"You look lovely!"

[crfriend]

That's not an adjective usually applied to 6'4" blokes, but which nonetheless got quietly spoken into my right ear this afternoon by a 50-something woman as I was checking out a case of beer in line at the local liquor store. I turned to look at her, nodded my head in greeting, and simply said, "Thank you!" I must say that this is the sort of comment that really puts a spring in my step.

I've had a number of comments about "cute", and a couple about "beautiful", but never before "lovely". It warmed my heart.

Why is it that men are only supposed to be "handsome"? Why not any of the other terms? Women can be "handsome", but that's not usually a terribly positive -- or at least effusive -- term when so applied. But for a guy to be called "cute", "beautiful", or "lovely" seems to cause much cognitive dissonance. What gives?

Rig: double-ruffle poet's shirt, crème fleece MouseWorks skirt, and plain black waistcoat.

[dillon]

Here in Buenos Aires, the word "guapo" essentially means handsome, for a man, and the term "guapa" for a women is used more rarely. Instead "bonita" is often used as pretty or cute for a woman, but the masculine form of that word is essentially non-existent. "Lindo/linda" is a more general term that can mean anything from handsome/pretty to attractive. From the Italian heritage of the city the word "bellisima" is also used in an exclamatory way.

Perhaps it is a gender bias but I might have trouble telling a man he was beautiful or pretty; that would take some getting used to. I could simply settle for the Billy Crystal spoof of Fernando Lamas and just tell everyone "You look mahvelous!"

[crfriend]

From the Italian heritage of the city the word "bellisima" is also used in an exclamatory way.

Also, bellissimo! which is the masculine form of the term which simply means, "most beautiful". Apparently the Italians have less of a hangup about the notion than Yanks. (I've been known to use the masculine form on occasion, usually after witnessing something entirely idiotic on the roads here in the northeast USA.)

Perhaps it is a gender bias but I might have trouble telling a man he was beautiful or pretty; that would take some getting used to. I could simply settle for the Billy Crystal spoof of Fernando Lamas and just tell everyone "You look mahvelous!"

I had no problems with the comment whatsoever. I am secure enough in who I am to be able to shrug off any intended slight -- and in this case there wasn't even the slightest whiff of derogatory feel to it. That woman meant it, and I'm glad she spoke up. As I mentioned, it put a real spring in my step.

[skirtyscot]

"bonita" is often used as pretty or cute for a woman, but the masculine form of that word is essentially non-existent.

Doesn't bonito mean tuna?

As to a man being lovely, I'd happily take that from a woman, but coming from a man if would create an awkward moment!

[STEVIE]

I've never had to field that one from a male or female either.
I'd certainly be more comfortable with it from the opposite sex but I'd also like to think that I could be open enough to still enjoy the monent.
To be truthful ,I doubt I'll ever hear it in this neck of the woods.
I still feel that the best compliment I've ever had was to be told how "natural" I looked in a skirt.
Steve.

[ChrisM]

Just yesterday I was writing on my Facebook that I would love to look lovely. What I actually wrote was "Is it wrong to want to be pretty?"

My wife's response was to cite some definitions. The definition of pretty included "delicately made, and whole features are so formed as to please; an object of love.”

Yes, that is exactly what I would like to be free to look like.

[crfriend]

"Is it wrong to want to be pretty?"

I wouldn't say that it's "wrong" at all. I mean, who wouldn't want to look attractive?

In my case, I look in the bathroom mirror in the morning [0] and while I'm perfectly content with the way I look, there's no way I could call it "pretty". This dovetails into the "lovely" comment fairly well, although both "pretty" and "lovely" could merely mean that the observer found the overall effect pleasing to their eye. In any event, I'll take it.

My wife's response was to cite some definitions. The definition of pretty included "delicately made, and whole features are so formed as to please; an object of love.”

That's the classical definition, but does not take into account the sometimes imprecise way that lots of us use the language. I do it, too, though usually by design rather than accident and mainly when I want to get a point across or make someone else pause for a bit and wonder, "What did he just say?".

Yes, that is exactly what I would like to be free to look like.

That's something to strive for, I suppose, at least in the way in which one "packages himself", but recall that packaging is entirely surface; the real meat is who we are, and how we act towards others -- and that's down to character. As has been said, "Beauty is but skin deep. Ugly goes straight to the bone."

One of the things I like about my skirts is that they've gotten rid of more than a few character warts by virtue of making me sit up and be more attentive to the world around me. This doesn't just mean having a greater sense of awareness in the fight-or-flight realm, but also in how I interact with others. I smile more, I listen better, and I think I'm more respectful than before -- for I know that as an "oddball" I would hope they'd be the same way with me.

So, no, I don't think I'm "pretty" -- or "lovely" -- but I'll not look the compliment in the mouth. I'm simply me.

[0] That's before it fogs up; afterwards I look even better!

[pelmut]

"Is it wrong to want to be pretty?"

I wouldn't say that it's "wrong" at all. I mean, who wouldn't want to look attractive?

It depends on what you might attract...

[crfriend]

It depends on what you might attract...

Well, that's certainly a valid point; however, in my case I seem to attract middle-age women who give nice compliments. This isn't an inappropriate demographic for me, mind, save that I'm a married man and not "on the market" (which likely shows and forms part of the aura).

[skirtyscot]

I bet it was the poet's shirt that swung it for you, Carl. Maybe I should try one and see if can anything other than the usual funny looks.

[STEVIE]

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", I've no idea who to attribute that to, but it seems appropriate.
Lovely, handsome, pretty, natural and all the rest are totally subjective.
I'd posit that they are also quite positive.
Does the "source" really matter?
Steve.

[Kingussie]

Some years ago, I was coerced to give a (very) short talk about the poetry of Robert Burns for the local Shrine Club's Valentine ladies night dinner. I turned up in full highland dress and when I made my way up to the front for my (lame) talk, I heard one woman gasp "He's beautiful!" I took it as a high compliment and now I can honestly say "Once upon a time, I was beautiful."

[Kirbstone]

Frankly, the Scots have it in Spades. The only real clothes that are specifically designed to flatter the male figure is the kilt outfit & full regalia. No other outfit World-wide comes near, in my opinion.

Tom

[skirtingtoday]

Kingussie

Welcome to the site! - how about a post in the Introduction page as well with some info about yourself and how far along the road to wearing a skirt you are?

Great story about the positive comment on the kilt outfit!

Ross

[skirtingtheissue]

Some years ago, I was coerced to give a (very) short talk about the poetry of Robert Burns for the local Shrine Club's Valentine ladies night dinner. I turned up in full highland dress and when I made my way up to the front for my (lame) talk, I heard one woman gasp "He's beautiful!" I took it as a high compliment and now I can honestly say "Once upon a time, I was beautiful."

Kingussie… guess what, I actually spent a night in Kingussie circa 1982, in a little cabin in the woods!

Haven't had the "lovely" or "beautiful" compliments yet. I've been called "smart" a few times as in "Now that's a smart look!", and have heard "I like your skirt!" a few times, and it certainly does put a spring in one's step.