Love at First Sight

[Stu]

Quick question - do you believe in love at first sight? And that people from vastly different cultures can suddenly meet and somehow fall in love?

I ask because I correspond with an old schoolfriend who moved to Canada in the 1970s. His son who is in his mid-20s works for a veterinary drugs company and they sent him, along with some colleagues, to Ethiopia about a decade ago. While there, they all had an excursion into some remote backwater where they met some very primitive villagers - people who had never heard of Canada or the UK etc and had not changed their way of life for millennia. The story goes that, within minutes of arriving in the village, he saw and immediately fell in love with a young female villager in her teens. She supposedly spotted him and, though they could barely communicate. He kept on making excuses to go back to the village and meeting her and managed to extend his stay in the country as he was besotted with her - and she with him. Over the course of several months, they became able to communicate using English and her own language, which I have never heard of. Eventually, he obtained a passport for her and took her back to meet the folks. This was some years ago and he has been accepted into her tribe and they spend part of their time in North Africa and part in the West. Apparently, while in the West, BTW, she tries to wear all her tradition tribal garments as far as possible.

I have seen pictures of her, but I can't post them on here, so I found something quite similar so you get the general idea - see below. My wife thinks it's lovely and romantic etc., but I find it really hard to imagine falling for someone instantly that I know nothing about, from such an alien culture, and to whom I can't have a conversation. I also don't know how I would react had my son decided to bring home such a girlfriend. Or the neighbours. Any thoughts? Here is the pic:

[Kirbstone]

A strange tale indeed, but it must have happened.

At a 21st party in Hampton village, Surrey England I also fell in love at first sight. Although the girl in question was from an alien culture (English) we could communicate and trips to & fro to either lot of folk were not too arduous, about 400-odd miles with a wet bit in between (The Irish Sea). We were married within a year and she is now the grandmother of my grandchildren some 51 years later.

Tom

[Stu]

Thanks, Tom.

I can't say I fell in love with my other hand at first sight, but we were both in our teens when we hooked up and married young. Some said we were too young and it would never last, but we have been married for approaching 42-years and have three children and three grandchildren to show for it so it obviously worked out OK. Not a remarkable story, I know, but when we think of all the friends and family we know who are divorced... I have suggested to Gus that the story of his son and his exotic partner would make for a riveting documentary, but he hasn't responded to that suggestion. Hey! Maybe there is even a movie in it.

[beachlion]

I believe in love at first sight. When I meet someone for the first time, I can feel sometimes an instant sympathy. With a woman it might sometimes very strong and it will be amplified when I feel it is two-ways. I'm very introvert but when I feel that sudden attraction I open up and know the right things to say and the conversation could go on and on.

In the end there is always something trivial that blocks any progress like the woman being married. I even had such an encounter with a cousin. I never had seen her because my fathers sister married a guy who became a Nazi-sympathizer during the war and was cold-shouldered by the family. We had a lively conversation while dancing but it turned out we were family after talking about our roots.

A 15-year relationship and my current marriage are also the results of love at first sight.

[crfriend]

Quick question - do you believe in love at first sight? And that people from vastly different cultures can suddenly meet and somehow fall in love?

Yes, I believe in "love at first sight" having been there myself -- and it's an amazing feeling.

However, unlike everybody else who's chimed in, my encounter with it did not end well at all. It turns out that the two of us were a spectacularly bad mismatch and the relationship dissolved after about five months. The result put me into a tail-spin and a two-year bender.

To those who have had it work spectacularly, you have my admiration and not just a bit of envy.

[moonshadow]

Philosophically speaking, I'm afraid we must define "love".

Do I believe in "love in first sight". I'm not so sure. True unconditional love I think is difficult to obtain at any level. In fact, I'm not sure such love is possible in the human species.

If you are one who believe love is on a sort of "spectrum" (which would be close to what humans likely perceive, different levels of love), then I'd say certainly some form of "love" would likely be possible "at first sight".

However if you believe that love is more of a "you do or you do not" situation, believing only in unconditional love, then you might argue that not only is "love at first sight" unlikely, but it probably impossible at any stage, considering the selfish nature of the human species.

My thoughts? If they are happy with one another then roll with it.

[crfriend]

Philosophically speaking, I'm afraid we must define "love".

Yes, there is that, and to really properly engage on that count I'll need to spend some time with my new neighbours who are a husband/wife pair of philosophy professors. I really want to spend some time with those two.

Do I believe in "love in first sight". I'm not so sure. True unconditional love I think is difficult to obtain at any level. In fact, I'm not sure such love is possible in the human species.

Indeed, the vast depth of "unconditional love" (and I am not convinced that exists anywhere in the universe) is likely unattainable. However, I suspect for the sake of argument here we're speaking of the sort that can passionately bind two lives together for a measurable amount of time. "Measurable", of course, is open to interpretation. Offhand, I'd say that Femtoseconds don't count, but particle physicists will disagree with me. Let's put the lower bound, say, at "months".

If you are one who believe love is on a sort of "spectrum" (which would be close to what humans likely perceive, different levels of love), then I'd say certainly some form of "love" would likely be possible "at first sight".

From experience, it's definitely on a spectrum. For instance, I "love" my housemates insofar as I sincerely hope that they are always well and am more than happy to help out with things if I am capable of doing so -- and sometimes that astonishes them. However, I am not passionately (in the basest sense) drawn to any of them. So there's one.

However if you believe that love is more of a "you do or you do not" situation, believing only in unconditional love, then you might argue that not only is "love at first sight" unlikely, but it probably impossible at any stage, considering the selfish nature of the human species.

This rings true, and I suspect may be the case most of the time. The description above, though, smacks more of ownership than "love". Yes, we all hope that our partners are faithful and whatnot, but as I look back on things I rather suspect that such relationships are the exception rather than the rule. Call me cynical, but that's just the way I perceive things based on my life experience.

I suppose the best I could have ever hoped for is that my partners would at least have been faithful to me whilst they were with me, and I have ample evidence that most, if not all, weren't.

My thoughts? If they are happy with one another then roll with it.

That's likely as good as it gets.

[dillon]

I believe in it, especially between different cultures. A few years ago, I volunteered to teach maize production and soil fertility at a remote ATVET college in Alagae, Ethiopia. I still have a photo of a young woman vending small bags of roasted grains taken in Ziway, Ethiopia that evokes the same feelings, and another of a young teacher in Alagae, whom I knew only as Najahah; she was so beautiful, even in her hijab. Perhaps it is only the natural attraction of an old man to a young woman, but I have seen far more young women of my own culture just as deserving of my silent enfatuation, but who do not receive such. I cannot explain it, but the images of those young Ethiopian women remain imbedded in my consciousness. I think my oldest brother holds the same mentality; he served in the USAF in Vietnam, in the early 1960s, and later married a Vietnamese woman he met here in the US.

[Fred in Skirts]

I am not sure I still believe in love at first sight. But one thing has me questioning that.
The girl in the picture has taken me, and I feel like I am in love with her, she is absolutely beautiful.
The first thing that came to my mind when I saw the picture was where does she live and how can I get there.

[Jim]

What I understand as "love" is deeper than what one has at first sight. Attraction, infatuation, or sexual desire may be at first sight. Sometimes these may develop into love.

[Stu]

Some of the responses on here saying that love at first sight encounters don't always result in long and stable marriages reminded me of Puccini's famous opera, Madame Butterfly. I consider myself a tough guy and a rationalist, but even I am moved when I hear the beautiful duet and I defy anybody not to shed a tear when they hear it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcQNjV-YSiM

I guess I'm going soft in my old age.

[Sinned]

Love at first sight happened to MOH. She saw me one Saturday night at a Church dance and she said that she knew that I was "the one". She was living some distance away at the time. It turned out that her father was the groundsman at Feethams, Darlington Football Club's ground at the time and I used to go and see them play there. It also appears that half of her friends were my friends as well. During her teens she went to a Secretarial College up the road from the Grammar School that I attended. It's likely that during good weather she walked past our school when we boys would be sitting on the school wall leering at the girls walking past mini skirted [0]. It could be that she was one of the girls. But we were kept apart until the time was right for us to be together. I fell in with the relationship quickly and readily so I can't say that I experienced "love at fist sight" but I'm happy enough with the relationship even though there are things like her limited acceptance of my skirts that iterate me. We have been together for 43 years now and there's no indication of us parting ways. I still love her to bits and she me. Or so she says and I have no reason to disbelieve her.

[0] It was the mid-sixties!

[Happy-N-Skirts]

As a teenager I listened to certain songs on the radio. One was "Image of a Girl" and another was "Surfer Girl" by the Beach Boys. I imagined what my idea of the perfect girl would look like and she would be my idea of the perfect girl friend. I had a few girl friends during high school and dated several, but none fit my ideal girl. My group of guys were in to nice cars and I discovered that girls liked to ride in boys cars. One of the guys met and dated a girl from a different school and soon we all met and dated some of her friends. I was at one of our group functions when there she was, my perfect girl. She noticed me first and we exchanged looks and smiles and I met her and talked about things. I was afraid to say something stupid. She was a perfect petite blue eyed blonde. We both graduated high school and went to different colleges which were close by. We both knew we were made for each other. In fact she was "designed" for me. Her mother didn't think so and had a weird idea of anything male and that I was treacherous and was "man handling" her beautiful daughter, however our relationship continued throughout college. In my final two years I had transferred to another university several hundred miles away. We continued our long distance relationship and right before my senior year I proposed marriage to my dream girl. We were married right before graduation and I had a good job and a nice car. She graduated with straight As and became a high school teacher who looked younger than some of her students.

She went from being my ideal "dream girl" to being my "trophy wife." We have been married for 52 years and have two great kids and four beautiful grandchildren. The three grand daughters have inherited my wife's personality and beautiful perfect looks. My wife looks 20 years younger than she is and weighs the same as she did in high school. Yes, it was love at first sight from both of us.