Why I've been Mia

[Elisabetta]

Hello everyone! As most of you know I've not been posting much. I'll fill you in below on why.


On Christmas Day at 10 am my mother had a heart attack from battling pneumonia in both lungs. This caused my mother to fall back into a diabetic coma. Due to the fact my mother couldn't breathe before falling into a coma she lacked oxygen to her brain for over 20 minutes before the EMT's got to her. She was brain dead. They were able to regain a pulse and place her on life support. The family all 7 kids drove to Pa to say our goodbyes. When Moon and I arrived I couldn't believe the woman I was looking at was my mother. She was very over weight and her body looked swelled up. December 28th we all had to make the decision to pull the life support on my mother. She died at 3:05pm. It's been a very tough road for me. It's still fresh as it was 15 days ago.

My mother and I didn't have a good relationship. In 2002 my ex-fiance paid her to kidnap and flee the state with my kid while babysitting her. She left my dad and ran off with a man young enough to be her son. After three years I found my mother got my daughter back and parted ways with my mom. Granted it wasn't the relationship I intended to have with my mother I still loved her despite her stupid ways. When Moon and I left the hospital we went to my mother's residence. What we seen was like watching Hoarders. My mother would put all those to shame on the reality show. My mother not just died of all of what she dealt with in her health but also of a very broken heart. My mother let her health go fell into major depression and became a massive hoarder. The house was falling apart. The back door of the double-wide just touching the knob of the door it fell into pieces. When Moon and I went there while waiting for my other siblings Moon and I walked around to see if the doors was unlocked and to see if my siblings were there. The door fell apart. The police got called on us by a near by neighbor thinking we broke into the house. After two hours he let us go after seeing the entire filth they all lived in.My four siblings who lived with my mother two went to go to NC to live with my sister while the other two went off to Ohio with my oldest brother. My mother left behind 7 kids and no Life Insurance to cremate her. She was claimed by the coroners office as none of could afford to give her the last wish she requested. Each day I ponder with so many unanswered questions. Because of all I have had to endure the last 15 days and up until the 28th I had to completely part ways with the remaining of my family. It was so hard to do as if you met me I have a very genuine soul. I don't aim in hurting anyone intentionally however am always being hurt by everyone. After my father blew my cellphone up wanting Moon and I to drive back to PA to get his 700.00 that was awarded to my mother because he was in the air force. Once I refused to drive back my family turned on me. This is resulting in a new legal name change next month. I've already changed my home and cellphone number. I had to do this for my own sanity.

Now Moon's stepdad whose dying of stage four liver cancer is in the hospital and they've called in hospice. It's been a very emotional time for me. I don't handle death very well. So this is why I've not been around. I have read postings but haven't commented. Hope you all understand.

[Uncle Al]

Best Wishes to You and Moon.

I'm helping a good friend cope with the loss of his wife of 43 years.

My prayers go out to you & Moon!

Uncle Al

[moonshadow]

A little update from Mom,

Her husband, my step father is currently in the hospital. Apparently his potassium level was dangerously high, they were worried his heart might stop. They administered many hard core doses of medicine to help bring it under control, but apparently it got worse. They are going to meet with the hospice people tomorrow, and my understanding is, that should something happen, they are under orders not to resuscitate. So to put it the way Mom said.... he could be here for a while yet, or he may go at any minute... there's just no what of knowing.

I think his liver is pretty much done for now. And as Mom said, even if he does pull through this one.. it's safe to say that his overall condition will become progressively worse in the coming days/weeks. At this juncture, I doubt we can count months.... although not impossible. I think he's made peace with his situation, and is ready to go. I'm worried about Mom. She's cracked a few times, but all in all, she's being too strong. I fear she's going to crash. I know she just wants it to be over.

If at all possible I'm planning to get up that way tomorrow after work. It's about and hour and a half drive from here. These are tough situations to handle. There's really nothing I can say to Mom, or my step father. He was quite a formidable man just a few years ago.... boy cancer's a b___ch.

[skirtingtoday]

My heart goes out to both you and Jenn - what a terrible time you are both having. I guessed something was amiss as I always enjoyed your posts.

My own father died of cancer (heavy smoker) when he was just 50 years old - I was just 25 at the time. I agree that cancer is a b__ch!! If he had lived nowadays, I think he would have had a much better chance of living a lot longer with the treatments now available.

I got married some 5months later and I always wished he had been there but sadly it wasn't to be.

Ross

PS - I hope 2016 is a better year for you both!

[crfriend]

Hi Jenn and Moon,

I must say that was a tough read at 04:30 in the morning, and, like the others, my heart goes out to both of you. What's sadder is that it's likely to get worse before it gets better, but it will get better, and don't forget that.

Cry when you need to -- and you will need to; stay close together emotionally and spiritually; and never second-guess your decisions during this trying time. When it's done, it'll be done, and that's the time to grieve -- and once the grieving process passes, life will resume. Yes, there'll be a "hole" left in your fabric, but that's the way that nature works. I wish I had time to properly grieve when my father died; I never did, and now the time is passed and things remain a mess. Take the time that you need.

Best of luck.

[Elisabetta]

Thank you we're hanging in there.

[rick401r]

I'm so sorry you and anyone else has to go through such heartache.

[Elisabetta]

I'm so sorry you and anyone else has to go through such heartache.

Thank you!

[rick401r]

I don't want to take away from your grieving but I would just like to say I understand. My wife of 40 years is slowly dying of brain cancer. This is the first time I've put that in print to anyone other than family. I keep thinking she'll come back from this but I know this is not to be.
We all lose loved ones at some time or other. we are dealing with our situation in an oddly matter of fact manner. I'm sure the pain will come but right now we're hanging in there.

[Elisabetta]

I don't want to take away from your grieving but I would just like to say I understand. My wife of 40 years is slowly dying of brain cancer. This is the first time I've put that in print to anyone other than family. I keep thinking she'll come back from this but I know this is not to be.
We all lose loved ones at some time or other. we are dealing with our situation in an oddly matter of fact manner. I'm sure the pain will come but right now we're hanging in there.

Prayers for you I know that has to be hard.

[dillon]

I don't have much wisdom to offer in this regard, except my suggestion to observe and hug your children. To lose a parent is sad but natural. It is the way of life. One generation succeeds the next into the hopes and aspirations of a new morning. But for us, and i have lost both my parents in the recent past, it is an awakening that we are on our own, and we learn what our parents also learned: that love is an inherited gift, and all that we have received is now ours to pass along to our children.

I have not lost a spouse, and can only imagine that, despite the feeling of being alone, one could not but help feeling so much gratitude for the love and faith that was shared with your partner.

Most unimaginable to me is the death of a child. It is a cruel horror for that to happen to anyone. Yet it happens, and some how hearts, though broken, beat on.

I wish everyone who is suffering the strength to continue and the blessing of peace.

[denimini]

I don't have much wisdom to offer in this regard, except my suggestion to observe and hug your children. To lose a parent is sad but natural. It is the way of life. One generation succeeds the next into the hopes and aspirations of a new morning. But for us, and i have lost both my parents in the recent past, it is an awakening that we are on our own, and we learn what our parents also learned: that love is an inherited gift, and all that we have received is now ours to pass along to our children.

I have not lost a spouse, and can only imagine that, despite the feeling of being alone, one could not but help feeling so much gratitude for the love and faith that was shared with your partner.

Most unimaginable to me is the death of a child. It is a cruel horror for that to happen to anyone. Yet it happens, and some how hearts, though broken, beat on.

I wish everyone who is suffering the strength to continue and the blessing of peace.

Thanks Dillon, I think you have offered much wisdom and encouragement in your words here.
I have lost parents too early and also my partner, Heather, just over 2 years ago from cancer.
We assume that we will eventually lose our parents but it still doesn't make it easier when the time comes as we have not known life without them until that time.
Thanks to rick401r for sharing his situation, we never know how we are going to cope with these things until they are thrust upon us and then we manage one way or another because we have to. Where there is life there is hope and no matter how small the chances are we cling on and it does help us in our journey.
I certainly agree with Dillon that a parent losing a child would be so horrific as that is not the expected order of things. I am relieved that Heather never suffered that and now is no longer vunerable.

[Sinned]

I can empathise with the both of you and can only reiterate that time alone will heal although passing through the experiences is painful. Dillon, MOH and I have been in the position of losing an adult child to leukaemia. He was otherwise fit and healthy and to see his deterioration over about nine months as the steroids ravaged his body was heart breaking. He was in the RAF and at his funeral The Last Post was played by a lone bugler and consequently I cannot hear that without the tears coming to my eyes. Burying a parent is expected but a child is not. In fact in less than one year I lost my son, father and grandmother and looking back it just does not seem real and I don't know how I came through but I did and so will you.

Bless you both and all you who have been through such trials that life throws at us.

[Elisabetta]

Update: Moon's stepdad passed away today at 2:11Pm

[crfriend]

Update: Moon's stepdad passed away today at 2:11Pm

Please pass along my sympathies.