Why do you do it?

[Bravehearts.us]

I want to make it clear that this post is not a cut or judgment about how anyone chooses to dress. It’s just an observation and curiosity about the psychological aspects behind the reason why you dress the way you do. I’ve noticed that some men look like women from the waist down when they are dressed in their skirt, nylons and women’s shoes and as a matter of fact, if I couldn’t see the top half of them in the picture I would truly think I’m looking at a woman. I want to paint the psychological scenario of a fictitious person named John..
When John dresses, he puts on women’s high heeled shoes, nylons, (panty hose) and a short skirt. On top he wears a typical men’s shirt. He gets a sense of pleasure and fulfillment while looking at his legs. The same goes for when he takes off his shoes and looks at his feet in the nylons but he also feels a sense of loss that he doesn’t have a partner who looks like that.
Could it be that these men are trying to imitate what they don’t have but wish they did? Each of us, (male or female) has ideal preferences in what attracts us. We may love their partner very much. Our partner may have a beautiful face and a wonderful personality but there may be certain parts of their body that we wish were closer to what we prefer. Or we may not have a partner so we dress the part. After you’ve given this some thought I would be interested in hearing what you have to say from personal experience.
Thanks.

[Monty]

As a psychology student i've often pondered my own motivation towards "effeminate" apparel and thus probably have a better understanding than some over why I like mugs. (P.S please excuse any references to effeminacy , I don't particularly agree with anything being either masculine or feminine but it is usefull in refering to societies norms about gendered behaviour)

In short i've come to the conclusion that I am motivated towards these clothes because of the social power they are associated with. I grew up in an enivronment with strong female role models and the power holders in my life are invariably female, girlfriend, mother .etc. Media bomards us with images of female beauty and the social power they can command with these items is the exciting part.....It never cease to amaze me what girls can get away with in a skimpy top and a skirt.

Also to a degree effeminate sexuality is the only form legitimised by the society and media (for male sexuality is gay or perverted) so taking on societies norms if heaven forbid I feel like wearing something "sexy" (cause you know men arnt meant to do such things...) I find myself attracted to effeminate garments. In short I guess I kind of agree, love my girlfriend in a skirt, a dress or for that matter anything at all, but I just hope she enjoys looking at me in a kilt as much as I enjoy looking at her in a skirt.

Finally and the reason most often cited by everyone else because its the most socially acceptable is comfort, personal style and scotish heritage. In short, its complex, I like a good kilt and I dont really care that much what anyone else thinks.

[ChrisM]

Yes Lar, I think there is a lot of truth in what you say. For example, my wife doesn't much care for nylon and lace, and I really think that's one of the reason I wear it myself.

I don't fully understand this, I will admit. I don't "want to be a woman" or anything similar. So would I say "well, one of us ought to wear lace."? No, that's patently absurd.

But my point is to say that yes, I think you have articulated at least some part of the motivation.

As a guy, or at least "as an engineer", I want to have a logical reason for my choices. So I jump on the bandwagon of 'health' or 'comfort' or simply 'fashion freedom.' But what I hear in your insight is that maybe there is what I might call a 'gap in my aesthetic landscape' that I choose to fill on my own.

Quite interesting, thank you for raising the issue.

[Scott]

I like females, and everyone I've liked I see nothing wrong with (except one who cut her hair short, which seemed so horrible as her hair was beautiful).
I like the way they look in skirts, too, although the "headband about the hips" look doesn't appeal to me. Leave something to the imagination, love. Not really had many partners, and don't really have much of one now. Maybe that is part of why I wear skirts, but regardless . . .

As for me, I tried one on and felt at peace/happy/positive. It was psychologically and physically comfortable. Ever since then, not wearing a skirt seems wrong. It's a part of me. I don't belong in jeans. It's just psychologically and physically more comfortable than jeans/trousers. The fabric is more abundant and softer. Hence my also wearing a slip. I wear tights/pantyhose underneath because it's a finished look and it just feels different (read: better) and nothing short, ankle-length or longer. I tend to favor the fuller ones so as not to show my wares (small as they are) to the world (if I ever ventured out) although since I lost weight, yeah, I do know what you mean as far as looking female from the waist down. The "meat n two veg" aren't as, ahem, prominent in my straighter column skirts.

To feel the fabric brushing against my ankles/lower body and the slip against my skin and it all feeling hypersensitive with the legs encased in Lycra/nylon, it's a different, happier way to be. Do I sound like a sicko here? In denial? If so, so be it but I'm being honest. I like how I look. I like how I feel. I'm already weird, so we're just talking a matter of degree.

[binx]

The hose are nice for dressing up to go clubbing or cold weather, but are not very comfy, and not simple. The "meat n two veg" statement is certainly true for those type of skirts, however. I don't get wearing the hose/tights with ankle-length skirts, though. If you're gonna wear 'em, show 'em. The fem shoes are part of the hose and skirt "finished" look IMO.

binx

[Big and Bashful]

For me, it's comfort, pure and simple. Unfortunately my unbirfurcation is on hold because I refuse to spend money on skirts at the moment. I want to lose at least 2 stone before I start to invest in skirtery, or at least until my kilt fits again. I have been unsuccessfully trying to lose weight and for the next few months while I am stuck in a hotel dieting is not an option.
I still dream of being able to put on a kilt or skirt (preferably long and loose like those gypsy skirts) or even tight denim, but still long. But it will have to wait until my belly shrinks considerably. I have absolutely no desire to look female or wear female clothes. Just comfortable clothing.

[Scott]

The great thing about the long gypsy type (broomstick, crinkled, hippie, etc.) is they all have elasticized waists and a fair percentage have a drawstring to boot, so you can cinch them up as you please as they're all freesized. They go in as your waist goes in.

As for the tights with the long skirts, it's just a matter of how it feels, to repeat myself.

Weekend's almost over with. Better get to enjoying some of it.

[crfriend]

The great thing about the long gypsy type (broomstick, crinkled, hippie, etc.) is they all have elasticized waists and a fair percentage have a drawstring to boot, so you can cinch them up as you please as they're all freesized. They go in as your waist goes in.

I'll confidently second this; "gypsy"-type skirts are great things. They're very forgiving when it comes to sizing (which makes them wonderful as "starter" skirts); virtually all have elastic waistbands, thereby making fit a "no-brainer"; and many have drawstrings in case the elastic waist by itself doesn't inspire confidence in the garment's ability to "stay up". I think I have three at the moment, and I love them; they're all incredibly comfy and the wide hem allows plenty of room for my long stride.

As for the tights with the long skirts, it's just a matter of how it feels, to repeat myself.

True. Tights offer all sorts of benefits that are usually under-appreciated. They provide warmth (something quite useful in the New England wintertime!), they provide support that reglar socks don't, and they feel nice to wear (at least to my tastes). Those are enough reasons for me.

[recox286]

Hello, This will be my first post.

First, we must ask why women do it. They dress for the occasion, and in a (usually) climate, and societal correctness, related fashion. Or, at least that's what I gather. I think mostly what the average lady wants is (not necessarily in this order) attention, comfort, to blend in, and acceptance.
So, dresses, skirts, pants, shorts, skorts, and nature's birthday suits are all choices which fit different occasions. Being male makes life simple. We have the choice of pants, shorts, or birthday suit, weather be damned! comfort be damned! society be damned! ('scuse my french)

Personally, I like being comfortable, so I like the idea of having more choices.
I also think that the fabrics that are associated with women's wear are softer, and more sensual than those that are relagated to men's wear.
If this is true, and we, as men, decide that wearing skirts is ok, then why is it a crime to wear hosiery, and any of the other accutriments associated with the skirt. Women, when wearing a business suit can wear socks, and male styled footwear, ties, cufflinks, hats, etc.

Bottom line: I've taken to wearing skirts and slips (neighbors be damned) and find that the more I do so, the more I am quite at ease.

Sincerely, Bob

[bob striks]

This is a very interesting thread I must say. In the spirit of disclosure I am a clinician and a skirt wearer. With that said I have a few thoughts on this thread. In my experience there are many different causes for the attraction of skirt wearing by men. Sometimes they do include the reason stated by brave hart but more often then not they are for other reasons. Some of the reasons include feeling more in touch with those aspects of their selves they feel denied as a male in our society ( i.e. Sensitivity). Others may include simply physical comfort/pleasure. For others it gives a sense of stress relief. Really the reasons could go on and on for ever and there is no way to reduce it to a simple Freudian theory, but still a very interesting thread.

[crfriend]

Lar asked a really good question in this one, and one that's probably had more than a few of us scratching our heads over the matter. I know I was one of those ponderers. I especially liked Chris' notion of the "gap in the aesthetic landscape"; that, next to outright comfort, may be closest to my reasoning. Yep, it's the engineer in me.

To put a sharp point on the "clinical" side of things, one of the things I find utterly disgusting about the practise of psychology is the lopsided notion that it is only males that CAN "crossdress". (See "transvestic fetishism".) That notion is not simply discriminatory but an offence to common sense. Possibly another reason I rather like pushing the envelope on my lower half is a way to not-so-gently raise my middle finger at backward thinking; for backward thinking is precisely what's embodied in that notion.

That little bit of spleen aside, the prime mover in what I wear is comfort; I find skirts, in most cases, simply more comfortable than tr*users. Note that I steadfastly reserve the right to wear dual-legged garments, just as I reserve the right to wear "single-legged" ones; yes, I want the best of both worlds. A skirt isn't the most practical garment to wear when one is working on ladders and whatnot; but how much of our lives do we spend engaged in activities where skirts are "straight out"? Not much, I'd posit.

Cheers.

[Bravehearts.us]

Hello, This will be my first post.

First, we must ask why women do it. They dress for the occasion, and in a (usually) climate, and societal correctness, related fashion. Or, at least that's what I gather. I think mostly what the average lady wants is (not necessarily in this order) attention, comfort, to blend in, and acceptance.
So, dresses, skirts, pants, shorts, skorts, and nature's birthday suits are all choices which fit different occasions. Being male makes life simple. We have the choice of pants, shorts, or birthday suit, weather be damned! comfort be damned! society be damned! ('scuse my french)

Personally, I like being comfortable, so I like the idea of having more choices.
I also think that the fabrics that are associated with women's wear are softer, and more sensual than those that are relagated to men's wear.
If this is true, and we, as men, decide that wearing skirts is ok, then why is it a crime to wear hosiery, and any of the other accutriments associated with the skirt. Women, when wearing a business suit can wear socks, and male styled footwear, ties, cufflinks, hats, etc.

Bottom line: I've taken to wearing skirts and slips (neighbors be damned) and find that the more I do so, the more I am quite at ease.

Sincerely, Bob

First of all Bob I wanted to welcome you to the Café. Sit down, pull up a chair and have a cup on me.
As far as my question goes, I was referring more to the underlying psychological aspects. Our desires, like our needs have layers. Sometimes we don’t know what drives, motivates or inspires us below the first or second layer because we haven’t really thought about it. But if we look, and meditate on it we can sometimes come up with things that we never thought we related to our choices. So I was kind of wondering what each of us thinks is the motivation behind the fashion we choose.

[recox286]

Well, thank you Lar, I do feel quite at home. Enjoying a cup of tea and looking over some of the new posts here and elsewhere before beddy-bye.

I guess what I was trying to say, without a lot of bruhaha, is I don't get all the fuss about the "gender" (you might take that to mean "psycological") role of clothing. Do women dress like men to do the "power play" thing? Do men dress like women to be "sensitive"? I'll admit to near 60 years of crossdressing, and believe me, I could never pass for any thing other than a man in a dress, but when I wear a skirt in public, I am not trying to emulate a woman, I am just happy to be a man in a skirt. Talking about layers, I think you may have hit on the unanswerable, or, ask (x) different experts, get (x) different answers!

Sincerely, Bob

[Bravehearts.us]

Lar asked a really good question in this one, and one that's probably had more than a few of us scratching our heads over the matter. I know I was one of those ponderers. I especially liked Chris' notion of the "gap in the aesthetic landscape"; that, next to outright comfort, may be closest to my reasoning. Yep, it's the engineer in me.

To put a sharp point on the "clinical" side of things, one of the things I find utterly disgusting about the practise of psychology is the lopsided notion that it is only males that CAN "crossdress". (See "transvestic fetishism".) That notion is not simply discriminatory but an offence to common sense. Possibly another reason I rather like pushing the envelope on my lower half is a way to not-so-gently raise my middle finger at backward thinking; for backward thinking is precisely what's embodied in that notion.

That little bit of spleen aside, the prime mover in what I wear is comfort; I find skirts, in most cases, simply more comfortable than tr*users. Note that I steadfastly reserve the right to wear dual-legged garments, just as I reserve the right to wear "single-legged" ones; yes, I want the best of both worlds. A skirt isn't the most practical garment to wear when one is working on ladders and whatnot; but how much of our lives do we spend engaged in activities where skirts are "straight out"? Not much, I'd posit.

Cheers.

I know what you are saying about males being the only ones who can cross dress. In that sense most of the time we look at it in a negative light. But in another sense you could say, “Wow, we can cross dress and they can’t.” I guess that gives us one more option than women. Paradigm shift? We had better not say that too loud or the women will be screaming, “That’s not fair. We want equal rights to cross dress if we want!” LOL

[Departed Member]

I really cannot identify with any aspects of 'sensitivity', 'calming' or 'fulfillment' other than the physical relief from chafing/pain that swopping from tr*user to skirt provides. I've no desire to don 'effeminate' clothing, 'get in touch' with my feminine side (whatever that is), wear high heels, make a 'fashion statement' or p*ss off society! My worsening 'downstairs' health problem even led my GP, last week, to suggest wearing a sarong! (Cannot get one on prescription, alas!). So for me, for the time being, a skirt affords welcome relief from physical pain. As for the "Well, why not just wear your Kilt?" argument, a 'male-oriented' denim skirt has pockets, no fussy pleats to arrange, no sporran 'knock' and draws far less attention - just 'easier' to wear!