Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Discussion of fashion elements and looks that are traditionally considered somewhat "femme" but are presented in a masculine context. This is NOT about transvestism or crossdressing.
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moonshadow
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Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by moonshadow »

By "us" I mean the general membership here, I know there are a few members who do identify on the trans* spectrum. This post is not meant to invalidate those members, but rather, should be taken only generally.

But I just thought I would share that in the nine years (ghee... where does the time go) that I've been wearing "feminine" clothes openly, in all manner of regions and among all types of people, I can name on one hand the total number of times I've been asked about a pronoun and/or ma'amed.

Even here it bright blue western Washington, known as one of the most liberal places in the entire country [0], I am still considered a "guy". Out of five months of wearing "feminine" clothes (including skirts), only once has someone assumed I might identify as a "woman", and that person was a friendly young man working at Harbor Freight in Marysville, who, when I asked what the code was for the restroom, he proceeded to unlock the women's room. As they were single occupancy anyway, I just used it. Anyway, I note that I get "sir'ed" just as much if not more so, than when I lived back east.

So no... very few (and by that, I mean probably less than 1%) assume we're trans.

It's media hype guys. We are what we are.

[0] At least so I've heard. Honestly I don't see a whole lot of difference in the people on an individual level.
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crfriend
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Re: Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by crfriend »

moonshadow wrote: Sun Mar 17, 2024 7:42 pmSo no... very few (and by that, I mean probably less than 1%) assume we're trans.

It's media hype guys. We are what we are.
However, this takes a bit of effort on the part of an onlooker who's not (yet) familiar with us. We don't attempt to adopt the traits of the other sex in our daily lives, and that shows through as a clear and loud signal. We may be "dressed funny", but we behave like guys, we speak like guys, and (other than the wrappings) look like guys. It's the initial few moments that determine what "perception path" will be. Once over that hump, it tends to be fairly clear sailing.

But, make no bones about it, "trans-*" has vastly more mind-share right now than MIS, and we need to remain aware of that.
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jamie001
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Re: Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by jamie001 »

When I am out and about I get called "Ma'am" many time. I consider it a compliment.
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Mouse
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Re: Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by Mouse »

I think being someone who has to initiate conversation like a shop assistant or hotel concierge, life could be very challenging. In London you see so many humans where your best guess is probably wrong.
Personally, it is never a problem, but a long white beard is a good give away, despite what I am wearing.
Daily, a happy man in a skirt...
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Re: Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by Spirou003 »

I beat you all (just kidding but the story is fun): I've had a chat with a cashier and two other customers, during which it has been clearly stated several times that I'm a man (we were speaking about gender equalities, but a bit ironically) and then the cashier told me (translated from french) it will cost you 12.55€ madame. We all have had a good laugh, but the cashier was nonetheless a bit embarrassed. Despite me saying this is no problem, she felt obligated to justify herself. No skirt involved, I was in the male drab outfit (and not very colorful on that day)
Less of a joke, unless there is some malice or it is done intentionnally, I don't mind being ma'amed. Humans are humans, one of the things they do the best is error, so when it happens I just try (so far as I can do it) to take it with humor. It helps with lots of situations. Like today when I was looking after my doctor and him to me as well, and he pointed to me the text in his door indicating he was there. My answer: ah zut, I think I need to learn reading
STEVIE
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Re: Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by STEVIE »

crfriend wrote: Sun Mar 17, 2024 11:01 pm But, make no bones about it, "trans-*" has vastly more mind-share right now than MIS, and we need to remain aware of that.
jamie001 wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2024 3:20 pm I consider it a compliment.
Jamie, that's fine for you, but you have to be aware that not everyone feels the same way.
I reckon that everyone should be a lot more "aware" of other things and people around them than most folks really are.
Ignore your surroundings at your peril, but don't be daunted or intimidated either.
I reached a stage of not actually caring about any interpretation or judgement based on my clothing choices.
If I did, I'd likely have stuck to trousers and shared my misery accordingly.
Steve
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JohnH
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Re: Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by JohnH »

jamie001 wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2024 3:20 pm When I am out and about I get called "Ma'am" many time. I consider it a compliment.
With my figure including a bust, hair 7 centimeters below my shoulders, and my usual attire of wearing a dress along with painted fingernails, I present like a woman. However, as my voice is bass, deeper than the usual men's baritone, I definitely have the voice of a man. So people who don't know me may call me "Hon" or "Honey".

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Re: Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by Barleymower »

moonshadow wrote: Sun Mar 17, 2024 7:42 pm So no... very few (and by that, I mean probably less than 1%) assume we're trans.
I think it opens a lot of questions.
Here on this board some shout a little too loudly about their manly credentials. It's just for comfort etc.

I'm inclined to think that everyone here has a story to tell. It usually is based on childhood and seeing a skirt or dress and thinking "I want that". The more you have worn the forbidden clothes, the harder it seems to be to give it up. Not that you should. Some here have tried and just made them miserable.

What is it about the skirt or dress that makes it so appealing? One thing I have heard some say is that wearing a skirt or dress makes them feel at ease with themselves. That strikes a chord with me.

Like it or not the world takes this issue very seriously. Forget what they think, what do we think of ourselves? What are our real motives?
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denimini
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Re: Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by denimini »

I suppose that myself having facial hair and leg hair sets the cue that I am just a bloke in a skirt. I have only ever had one Ma'am from an elderly lady at an Op-shop, who I think was confused with the skirt and was well meaning although must have been thinking that I was a very failed example of what she thought I was trying to be.
jamie001 wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2024 3:20 pm When I am out and about I get called "Ma'am" many time. I consider it a compliment.
That is fine if that is how you are wanting to portray yourself
Anthony, a denim miniskirt wearer in Outback Australia
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JeffB1959
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Re: Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by JeffB1959 »

jamie001 wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2024 3:20 pm When I am out and about I get called "Ma'am" many time. I consider it a compliment.
I’ve had that happen to me from time to time, and that amuses me no end.
I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman.
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Re: Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by crfriend »

denimini wrote: Tue Mar 19, 2024 12:31 pm
jamie001 wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2024 3:20 pm When I am out and about I get called "Ma'am" many time. I consider it a compliment.
That is fine if that is how you are wanting to portray yourself
This comment sums it up beautifully. If that's the way you wish to portray yourself.

I rather suspect that the majority of guys do not wish to portray themselves that way, and the thought likely "puts them off the scent" completely.
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timemeddler
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Re: Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by timemeddler »

I once had a lady at square dance think I was trans because I wore corsets. Uhm, no this is for my crappy posture, and it does double duty by looking fashionable, and works better than the cheap walmart/amazon "Backsupports". So now I figure there's always going to be that one person who thinks something negative no matter what.
jamie001
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Re: Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by jamie001 »

Why does it matter if people think that we are trannys? There is nothing wrong with being trans. We should just be happy and not worry about how other people perceive us. We have no control over other people’s perception.
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Re: Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by crfriend »

jamie001 wrote: Thu Mar 28, 2024 5:16 pmWhy does it matter if people think that we are trannys?
The problem is that the term is a slur and should not be tolerated -- especially by people that aren't "trans-*".
There is nothing wrong with being trans. We should just be happy and not worry about how other people perceive us. We have no control over other people’s perception.
If that's the way that you identify. that's fine. I agree that public sentiment needs to move on that issue, but the bald statistical fact is that few folks are trans-* -- and the slur value continues in force. And that slur portion is precisely what needs to change.
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JohnH
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Re: Don't worry, most people know we're not trans

Post by JohnH »

JeffB1959 wrote: Wed Mar 20, 2024 1:23 am
jamie001 wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2024 3:20 pm When I am out and about I get called "Ma'am" many time. I consider it a compliment.
I’ve had that happen to me from time to time, and that amuses me no end.
I prefer to be sir'red but if I'm ma'amed I take no offense. Just don't call me that endearing term drill sergeants call raw recruits: "Maggot".

John
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