skirtcafe.org

To Cafe Members,

As a result of a couple of topics I have breached this week, conversation at the Cafe has started to look more like a brawl. This is unfortunate, but I hope it will quiet back down.

Now that I have been Server Boss for a while, I think it's appropriate to explain what I'm trying to do. I have put a lot of thought and prayer --- yes, prayer --- into the Cafe.

Comments have been made about my leadership of the Cafe, vis a vis that of Tom and Noodles. It is true, I'm not Tom, nor am I Noodles. Everyone is different. In making decisions about the Cafe, I cannot ask "what would Tom do" or "what would Noodles do." Rather, I have to do what I think is right, based on my best understanding is of who we are, what we represent, and where I think we should be going.

I understand that I am pursuing a more active leadership style than Tom or Noodles. That is because I believe that we as a community can change the world over time, and I believe that active leadership will help make us a stronger community over time.

But in order to do that, we must function as a community. We must be a welcoming place for men who want to wear skirts or kilts as men. Every time a new member arrives and has that "aha!" moment in which he realizes he can wear a skirt without calling himself Jane --- we've made progress. This kind of service to our members' personal needs is a foundational part of what we do. We must also deeply examine ourselves, not fall prey to cliche "group think." The better we can express who we are, what we believe, and why we do what we do, the more effective we will be in this service.

Changing the world doesn't stop at service to our members --- it also involves effective communication with the world at large. The MSM march was our first major attempt at this kind of communication. It was not perfect and we all bickered over the results. But I believe it was a positive step in so many ways, and I continually grateful to Lar for spearheading it.

Communication doesn't just involve big events like MSM. A "press watch", along wiht letters where appropriate, is also important. That's why I started the "News and Advocacy" forum. It has already improved our organization with respect to letter-writing, and I hope we can make further progress in this area. Ideally, we should be sending succinct, polite, persuasive letters to editors, TV stations, etc. any time skirts for men appears in the news.

In addition to events and letters, communication also involves our own web forum. SkirtCafe is just one mouse click away from a billion people on the planet. That is why I hope we can keep at least some sense of decorum on it. If all we do is bicker, no one will ever take us seriously. More to the point, I would like us to look and feel more like a fashion website and less like a tranny website. That will go a long way with our cause.

Admittedly, many of our members, myself included, are leery of joining "movements". We tend to be free thinkers of various sorts. Many have expressed concern over a "higher purpose" for the Cafe beyond discussion between members. If that is you, you are perfectly welcome to stay, and I hope the Cafe serves your needs. No one is being pressured or forced to participate in anything at the Cafe. But to be honest, I must also state clearly that I DO see us as having an external advocacy mission, and I hope that at least some people will be interested in getting involved.

Complaints notwithstanding, I am an advocate of free speech, both on and off this board. I have deleted only two things at the Cafe: one was a thread I started, and the other was the Religion Forums (also something I started). Two mistakes in a row can be damaging to the community, and I'm sorry about that. But this was not a big use of moderator power or an example of totalitarian censorship: anyone can start threads as I have, and anyone can request that their own thread be deleted.

Yes, I make mistakes. But that is OK; we must allow ourselves to make mistakes. I continue to believe that we are capable of being more as a community tomorrow than we are today, and I intend to continue to introduce ideas over time to help see that through. Nobody likes change, but some changes can be good. Some ideas will succeed, some will fail. The latest idea is "Skirt of the Month", but unfortunately, we seem to be too embroiled in bickering to consider it seriously.

It's easy to have hard and fast principles about freedom, censorship, etc. However, princples blindly applied do not work for forum moderation. Moderation decisions require that one take into account the needs and points of view of a diverse set of members, as well as how we look to the general public. It is never possible to please everyone, and I clearly have not pleased everyone. But neither have I censored anyone's displeasure, however disrespectful it has been at times. Ultimately, this forum is about skirts and kilts for men, not about Bob. I do not wish for it to become a referendum on who likes or does not like Bob. I have enough friends in my off-line life.

Finally... it is true that I am currently the sole moderator for SkirtCafe. I do not wish that to be so. I would prefer that at least one member with energy and vision would step up to the plate as moderator for the forum as well as editor for various other features and community activities. I would love it if members with ideas on how we can better pursue our goals would come forward with those ideas and a committment to seeing them implemented. If you would like to put time into the Cafe in this way, please PM me.

Sincerely and Happy Skirting,
-- Bob

I think that is a great letter. I think censorship is seen as condescending, but any group which decides to be one thing, by default must automatically not be a much larger number of things.

everyone loves the cheerful anarchy of the web but all groups, of all kinds, unless they are united only by chaos, must have some limits and some guidelines. or else they are not really defining themselves as anything at all. that isn't censorship in the sense of hiding the truth or blindsiding people against their own welfare, it's just normal behaviour.

check out the yahoo comments on news items and you'll see complete and utter anarchy: no sane person wants to belong to that kind of a group, which is why they always hide their identities behind bizarre and often violent sounding names. here people are often bold enough to say who they really are, giving their names and photos--so it's in everyone's interest to protect the "look and feel" of the group and the tone of what is discussed, within reason.

I think it's a great group and I agree it will change the way people think because it has been doing that successfully for some time.

Bob,
I know how much effort goes into running a site like the Skirt Café and i thank you for all of the work that you have dome and will be doing in the future. All of us make mistakes, and if we did not we would not be human. Keep up the good work and let all of us learn from our errors.