New girlfriend not accepting.......

[Brandy]

It seems hash but here is another thought. While you were honest with her and presented yourself completely, she on the other hand has been decietfull and dishonest .... errr she lied to you. Is this any way to start a relationship? If she lied about something as important as her feels about your attire what else is she hiding?

When it really comes down to it the clothes are an expression of your inner self, if she is rejecting the the clothes is she also rejecting you? The other point over a lifetime the choice of attire is just that a choice. ld be poAnd is not as important as many other things like career, children, etc.

It could be possible now that you become better aquainted that she IS thinking about how to explain to her mom why the father of the her child wears skirts.

Bottom line for her it's a control issue. You give in she is in control. Can you live like that?

-- Brandy

[supertaff]

So you get 6 hours a week to be you and the rest of the time you’re in servitude?

That's about it.... But it's not that bad.
Most of the time I'm in work, it's only the evenings and weekends that I'd be able to "play" so 2 nights a weeks isn't that bad really.

At least she's started on the road to acceptance... Beleive me, it's a lot better than it was.

I love her too much to put her through seeing me dressed, as I know it upsets her so much. Love is of more value to me than wearing a skirt.

ST

[Departed Member]

That's about it.... But it's not that bad.
Most of the time I'm in work, it's only the evenings and weekends that I'd be able to "play" so 2 nights a weeks isn't that bad really.

At least she's started on the road to acceptance... Beleive me, it's a lot better than it was. ST

You use the word "play" and "dressing up" to describe your activities. Perhaps your g/f is concerned that the 'game' (and particularly your attire) has become more important to you than your feelings for the other 'player' i.e., her. Don't forget, women get exposed to an awful lot of 'bad press' on issues such as this in their magazines. You only have to pick one up while waiting the attention of your doctor/dentist to realise that stories like "My man used to wear my undies, now he wants to be a girl!" are regular 'fodder' used to influence women's opinions. I really wonder if your g/f is leaning towards acceptance or whether she's just buying time.....

[iain]

I agree with that. a woman might be very interested in experimenting with a predominantly male figure but if at any stage she feels the underlying masculinity is compromised, things are different.

not saying this is what has actually happened, but it might be her perception. when people focus on one aspect, it can become larger in their view than everything else.

like merlin says, if she feels the game is more important than her, the game becomes a competitor and she will resent it and all things leading to it. that could be dealt with by offering to give it all up. when she sees that, she might realise you made a sacrifice, feel important again, and then see it isn't a threat, and allow it to re-enter the stage again, knowing she has the upper hand over "it" and feeling confident about it.

you're right that it's your expression, but the marriage itself is the creation of two people and you need to take her perceptions into account. you can't have a marriage all on your own!

well, I guess we all have our own problems; most relationship problems seem to be a matter of perception more than anything else.

[Bravehearts.us]

Were you wearing a Kilt when you met your girl? MAybe she's trying to find out how much you are willing to give up for her and how much control she can have over you.

[Bravehearts.us]

I too was struck by your use of the word “play”, especially the second time you used it. I never thought of it as play in my life but then I don’t dress as a female. It sounds like you are using this as a sexual thing and maybe she’s just tired of it. Maybe she’s catered to you all this time and now it’s time for you to cater to her needs. From your posts it doesn’t sound like you are talking about fashion freedom as much as you are talking about sexual freedom that someone else just isn’t turned on by any more.

[Bob]

I would agree with Braveharts.us. "Dressing up" and "playing" are classic crossdresser activities. This board isn't about that game, and it's not about cross-dressing. The women in our lives don't "dress up" when they wear jeans, and neither do we when we wear a skirt or kilt.

[iain]

Yes, a strange transformation seems to happen to forums like this. The forum starts out with a simple premise: skirts can be masculine and can be worn by men. People gravitate to this common sense idea and everybody agrees: a man can still be distinct from a woman, wearing a skirt. Just like Naomi Campbell is not going to be mistaken for a man just because she wears jeans. She retains her femininity.

Then it ends up attracting guys wearing skirts in order to feel feminine, and in some cases, trying to pass as women! which negates the whole idea of the skirts-can-be-masculine, and lots of members flee to other places because they don't want to be part of an "I want to look like a woman" movement. Especially if they've already gone ahead and trusted the forum enough to give their name and photo!

[bcmtnbka]

You know what, there are plenty of women out there. If she objects to the skirt wearin, leave her.

[Bravehearts.us]

Yes, a strange transformation seems to happen to forums like this. The forum starts out with a simple premise: skirts can be masculine and can be worn by men. People gravitate to this common sense idea and everybody agrees: a man can still be distinct from a woman, wearing a skirt. Just like Naomi Campbell is not going to be mistaken for a man just because she wears jeans. She retains her femininity.

Then it ends up attracting guys wearing skirts in order to feel feminine, and in some cases, trying to pass as women! which negates the whole idea of the skirts-can-be-masculine, and lots of members flee to other places because they don't want to be part of an "I want to look like a woman" movement. Especially if they've already gone ahead and trusted the forum enough to give their name and photo!

If it’s trying to look, walk, talk, act and smell like a female, why is it calling it fashion freedom for men? Is it denial or cunning?

[AMM]

Yes, a strange transformation seems to happen to forums like this. ...

Then it ends up attracting guys wearing skirts in order to feel feminine, and in some cases, trying to pass as women! which negates
the whole idea of the skirts-can-be-masculine, ...

If it?s trying to look, walk, talk, act and smell like a female, why is it calling it fashion freedom for men? Is it denial or cunning?

Sometimes it's not so cut-and-dried.

Speaking for myself, to the extent I think about it, I consider myself male, and don't want to be mistaken for female. But I like wearing full, flouncy skirts, which some people would see as "feminine" (or is it that some part of me sees it as "feminine"?)

Like most people, I'm full of conflicts, and one of mine is whether I'm secretly trying to look female or would I like these things even if society didn't label them "female", and how do I feel about either one?

So far, I haven't seen a public forum for people who haven't decided which pigeonhole to put themselves into. crossdressers.com, et al., are for the "pass for female" set, the kilt sites are for the testosterone-poisoned, skirtcafe.com is for the "skirts are menswear" crowd. (Is it time to start "none-of-the-above.org"?)

While I don't want this to become "Crossdressers.com II", could we maybe give people the benefit of the doubt, if they're not sure which choice is right for them?

-- AMM

[supertaff]

I too was struck by your use of the word “play”, especially the second time you used it. I never thought of it as play in my life but then I don’t dress as a female..

I wear femal clothing but never try to look or act female.
With a moustache and usally 4 or 5 days beard growth I couldn't if I wanted

I prefer to wear a skirt with a male T-shirt, sometimes I go a little further.

Sometimes what I wear is for sexual reasons, usually not.
I prefer the feel of a dress or a skirt. I like to wear skirts more than jeans or trousers.... I RARELY wear trousers (as opposed to jeans) and you'll rarely see me in a suit.
When I'm not in jeans it's usually shorts. I'd rather not have my legs covered.
I'm more comfortable in shorts than I am in jeans, I'm more comfortable in a skirt than I am in shorts.

The words "play" and dressing" are what I use. If someone is at play, are they not doing something they enjoy?

Yes sometimes it's a CD thing, more often than not it's a comfort thing.
I like the look and feel of certain items. It's not crossdressing as such if I wear a skirt and tight and boots... It's a look I like, one I feel comfortable in and one I enjoy.

To me a crossdresser is someone who wants to(pretend to) be female (if only for the duration that they are dressed). I do not want that. I'll always be a man in a skirt.

Of course there are others who will say that any man in a skirt, regardless of what he wears above/under it, is a crossdressing tranny.... If that's what I am, then fair enough. I don't care what tag I'm given by others. I am what I am, I do what I do. I don't wear clothing designed for females around the house as it upsets my wife.

ST

[matman]

Ok, here's my take. If you want to see where the relationship can go, go easy and conform to her wishes for a bit. Tell her you are willing to be sensative to her needs as you journey down the road a bit longer together. With this or any other number of "issues", the two of you will eventually grow a) closer, or b) farther apart. I am not an absolutist, and relationships, especially worthwhile ones, are hard to come by. So, go with your heart. Go easy and yeild a bit for a while and see where it takes you, or go your own way now. You will find another mate, however, In this journey of life, our call to love is a call to self sacrifice. But do it for the right reason and person. How's that for a great answer! Perfectly clear!

[davereporter]

Not knowing you personally I can only give some general advice.

You need to find a quiet space to be really honest with yourself. In that space ask yourself why do you wear skirts? There may be several reasons but you need to be honest.

Some reasons might be... comfort, fighting the cause for equality, because women's clothes fit you better than men's clothes, because they make you feel sexy, because you like the attention, because you feel repressed as a man etc.

These reasons are personal and are valid so WRITE them down but remember to be honest.

Now review the reasons as see which of them has a purpose to you.

Are these reasons and the purpose worth fighting for? If so then you may find it helpful to approach your g/f at an appropriate time and calmly and honestly discuss them with her. If you are honest you may find her more accepting.

If however you find that you can't be honest or you are lying to yourself then it is game over. If you are ashamed of the reasons that you wear skirts or skirt wearing no longer has a REAL purpose for you then it may be time to rethink your behaviour.

This exercise is difficult but well worth it. It may be (hypothetically) hard telling your g/f that you get a kick out of wearing what you wear but if that is honestly how you feel and it has a valid purpose then she has to choose whether to accept that part of you or find a new partner.

I hope this helps you firstly get to know yourself better and secondly build an honest foundation on your relationship.

[Mary Jane Boy]

Start looking for a new girlfriend. There are plenty of women out there who will accept you as you are not as they "want you to be".

Mary Jane Boy