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Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 12:18 am
by skirted84
While cafe members know full well the distinctions between men wearing skirts and perhaps other traditionally feminine attire from transgenderism, some in the world at large may be less clued up. Of course it may vary by location, but I've seen quite a difference when clearly presenting as a man at least on top/face/hair. Some very clearly address me as him/gentleman etc. Others like a beauty therapist wondered if it was the start of transitioning, the only clue being the skirt I took off before lying on the massage bed. I always wear a skirt if shopping for skirts, it makes things much clearer to the staff although I would hope I'm not being allowed into women only trying on rooms. Some stores have the same areas for men and women, others have clear segregation like Primark.
It doesn't bother me unlike some trans friends who get irate at "misgendering", but how do others find perceptions.
Re: Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 12:37 am
by crfriend
I see no percentage in getting irate if somebody draws an incorrect conclusion about me upon fist meeting. If they goof it and call me "ma'am", I'll look in their direction and simply say, "Pardon?" and that's usually enough, If somebody harps on the matter, it's usually antagonistic, and my tone changes to reflect that. Usually after one or two exchanges, that stops as I can put the aggressor in their place quite handily with words.
It has never -- not even once -- come to blows.
Most folks are tied up too much in just getting by in their own lives to really care about the inner workings of others' lives. And that works to our advantage.
Re: Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 5:15 am
by denimini
Only happened to me once checking out at an Op-shop when an elderly lady said "Thankyou Ma'am". I was a bit nonplussed but took no offence as I think that she was trying hard to move with the times ............ even though I had facial hair and hair on my legs.
One young person who I knew, told his mum that he thought that I had put a skirt on by mistake and I wasn't aware of it. We all laughed imagining such an unlikely scenario.
Another person told a friend of mine that they thought it was some sort of religion.
All good fun.
Re: Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 8:42 am
by STEVIE
skirted84 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 29, 2026 12:18 am
It doesn't bother me unlike some trans friends who get irate at "misgendering", but how do others find perceptions.
I'm with Carl on this, no point worrying over it, because you will never stop it.
The aggression I've faced was very rarely around mis gendering more like bigoted queer bashing.
Never led to getting properly physical either.
Steve.
Re: Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 12:09 pm
by Barleymower
I did once back in 2022 when I first started wearing skirts. A young lad in a petrol station said madam. I said "I'm not a women". He said he was sorry. In a carpark a guy said "sorry luv" and his wife said "it's a man" he then said "oh ****" and dived in his car. All in 2022. Nothing since.
People pass the time of day with me and a couple have stopped and said "l like your skirt". Never a sniff of agressìon.
Re: Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 12:51 pm
by Warren
A couple of times over the years I have been mis identified. Usually, I reply with 'I'm a bloke' and smile!
In rural France a few years ago whilst wearing trousers and a teeshirt I popped in a busy cafe and sat at a table, the waiter came along and said 'Madam', I smiled, replied with something and the whole cafe erupted into laughter at the waiters mistake, a great icebreaker.
Re: Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 2:35 pm
by DrFishnets
I’ve been wearing skirts, dresses and tights for nearly a couple of years now in public and I’ve yet to have someone call me Madam. I’ve always been addressed as Sir. It doesn’t bother me because I know I’m a 6ft big heterosexual guy who happens to like wearing feminine style clothes and it’s kind of obvious with my height and build that I’m not a woman. However, a lot of people probably do assume I’m transgender but the only time I really knew they assumed it was the time at a bus stop when a girl liked the tights I was wearing and asked me when I came out as transgender. I smiled and told her I’m just a cis man in a skirt.
To be honest I’ve thought about the transgender route but I’m really unsure about the HRT replacement therapy and surgery which freaks me out and I’m getting older. I think I’ll just continue wearing skirts, dresses and tights as cis male and I’m happy to be a man with the freedom to choose whatever I want to wear.
Re: Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 5:56 pm
by jamie001
For me it is an honor when someone addresses me as “Ma’am” which happens quite often. I don’t understand why some people get upset. When they get addressed as “ma’am” do they feel inferior because they believe that women are inferior?
Actually there needs to be a method of addressing folks that is gender neutral. Why when addressing someone does their gender need to be called out? It doesn’t make sense. In addition, the terms sir and ma’am have advanced age connotations that a lot of people resent.
Re: Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 5:57 pm
by jamie001
jamie001 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 29, 2026 5:56 pm
For me it is an honor when someone addresses me as “Ma’am” which happens quite often. I don’t understand why some people get upset. When they get addressed as “ma’am” do they feel inferior because they believe that women are inferior?
Also, why do some people get upset when they are assumed to be transgender? There is no dishonor is being categorized as transgender.
Actually there needs to be a method of addressing folks that is gender neutral. Why when addressing someone does their gender need to be called out? It doesn’t make sense. In addition, the terms sir and ma’am have advanced age connotations that a lot of people resent.
Re: Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 6:53 pm
by crfriend
jamie001 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 29, 2026 5:56 pmActually there needs to be a method of addressing folks that is gender neutral.
There is: "Hey, you!" Short and to the point. That said, our social structure is chock-full of little niceties that are designed to kind of "grease the skids" and make things move along a little more smoothly -- and these have functioned as designed for hundreds of years. It's only fairly recently that the social structures have broken down so badly that we're in danger of losing the whole shooting match, which would be too bad.
Re: Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 7:12 pm
by jamie001
crfriend wrote: ↑Thu Jan 29, 2026 6:53 pm
jamie001 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 29, 2026 5:56 pmActually there needs to be a method of addressing folks that is gender neutral.
There is: "Hey, you!" Short and to the point. That said, our social structure is chock-full of little niceties that are designed to kind of "grease the skids" and make things move along a little more smoothly -- and these have functioned as designed for hundreds of years. It's only fairly recently that the social structures have broken down so badly that we're in danger of losing the whole shooting match, which would be too bad.
Sometimes you have to loose the shooting match to win the war.
Folks with alternate gender identities need to be acknowledged and respected. Phrases like “Ladies and Gentlemen” need to be eliminated because they are not politically correct. Disney and some airlines have already eliminated that phrase.
Re: Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 7:31 pm
by crfriend
jamie001 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 29, 2026 7:12 pmSometimes you have to loose the shooting match to win the war.
From all current observations, I posit that the war has already been lost. The reasons for that are left to the imagination of the reader lest I violate the rules of modern PC and offend all sorts of snowflakes.
There's also the Southern US notion of, Y'all, since "you" is both singular and plural at the same time (like "deer" and "sheep") which confuses altogether too many folks. But, using dialectical forms carries other risks.
If we could distance ourselves from machismo and radical-feminist orthodoxy we'd all be vastly better off. We do not need the extra confusion at the moment; there are bigger fish to fry.
Re: Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 8:19 pm
by Myopic Bookworm
jamie001 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 29, 2026 7:12 pm
Phrases like “Ladies and Gentlemen” need to be eliminated because they are not politically correct.
I had to make a speech recently. I decided to go with "My Lords, Ladies, Gentlemen, Non-binary People, Fellow travellers, and visitors from Alpha Centauri". I thought that (in the absence of royalty) that should cover all the bases.
Re: Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 8:33 pm
by Seb
I've never been misgendered, but then again we don't use honourifics in Sweden, so it's not very easy to tell, if anything we use "du(you)". We got rid of the sir/mrs/miss in the 70ties. (the exception maybe would be for your English teacher in grade school)
Re: Does anyone assume you are transgender?
Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2026 11:01 pm
by JohnH
I get ma'amed a good amount of the time, but that doesn't bother me. As long as I'm not addressed as "maggot", that endearing term drill instructors address trainees, I don't care. I have had to learn to respond to "ma'am" when someone is calling me.
John