When camping be sure to wear a long sleaved shirt then you have something to wipe ,your nose on!!!
What is a honeymoon? the short period between "I do" and "you'd better"
********
I've never liked dogs since I went to fancy dress party as a lamp post!
*****************
Jokes only geniuses get
Two chemists walk into a bar, the first one says I'll have an h2o. The second chemist says ummm , I'll have an h2o too. .....The second chemist died!
A roman walks into a bar says I'll have a martinus. The bartender says, you mean a martini?? The roman says, if I wanted a double I would have asked for one !
A bartender says we don't serve faster than light particles here....a tachyon walks into a bar...,,
A photon checks in to a hotel. Any bags? asks the receptionist. No, says the photon, I'm just traveling light.....
**********
A tortoise is walking down the street and gets mugged by two snails. The police arrive and ask what happened. The tortoise says, I don't know, it all happened so fast.....
***************
I was in a Restaurant last night ordering my meal and the waitress said, "Your steak comes with two sides"
I said, "I'll have a Front and a Back" She just got that deer in the Headlights look on her face.
Then I said, "would you put a rush on that, I'm Double Parked",
**********
A very old couple are getting ready for bed and all of a sudden the 80 yr old wife walks into the bedroom naked and says " darling when you first saw me naked what did you think of my breasts"
to which he replied" i looked at them and said to myself i could suck them flat"
The wife said " and what do you think of my breasts now"
he replied "I DID A PRETTY GOOD JOB ON THEM"
*********

