Contradance weekend - I nearly wore a skirt ...

[Charlie]

We've just returned from a contradance weekend at Halsway Manor - the music is still going around inside my head . I've always wanted to wear a long, swirly skirt while contradancing, so this seems the perfect opportunity to do so.

In the airing cupboard I found a long, burgundy-coloured skirt which is soooo comfortable. It's a few inches too large around the waist (even larger on my wife) so I took it in. The material is 100% viscous, sort of elastic and crinkly, giving it a hem of about 120" when stretched out.

I tried it on and was wearing it (deliberately) when my wife came home. Her reaction? "That fits you nicely" she said. (Yesssssss )

I explained that some of the guys at Skirtcafe (she still knows it as Tom's cafe) wear skirts while contradancing, and that I'd like to try it at the contra weekend, but was a bit concerned she might be embarrassed. She remembered that a local contra caller had told us about American men wearing skirts for contradance, and thought I was brave to wear it in front of everyone else at the weekend.

Saturday evening, I put the skirt on and reality kicked in. "Your not really going to wear it are you?" she asked. "Does it look silly?" I replied. We agreed it did and I wore a 21st Century kilt instead. Just as well, because there was a girl there who was well aware that some men wear skirts for contradance, and she asked if it was a 21st C kilt - she recognised the thunderbolt kilt pin. She also mentioned seeing web site that advises men on how to choose and accessorise their skirts for contradance. There were several references to men wearing skirts for contra in the USA, and I got the impression that some men wear them at the Sidmouth folk dance festival which I've heard of but never visited.

A couple of the women there said they liked to see a man in a kilt, and thought the 21st C kilt looked smart.

I was a little disappointed not to wear the skirt, but wife's feelings come first, and I trust her judgement. I've ordered a 'Warrior' skirt from Bruno Loodts in Belgium, and intend wearing it to the works Christmas dinner dance. Hope she likes it.

Two of the guests came from Dundee in Scotland so, when we turned up, me in a denim Union kilt, the organiser fell into the kilt = Scot trap and thought we were them He was soon put right

I've come to the conclusion that (most!) men are either unaware of, or simply deny themselves, the delights of wearing a skirt. It's neither illegal or immoral and is a pleasure that should not be denied to anyone who cares to experience it.

Charlie

[Peter v]

This is very interesting. The thought of men wearing skirts when dancing. Why not?

I don't dance

But I do think it would be a good thing if more men wore skirts when dancing.
It is only unfortunate that there are so many men( and their wives) klinging on to kilts ( nice) and not just wearing skirts. Although kilts seem to be found safer, Bulshit, ( excuse me) Also that looks sometimes like staying in the well known areas, while the real ambition is to wear other skirts. I think if men are going to wear skirts when dancing, they should wear all types, appropriate to the style of dance being taken up.

Not saying anything about the men who chose kilts as such.

Peter v.

[JRMILLER]

Charlie,
We are ballroom dancers and I typically wear a tux. I have a very nice black skirt that would work very well with the tux, but wife says next year. We are the presidential couple (which means we do all the work) and she doesn't want to experiment with that group -- yet. However, next year, Halloween is coming.

There is a Contra dance group here in our area which we are going to check out, since they are complete strangers I think I will be able to wear one to that dance. The trick is keeping up, they move a lot faster than ballroom dancers typically move!

A kilt is a good compromise and frankly, if even one other person is wearing a skirt and if they haven't been beaten up and run out of the dance on a rail with tar and feathers, then I would say go for it! Of course, you know that that kind of thing just doesn't happen anymore!

[AMM]

...Saturday evening, I put the skirt on and reality kicked in. "Your not really going to wear it are you?" she asked. "Does it look silly?" I replied. We agreed it did ....

There are guys wearing skirts at dances that look silly, and those that don't. I would say that it depends upon the skirt, upon your shape, upon what you wear with the skirt, and upon your attitude.

Some guys appear to be so distracted by the idea of wearing a skirt that they can't be aware of how it looks, and neither can anyone watching them.

Some guys have -- let us say, an aesthetic that I can't relate to.

And some (to my eye) look good and at home in a skirt. (I'd like to think that I fall into this category.)

I suspect that it's a little harder doing this in the UK, unless it's one of those events that's advertised in the US and has a substantial proportion of USA'ers, who are used to the idea. It's a lot easier wearing a skirt if the reaction you get is "oh, yet another guy dancing in a skirt" than if it's "is that guy wearing what I think he is?"

[cessna152towser]

Only a matter of time till you wear it to dance Charlie. I found that dancing pushed the boundaries of my own clothing choice - got my first kilt about fifteen years ago, specifically for wearing as costume to Scottish Country Dancing. There it would have stayed had I not injured my leg and been forced to wear a kilt to work while on crutches and unable to put on trousers - and that was five years ago and was so well received by colleagues and public that now I wear kilts almost every day, or even a knee length denim skirt.

[SkirtDude]

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[Peter v]

Like cessna said - I'm sure the right time will come. I actually don't like to wear a skirt the first time I am in any group - my experience is that people see me as the guy in the skirt rather than everything else I am. Once I've had a chance to know the people a bit more then I "loosen up".

I believe that to very true. On the other hand, if you appear in a skirt the first time, you can look at the others, quite normal and like: "what is going on here, no other men in skirts? You are not up to date." And the others seeing you very normal, self assured, may think, O we have missed something. He is here very normal, confident, acting just normally, then it must be normal to wear skirts and will not question it.

One thing is for sure, not wearing a skirt is lost time and doesn't help others getting used to seeing it.

For me the question is, how long will you have to not be your self before the others really know the real you, and you feel that you can wear a skirt? The problem with that is that they first learn a different you, and when you wear a skirt will have a rethink again, possibly thinking, if he kept the skirt thing from us, what else is he keeping from us?

It is never easy, but I myself think that just going in a skirt as much as possible is the only real way to go. If you want people to accept you easily, never wear a skirt again. then there will never be any doubts from others. many of us may do so as you mentioned not to lose out on understanding and respect, build up to a climax, that being an entrance in skirt much later on, but all the time we are not being our true selves is already our los, self inflicted.

Peter v.

[JRMILLER]

Guys,
I am going to my first contra dance this Friday -- I contacted one of the principle people in organizing the event. I asked about men in skirts -- here is the reply:

"In fact, the All Soles dance, held at First Unitarian Universalist Church in Clintonville once a month, was founded seven years ago because I became incensed at some narrow-minded conservative dancers who suggested we start a separate line for "guys who dance with guys, guys who wear skirts", etc. All Soles was born (and has flourished) and those narrow-minded dancers haven't been heard from in years."

So, I'm gonna go for it -- the skirt that is. Wife says she is wearing jeans, go figure!

[SkirtDude]

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[Pythos]

What is really aggravating about this thread is the wives or women being discouraging, and the men just folding like a house of cards.

For the person that is the presidential couple. That sounds like a very high position. Why the heck should you not experiment?

The line of "then reality set in", was really saddening. Reality? What the heck is that? Why is the idea of you wearing a skirt instead of a G.D. kilt was apealing to your wife before, what prompted the change?

When my mother said something like "oh you're not wearing that?" when she got first sight of what outfit I had on. (leggings, with a nice knit sweater was one I recall), I countered with "Are you going there wearing pants? Anyways, Amy likes the look" Notice, there was no reality setting in, I countered the BS statement my mother made, and backed it up with a female liking the look. My mother's statement was based off of fear of what others would think. She of course does not take into account that several decades ago, the outfit she had on would not be acceptable for a woman to wear.

This was when I was in my early twenties, you guys are what? Forty? Fifty? Successful people.

Now, if your outfit looks outrageously stupid, then yea perhaps reality should set in. If it just looks odd cause our stupid society is more ready to accept pants 50 times the size they need to be, than a guy in a skirt, then perhaps it is time to change reality.

Remember this guys. Every time you or I are put down for wearing a skirt, is because skirts are currently feminine items of clothing. In the minds of a small stupid minority, feminine is weak, and feeble, and associated with humiliation and other negative things. This small minority is very vocal, to the point that it seems it is common thought.

When you back down from wearing your skirts, you are allowing those Neanderthals to win another "keep the women down" battle. Cause a man in a skirt is trying to be a woman, and women are lesser than men. They are of course quite incorrect, but no-one ever tells them this, instead we hide, or blend in.

There is a term I despise because I find it sexist as hell "grow a pair", so instead I will use a much more apealing and much less sexist statement.

Get some guts guys.

Stop backing down.

Lately I have been backing down. Why? Because no one lately has been trying to have a personal style. Every one wears the same big name lable clothing, and usually it involves bifibricated garments, many times the size they should be. I frankly am getting tired of backing down, only problem is my back ups, (friends, girl friends) have all gone mundane. Jeans and T-shirts, every F-ing day. My female roomate actually wore a skirt this thanksgiving, but the outfit was beyond frumpy. Creativity is dying, and we are letting it happen.

We all need to go out there and do it.

[Since1982]

Sounds like the intolerant dancers needed to be told to go for a hike.

Gee, that looks like SkirtDude is being just as intolerant as the intolerant guys. The guys against guys in skirts are being intolerant and the guys against guys against guys in skirts are being just as intolerant too.

In more understandable words, being against anyone for any reason is called "intolerance". Which makes SkirtDude just as intolerant as the other guys that were quoted.

[crfriend]

Gee, that looks like SkirtDude is being just as intolerant as the intolerant guys. The guys against guys in skirts are being intolerant and the guys against guys against guys in skirts are being just as intolerant too.

Not really. Sometimes folks need a good hard push to make things happen, and it sounds precisely like that's what happened with the "All Soles" group (I love that pun). On the face of it, it sounds like Mr. Miller has found a good place to go and dance. It's a pity his wife'll be wearing "The Uniform", though.

Good find, John!

[Charlie]

The line of "then reality set in", was really saddening. Reality? What the heck is that? Why is the idea of you wearing a skirt instead of a G.D. kilt was apealing to your wife before, what prompted the change?

Reality is the cold light of dawn. At home, all cosy and warm, wearing the skirt seemed a good idea. In our room at the dance centre, in unfamiliar surroundings, it wasn't such a good idea. I had put the skirt on and was ready to go when she got cold feet. As others have said, skirt wearing is secondary to marital harmony. My wife is very supportive and I'll do nothing to harm that support. She just needs to get used to the idea of me wearing a skirt, as opposed to a kilt or sarong, in public (something I need to do as well).

A thought - it is a very nice skirt and my wife says she may wear it now that I've taken it in. Perhaps she didn't want me upstaging her on the dance floor

Our club has a contra dance in February 2008, so perhaps by then we'll be ready for me to take to the floor - skirted The club members still refer to my kilts as skirts - probably to try and wind me up.

Charlie

[JRMILLER]

I have to agree with Charlie, reality is I am married and like being married. My wife has been really, really good about all of this. We both have been brain washed over our 50+ years. It takes time, patience and effort to undo the damage. We are making good progress and I am going to my dance in either a kilt which I just received or a skirt. She will be coming with me, I just need to talk her into wearing a skirt too instead of those damn jeans!

[Charlie]

I just need to talk her into wearing a skirt too instead of those damn jeans!

Hope you succeed JR. I can't understand why anyone (male or female) would want to contra dance in jeans or trousers - they are just too hot and limit the amount of fun you can have. But then, we're all different ...

Charlie