Love my wife

[inohio10]

My wife went out doing some errands and her time and comes back with two skirts that she bought for me. I can honestly say it is great having support of one you love.

[Sarongman]

Good girl! Usually they have an innate sense of taste, so what she chose should look good on you. Mine hasn't actually bought one for me yet, but has pulled a few from racks with the comment that "It would look good on you."

[Sinned]

MOH is an enigma in respect to my skirts. She will happily buy them from charity shops for me and talk about me wearing them. There's a bit of ambiguity about my wearing them indoors. Generally I think that she ignores them although I do get the occasional snide remark. She doesn't want me to wear them outside the house but I am starting to, carefully and sensitively. She doesn't ask if I've ever worn a skirt outside the house and TBH I don't know what I would say if she asked. I don't think that I could lie to her but how could I explain how I feel? I think that I've already done that. In so many ways she is so loving and supportive and I love her with all my heart. Why can't she just accept this oddity for what it is and not as an attempt to look like a woman.

There's an elephant in the room at the moment over the holiday. We are off to Egypt for 2 weeks shortly and she mentioned something about skirts a few days ago but being a bit deaf I didn't quite catch what she said. I want to wear skirts whilst on holiday but I don't want to be the one to bring it up. I'd rather she mentioned it so that we could discuss it. We've already started to get clothes and stuff out for packing so it'll come up soon. She has given me two sarongs to wear, one black and one blue so there must be some progress which is puzzling me. Oh, 'twere that life would be so simple.

Oh, oh. I spoke too soon. Just had a bit of a tirade about skirts and holiday and it appears to be a bit of a no-no. She said that if I wanted to wear skirts to an from meals that I could eat on my own and be on my own around the pool. That I didn't care what the others in the party ( my daughter, her partner and my grandchildren ) thought. I said that if they were all against me wearing a skirt then I wouldn't pack any. Maybe I should ask the others what they really think. What a depressing start for the day.

[inohio10]

I have found to be upfront and honest is the best in my situation. We have some friends who are not stuck in the traditional normal fashion rut i.e some wear skirts. Obviously can't all the time work etc. She bought me my utilikilt and had no issue with me wearing it, so when I made the comment that pants are comfortable and that skirts would be more comfortable she rolled with it.

It is best imo to talk about it (anything really skirts whatever) and disagree so at least on the same page then hide or lie about things. Less grief in the long run.

[couyalair]

Do you not think that a woman prefers her man to say what he thinks and show he has confidence in himself, to defend his point of view and make the most of the one life he has to enjoy?
I know that none of us want to deliberately upset our families, but with frank openness, everyone knows where they stand.
Even if a wife won't give in completely (why should she?), give yourselves the opportunity to make a bargain, make it plain why skirts are preferable and where they are suitable and where they are not. Make some rules that both parties can accept. I'd say that a holiday, where no-one knows you, far from home, that is the best moment to dress they way you fancy.

Easy for me to say all this, of course; I never had any opposition.

Martin

[Sinned]

I have decided that I am going to ask my daughter and her partner whether or not they mind me being with them in a skirt. My wife has insinuated that they would. Time to tame the beast. If they say they would mind then I have to respect their opinion but they might say that they don't in which case I may have two others on my side. MOH has said that I should be reduced to eating on my own as they would not want to associate with me. I can't see them being that heartless, somehow. I know that my grandchildren don't care or at least that they are used to seeing me in a skirt and they have not objected. Time to face up to things. I do try to be honest and have always worn my heart on my sleeve, so to speak. One thing she did say yesterday - indoors it didn't matter and when she wasn't with me it didn't matter.

[couyalair]

I have decided that I am going to ask my daughter and her partner whether or not they mind me being with them in a skirt.

Best way! I hope you get their support -- or even their indifference. Perhaps they won't care one way or the other; skirted or bifurcated, your just part of the family.

Martin

[Sinned]

I may have a better clue to the thinking of MOH. I had mentioned to my daughter that I was thinking about getting another couple of gallibayas ( the long shirt ) and the outer caftans whilst I was in Egypt as I did like the one I bought when there last time ( it was cheap ) even though I have only worn it a couple of times. Of course my daughter mentioned it to MOH and MOH said today that my daughter had told her that I was thinking of getting etc. I said that I was and her retort was "Well, move out to Egypt then." Why on earth would I want to move to Egypt?

So I don't think that it's the skirt per se that she is objecting to - ITS ANYTHING THAT IS DIFFERENT TO THE BLAND AND UNIFORM SHIRT AND TROUSERS that men wear, outside at least. She doesn't like me to be different of stand out in the crowd. Yet that's exactly what appeals to me. I am not like the several million sheep that can't think for themselves. I LIKE to be different. At least that's how I read it because the gallibaya is normal men's dress in Egypt but not here. In view of all the other posts I have made on this issue is that how you would interpret this?

[crfriend]

I believe that it's worth reiterating at this point that we cannot overcome an irrational thought or fear with logic or intellect -- it just doesn't work.

We can work out what the potential consequences of us being -- or at least appearing -- different from others may be, and we can work on tactics to manage any risk involved. In doing this we are being entirely rational, even though we may emotionally enjoy the sensations of an open garment.

The flip side of this is a very human fear of change, and sometimes that fear can paralyze us in any attempt to deploy our rational selves to a problem. Logic and rational thought have quite a lower chance of changing an irrationally (and I use that term in its purest sense, not in a derogatory manner) held notion than the latter has of changing the former. Rational thought must always be willing to accept failure and adopt revisions; this is not the case with emotions, and it's clear that in this case fear is involved -- specifically fear that "the OH" will suffer the consequences (whatever those may be) of her husband's appearing different from he herd around him. This is entirely understandable.

In short, using intellect to combat emotion is doomed to fail. "Been there, done that", and failed at it -- repeatedly, which is why I have the stance I do.

The only way to deal with a fear is to accept that it's irrational and stare it down forcefully. A much brighter guy than I'll ever be summed it up thusly: "Courage is not absence of fear, courage is mastery of fear." Sometimes that means getting very deliberately outside one's own comfort zone to experience, first-hand, what happens.

[Caultron]

...In view of all the other posts I have made on this issue is that how you would interpret this?

All I can say is that both you and your wife seem conflicted, and barring some sudden breakthrough, any resolution seems slow in coming.

I suppose she thinks your wearing a skirt would somehow reflect badly on her. like her not providing all the femininity you require, or her being viewed as a dyke who prefers or demands femininity in her husband, or her being married to and/or seen in public with a weirdo / nut case, or a thousand other possibilities.

And she does seem to vacillate, as if conflicted between rejection and tolerance, or between emotion and reason. But that's only my completely uninformed and disconnected silly wild guess.

I think you may be conflicted as well, wanting certain things but unwilling to take action. Sometimes, after all, it's easier to get forgiveness than permission. But you obviously know much more about your own situation than I.

Oh, and please straighten the couch before the next patient comes in.

[Sinned]

It's not that I'm afraid of taking action is that sometimes she mentions the D.I.V.O.R.C.E. word and that's something I don't want and I don't think that she does either. Is she just saying it for effect? I've known her since 1975 and even I don't know. But dare I chance it. I think that some of it is that we've been in this house since December 1982 and folks around have seen our kids grow up and she is well known around here even if I aren't because of being at work all that time. Yes, she maybe thinks it will reflect on her and yes, it obviously is an illogical reaction and you're right I probably can't win this argument. I think that one day something will happen to force the issue and I'll just have to pick up the pieces afterward. Still, he next step is to have a discussion with my daughter and her partner about wearing skirts on our holiday. I'll do that at the weekend.

Thank you both for the excellent advice.

[crfriend]

It's not that I'm afraid of taking action is that sometimes she mentions the D.I.V.O.R.C.E. word and that's something I don't want and I don't think that she does either. Is she just saying it for effect?

If she's doing it "for effect" then it's lame at best and outright coercion at worst. If that's a card that causes you to cave 100% of the time, then I suspect it may be prudent to see whether the relationship is equal and based in mutual respect or whether it's based on control or manipulation. Only the participants can identify what the basis is, and a misclassification or miscalculation can have disastrous effects.

Yes, she maybe thinks it will reflect on her and yes, it obviously is an illogical reaction and you're right I probably can't win this argument.

The question here is how one defines "win". It is perfectly possible, and even likely, that if everybody involved communicates openly and honestly that a "solution" will present itself that will benefit all involved; however, if open and honest communication is not possible then the prospects are bleak -- also for everybody involved. It's not a "zero sum game". With creative thought and openness the sky's the limit.

Recall that even my wife -- who is a classic free-thinker and usually looks at things very rationally and thoughtfully -- felt it important to question my reasons for wanting to wear skirts. By her admission, she spent about 15 seconds on the topic and dismissed all the extraneous noise that so terrifies so many. What she wound up with is a happier husband who is actually now interested in how he looks, whereas before when it was trousers only I really couldn't have cared less. That was a classic "win-win" outcome with visible and happy benefit for the both of us.

I think that one day something will happen to force the issue and I'll just have to pick up the pieces afterward.

Do not take this as counsel, but sometimes it's best to "force the hand" especially if things are going entirely against one. You'll "win" some and you'll "lose" some, and sometimes the stakes are very high. Only you can make the call as to what to do. The key is communication; make sure you're talking with one-another instead of to (or, worse, at) one another.

Still, he next step is to have a discussion with my daughter and her partner about wearing skirts on our holiday. I'll do that at the weekend.

The answer may be interesting -- especially if you can engage her mind on the matter. If she already knows about it, I suspect she's either OK with it or at least accepting of her dad's eccentricities. Recall that children do not have to unconditionally love their parents and accept everything they believe or do; this is the entire opposite of what parents seem to be expected of. (There's a long story there with myself any my family whilst most of them were still alive.)

Thank you both for the excellent advice.

Whatever comes of it, I suspect we all wish the best for all involved. Just recall that it CAN work well for everybody involved so long as everybody's open about everything that's "on the table".

[skirtilator]

Good girl! Usually they have an innate sense of taste, so what she chose should look good on you. Mine hasn't actually bought one for me yet, but has pulled a few from racks with the comment that "It would look good on you."

Never let you chick choose your clothing. Own your initiative. That's what I would do, since I have chosen to be me.

[Sinned]

Spoke to my daughter and in herself she's not bothered about me wearing a skirt but she said that she doesn't want my grandson ( who's now 6 ) to grow up and wear a skirt! As if my wearing a skirt could really influence him! He's more interested in playing with his Skylanders and other toys. He has seen me in a skirt so it's not exactly news to him. I've decided that I will take some skirts with me and I will tell MOH that I am. I'll try and get her involved in choosing them so that at least I won't be accused of taking skirts that are either in bad taste or that she doesn't like. I plan on my first venture being from the apartment to the pool, after that then who knows.

Went out today to check on our house that's for sale and as I was getting into my car my neighbour over the road came out to water his plants and saw me in my skirt and shouted hello. Carefully watching him I couldn't be sure if he was really looking or not as he was a good 50 yards away. Not that I'm really bothered.

[Uncle Al]

Spoke to my daughter and in herself she's not bothered about me wearing a skirt but
she said that she doesn't want my grandson ( who's now 6 ) to grow up and wear a skirt!

So your daughter thinks it's OK for dad but not her own son--double standard.
Sounds like 'Mom' has really influenced her. Daughter is still thinking
in stereotypes. Men in pants/trousers ONLY. Women in ANYTHING.

Just tell her that fashion is biased towards men--same ol' stuff, day-in
and day-out. Look at the animal species. The male is the dominant,
colorful animal. The female has the subdued coloration allowing her
to hide in a nest/forest and not be seen protecting her young.

Just my $.02 worth

Uncle Al