelings of sin and shame. This is not impossible; in France today girls avoid skirts since these garments are regarded as an invitation to hands on. Yes, alas; clothing and sexual activity are lumped together in many minds.

I mistakenly sent her pictures of me in a skirt ...
She texted me back that she doesn't care what I do to be happy and she'll keep my secret

That's great. She would probably have been just as happy, if you had worn skirts with her all along.

If I say, I wore my tartan kilts without misgivings in front of my children, you'd say But kilts are different. Yes, indeed, quite right; it's not difficult to find reasons for dressing up in a kilt. But they never asked for reasons; why should they? Mum & Dad re never wrong! In France, a kilt is a skirt. Although at the time, I did not think of wearing any other type of skirt, I am quite sure that if I had, my children would have seen it as just another part of my wardrobe. Indeed, by the time the grandchildren came along, I was nearly always unbifurcated, tartan or otherwise, and they grew up with that, no questions asked. Children's minds are far more open than adults' -- until narrow-minded adults start passing their prejudices on the their children, of course.

I do believe that, if we do not wish to reinforce the notion that a skirt is some sort of titillating fetish, then we should be open about our choices and show the world we are proud to stand out from the flock, to be strong enough to step outside the box of convention.

Martin

[skirtyscot]

Well said, Martin!

Alastair

[Caultron]

...I do believe that, if we do not wish to reinforce the notion that a skirt is some sort of titillating fetish, then we should be open about our choices and show the world we are proud to stand out from the flock, to be strong enough to step outside the box of convention...

Well said!

[Brad]

When I used the phrase "adult matters", I was in no way equating men's skirt wearing with anything pornographic. There are many adult matters that we don't discuss with children because their life experience and maturity is not advanced enough to comprehend. Children should not know if their parents are committing felony crimes, abuse alcohol or drugs, having extra marital affairs, belong to subversive radical organizations, etc. etc. etc. These are in no way pornographic but we still don't discuss them with our children.

[crfriend]

Children should not know if their parents are committing felony crimes, abuse alcohol or drugs, having extra marital affairs, belong to subversive radical organizations, etc. etc. etc.

I mean no disrespect, but how are any of the above even tangentially related to how we attire ourselves?

I could see the argument when framed in the 1950's mind, but we're now solidly, whether we like it or not, in the 21st Century -- and I rather suspect that the youngsters of the late 20th Century -- if presented with the concept well -- would have "gotten it". After all, it was in the late 20th Century that the whole "unisex" movement (a unidirectional movement, I'll add) got its start. The youngsters will have likely looked at is in the, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander" vein, being naïve enough to miss the subtext, and would likely have been accepting -- as they seem to be today.

So Dad wears a skirt. Big fat hairy deal, he's still Dad!

[Brad]

My last post was in response to Caultron who was critical of me for not discussing skirt wearing with my then younger daughter because I didn't feel children should be concerned by "adult matters". He thought I was somehow equating skirt wearing with something pornographic. I responded that there are many types of adult matters that we don't discuss with our children and they are certainly not pornographic. I didn't understand his contention that my unwillingness to discuss this with my daughter was wrong.

We know that children can be more accepting than adults because they haven't been socialized yet. Children take things at face value and don't see too far beyond that.

Please don't second-guess me for a decision I made years ago not to talk to my daughter. Maybe looking back it was wrong but it felt right at the time. I feel like I'm being flamed here as if my decision not to tell her perpetuates our lack of societal acceptance. I thought this was a more supportive forum and I'm sorry to say that I'm not feeling the love.

[couyalair]

"Flamed"?
Brad, I did write "Please don't take what I am writing as some personal attack; I'm sure you had good reasons for your decisions."

Perhaps I should not have used your story, but I thought it was a good starting point for a discussion -- not about whether you were right or wrong -- but simply about whether we should feel any shame about what we wear, and whether children react well or badly to men in skirts. And about the absence of any connexion between clothing and sexuality.

It's sad that society can put so much pressure on men to conform that they feel there is something mentally wrong about not conforming, but that is the way society works; we have to be brave to step out of the box -- which is probably far easier today in the west than it was when Brad's daughter was a little girl. Society IS changing.

Sorry to have upset anyone.
Martin

[skirtyscot]

I think people have been a bit puzzled by one or two remarks and have analysed them to death, rather than being intentionally unsupportive. But I can see why you feel like you're being taken to task for your decision not to tell your young child about your skirts. It's not an easy decision because you can't tell what consequences it might have. How many men here, from lurkers to the most regular posters, want to wear skirts but do not do it at all, or do it secretly, for much the same reason? By telling some friends about your skirts you were being more open than those men.

So please don't take it to heart!