Legal fears of possible neighbor interaction

[Bri]

So I thought about this the other day when I was weeding the back yard and a couple of the neighbor's girls threw a ball and it landed in the back yard. I was busy weeding and they asked if they could come and get the ball (was wearing capri jeans) so I said, sure. They came over and I kept weeding, they must have been looking for that ball for 10min. What are people's thoughts on if I wore a skirt and since he does have small kids (mostly girls, that's all I've ever seen) and he threatened me with that oh so scary thought of somehow labeling me as a sex offender (which is really easy to be labeled as apparently, and very difficult to have erased from a record, a record that right now doesn't exist.) or something just as bad. Fiancee was also reading this right before I wrote the "or something just as bad".

Any legal advice would help, kind of like the idiom it's better to have the gun and not need it, then need it and not have it. In this case info is my "gun".

[Departed Member]

I wouldn't have even allowed them into the garden/yard (at least not without one of their parents present) regardless of attire. And that is despite the fact that the UK is still somewhat further behind the US over sexual paranoia. Remember, if you will, the vast majority of (male) paedophiles wear (you've guessed it!) tr*users. In fact, can anyone cite examples (or even one?) where a known paedophile has been 'apprehended' whilst wearing a skirt?

Why has he threatened you? And why has he reacted in such a way? If that had been me, I would have waited only until he left, and immediately called the Police. Poor taste in clothes is no reason for anyone to threaten another person - especially in their own abode!

[Bri]

He hasn't done anything to me, but just the idea that if he didn't like something about me, he has his 2 girls he could use as leverage against me for whatever stupid/sick reason. I also haven't heard of any skirted pedophiles which is good, but that's just another thing they could bring against. Someone wears a skirt so they must be even more sick than someone who doesn't. But that's, again just stupid worrying of me. The thing police would probably say is exactly what we say, what they chose to wear is their choice and as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. There's nothing that can legally be done about it.

[crfriend]

Any legal advice would help, kind of like the idiom it's better to have the gun and not need it, then need it and not have it. In this case info is my "gun".

First off, the obligatory disclaimer: I am not a lawyer. I don't even play one on television.

Really, though, I suspect that the best avenue is to be engaged in your local community, and the more folks you get to know, and who get to know you, the better. It's been said that "reputation is what people are not thinking about you", and in cases like this, that works. If everybody around you cannot conceive of you being anything other than a harmless eccentric because of your "offbeat" attire then any allegations will hold vastly less weight with the community.

The above said, though, given the level of paranoia about paedophilia these days, it's best for a non-parent (especially a male non-parent) to stay completely away from children. Interestingly, there was some commentary on the phenomenon on this sort of thing at my favourite Internet comic-strip "User Friendly" just today.

In any event, good luck with things, and try not to be too paranoid yourself.

[Since1982]

I'm not a lawyer either, but my suggestion to you is to do what I did when I first started skirting all the time publically. There are lots of children living in my neighborhood and I went to every house that had children in the evening before dark when their parents had just gotten home from work and explained my wearing a skirt was a personal choice for comfort. I explained that I'd been wearing skirts in my home for over 30 years and finally had gotten up the nerve to live my life without fear of "what others would think" about my clothing choices. I explained about my lower back pain I used to have with trousers and hated every day I had to (or thought I had to ) wear trousers all the time outside. I explained I wasn't a transvestite or in any way wanted to look like or act like a woman. Just a comfortable man in a comfortable skirt.

[Uncle Al]

I'm not a lawyer either, but my suggestion to you is to do
what I did when I first started skirting all the time publically.
<snip>
I explained about my lower back pain I used to have with trousers
and hated every day I had to (or thought I had to ) wear trousers
all the time outside. I explained I wasn't a transvestite or in any
way wanted to look like or act like a woman. Just a comfortable
man in a comfortable skirt.

OK Skip--What was the concenous of the neighbors?
What was their reaction to your 'knock-on-the-door'?
Did you show up wearing a skirt or (being in Florida) shorts?

Your 'report' will help alot of others here break free from their
home, and get out and about. It will give others ideas on
how to cope with their own neighbors.

Then - Hey-If Skip can do this then so can I!

Skip, it's time to tell all--Enquiring minds want to know!

Uncle Al
Duncanville, TX

[Bri]

I've worn skirts out in the back yard and since I'm on a higher lot than the other people, they can easily see me when I open the back door and sometimes I'm in a skirt, so I'm getting the idea that a few people have seen me from time to time in a skirt, but I've not heard anything about it. Of course they still talk to me and all that, and I've sensed some concern from the neighbor in the back of me when he went to chop some of the trees down in his yard. He was almost worried that I would be hostile or mean towards him because a limb came down on my side of the fence. I was very calm and said, Take the limb away when you feel like doing it, it's no trouble to me, and I don't care if there's a log on my side of the yard.

He almost kept telling me that he was sorry that he had trimmed the tree and dropped the limb on my side. I again told him that it didn't bother me at all and when gets the limb he gets the limb. So maybe the last tenants of this house weren't the nicest nor as laid back about things and he's still on the trauma caused by that.

I spoke with another neighbor on the left side of me and confirmed that the previous family living in this house were bunch of pigs and she was just happy to see someone actually taking care of the place. Maybe that's a big plus on my part.

[PatJ]

"First off, the obligatory disclaimer: I am not a lawyer. I don't even play one on television.

Really, though, I suspect that the best avenue is to be engaged in your local community, and the more folks you get to know, and who get to know you, the better."

Just a couple of things.

First off - that first sentence made me laugh out loud right in front of my computer. I've read a lot of jokes on the world wide web, but that one rates among the best.

Second - those who abuse children are often some of the most well known and best liked people in the community. That is part of the problem. They "groom" parents and children so that everyone thinks that the children are "safe" in their company.The court cases show lists of witnesses who testify to the wonderful charector of the sexual predator with only a couple witnesses against them.

(The Catholic Church has provided extensive training in an effort to prevent the abuse of children that happened in the past. Mistakes may have been made that cannot be undone, at least they are trying to prevent future mistakes.)

The advice of, "Have a parent come look for the lost ball with the child" was the safest and best advice given.

PatJ

[Milfmog]

I'm not going to offer any advice on how to deal with the situation, but I can't let this go without noting my sorrow that the world seems to be so diseased that we now have to caution adult males against any unchaperoned interaction with children. If that is an honest reflection of the way society is we are all far poorer for it.

Perhaps I should change my sign off to read "Have fun (but stay away from the kids)".

Sadly,


Ian.

[RichardA]

Milfmog I think your right a child these days screams rape or he touched me and your guilty even before you get to the police station

[Milfmog]

Milfmog I think your right a child these days screams rape or he touched me and your guilty even before you get to the police station

I think it's worse than that. Often it seems to be adults who decide on behalf of the child that "something inappropriate might have gone on if the situation continued". In a word: hysteria.

It reminds me of the (probably apocryphal) story of a young, female, journalist visiting a camp where soldiers were giving teenagers a taste of army life. She was horrified to find that the soldiers were teaching the youngsters how to use a gun and accused the commanding officer of equipping the kids with the skills to become terrorists. He replied that she was equipped to be a prostitute, but that did not make her one.

Sometimes I feel that men are all seen as being equipped as rapists / paedophiles and guilty until proven innocent.


Ian.

[crfriend]

I think it's worse than that. Often it seems to be adults who decide on behalf of the child that "something inappropriate might have gone on if the situation continued". In a word: hysteria.

If I'm not mistaken, the law of unintended consequences has already been invoked in this case and resulted in the death of a child who desperately needed help and all the adults around were too afraid of false accusations to do anything. That's truly tragic -- and avoidable.

Sometimes I feel that men are all seen as being equipped as rapists / paedophiles and guilty until proven innocent.

That seems to be the case here, and proving innocence is tricky if not outright impossible. Hence the fear.

[Departed Member]

Indeed, in cases where an accusation (from a child of an adult) is made, the accused is liable - immediately - to have their own children snatched, or be forced to move out or be denied contact with their grandkids, etc. And this is with absolutely NO evidence being presented. This situation could go on for months, not weeks. It's a turn-around in the Law by which the accused, although not party to the detail of an accusation, is expected to prove their innocence. It is a loaded dice, for sure, and cuts clean across the human rights of many more folk than might be realised. On top of that, the Social Services "Child Protection Unit" (in the UK) will attempt to bully the accused's partner into making false statements, ask them if they, or their children have been 'abused' and generally try and drive a wedge between the accused and their immediate family. This is NOT hearsay. It has happened, still happens and will continue to do so. Thanks to a clever bit of skullduggery in the Children's Act, the Police have NO powers to intervene, once the SS is involved.

The 'net' result of the (often media-generated) hysteria, is that blokes (in particular) will no longer volunteer to be involved with Scouts, Cubs, Youth Clubs etc., to the detriment of Society as a whole. Even if you're out with one of your grandkids (just you & them), you're liable to 'excessive scrutiny' from some (deranged?) passer-by. And I suspect it'd be even worse in the USA(?).

[Bri]

This is almost why (when reading the comments) I almost don't want to have kids. I know though, someone would say that's a stupid reason that has real reasoning. Is it really stupid to not want to be labeled as a pedophile just because there are kids around me?

I had this conversation with my fiancee and a few other women and they all think it's incredibly stupid how women can get away with so much more in society. They can take a kid into the toilet with them (either gender) and men are looked at as, oh my god, you're taking a kid into that room and going to see their parts and might even have to touch them.

Maybe to me it's just one of those newly found fads that's blame the X chromosome for all your problems in life. If this is the way it's going to be, why would I want to bring a life into that s***??? especially a boy. But there is an officer that knows us here, as we have him dispatched as many times as needed to clear the local kids out of the street. I could always ask him about how pedophiles are arraigned and all the stuff about records.

[Departed Member]

I could always ask him about how pedophiles are arraigned and all the stuff about records.

Definitely NOT a good idea! Please don't even think about doing that. If anything (paedo-wise) were to happen in your area, he might just put 2 + 2 together and make 5!