Missing Cafe' Members

[r.m.anderson]

Sorry not posted anything recently. I do pop into the cafe regularly but prefer not to get involved in "deep and meaningful" conversations. Am off soon on another cruise (100% skirted/dressed, not even taking any trousers) so I'll post pics of my outfits when we come back end of November.

Sail away - sail away - sail away !!!
I have had many cruises with me kilts - most of them the short hem length (16-19 inches).
Conversation starters - ya you betcha.
Cruise causal is the theme on most of the recent cruises and a kilt fits right in perfect with the cruise casual dress code.
When the ships formal main dining room specifies pants for the gents - I wear a kilt and pass muster easily !
Just beware when the ship is having the Muster Drill (stairs only elevators for mobility impaired (HC) and using those
ladder wells (old salt term) that someone is not following too closely for a better view (you should get the drift/message here)
And at other times the glass elevators and some amusement rides may need a hem dampener - but what the heck givem a thrill !

[Barleymower]

Yes sadly the recent forum topics have what appears to be declining activity (membership participation ?)

To some degree, the discussions might be rehashing of what was written before, and I think you can only write or read the same thing so many times before growing tired of a topic (or feel like you have nothing more to contributor or are shouting into the void). Also, and this is just a personal observation, but it feels like once one realizes the world out there is a lot more accepting, well, the need to come here and get support is lessened.

The need to come here and get support may have lessened but the need for support of others will not have changed. If acceptance in your life has reached a level where you own style is normalised, then you can help others get to the point where their style is is fully accepted and normalised.

[Coder]

The need to come here and get support may have lessened but the need for support of others will not have changed. If acceptance in your life has reached a level where you own style is normalised, then you can help others get to the point where their style is is fully accepted and normalised.

I don't disagree - and part of why I continue to post in my thread (also for the selfish reason I may get some style tips or feedback). The problem is how does one go about convincing people? Helping them build up their own courage? I know what worked for me - and no amount of cafe participation would have helped. For me, I needed to understand one simple concept about myself - and once I did - my fears lessened greatly because I know most if not all of them came from the same place. So I think for everyone it is different.

[Barleymower]

I don't disagree - and part of why I continue to post in my thread (also for the selfish reason I may get some style tips or feedback). The problem is how does one go about convincing people? Helping them build up their own courage? I know what worked for me - and no amount of cafe participation would have helped. For me, I needed to understand one simple concept about myself - and once I did - my fears lessened greatly because I know most if not all of them came from the same place. So I think for everyone it is different.

I re-read my post and I was a bit preachy. It wasn't intended.
Keep posting it always good to see a guy just being himself, dressed for work. I would not / could not wear a skirt in my work place. Even though my work is fully inclusive (I've seen the graphs to prove it ) Its not that I hide away in the closet. I do go out and often in a skirt. Its just work.. I work in a stuffy industry (engineering consultancy) where some people still wear ties. I digress.

The point was I think its great that you have conquered the work place. I dont think it was easy to walk into the university the first time in a skirt.

Your question: How does one go about convincing people? If you mean the general population, I don't think approaching them will work unless they talk to you first. I think the best encouragement for convincing people is for them to see more and more men doing it. The more men they see, the me normalised it becomes. Hard for the first few but easier and easier for those who follow up. This means we must go out there.
My personal view with convincing family is to be forceful. Accept me as I am! It's not something that I advocate to others though. Everybody is diffrent and their circumstances are different. What I actually do or the rare occasion I get to talk, is to listen to them and encourage them to push their own boundaries a little bit. hopefully without frightening them off.

Question from me: You say you know what worked for you. What was the simple concept about yourself?. Have you got the family on board or or they still out of reach?

[rode_kater]

There seems to be no beauty to kids any longer: nothing pretty, nothing cute, nothing even frivolous -- only darkness.

I've seen this too. For many young people these days there's no hope of owning a home. We have three wars in the region now. The idea was after COVID ended things might get better but they've only gotten worse. Inflation is eating away at salaries. And they see the baby-boomers with houses bought cheap and indexed pensions taking cruises and living their retirement sipping wine. The effects of climate change just keep piling up. And they check out. Why bother trying hard to get a better job, when you can work 20 hours to pay your rent and hang with friends for the rest of the time?

I'd like to tell them it will get better. I hope it will.

Sorry, the news is just way too depressing recently.

[Coder]

Your question: How does one go about convincing people? If you mean the general population, I don't think approaching them will work unless they talk to you first.

I was referring to trying to convince people who lack courage to wear skirts that it is possible to build up that courage.

Question from me: You say you know what worked for you. What was the simple concept about yourself?. Have you got the family on board or or they still out of reach?

Regarding myself, it was related to ocd, not really applicable to a lot of other people. As for family, sigh. I just haven’t dealt with it yet.

[Barleymower]

I think all we need is for someone to tell us its OK An acknowledgement that the other person likes the clothes we are wearing.
I work from home, earlier today my wife came home with her sister. I was in my usual seasalt skirt. She had a very fixed grin, so I said "as you can see I'm wearing a skirt". She said "yes you are" and we carried on talking. I was quite embarrassed.

[Coder]

I think all we need is for someone to tell us its OK An acknowledgement that the other person likes the clothes we are wearing.

Yep, and unfortunately you cannot get that from an internet forum - be it here or Reddit. We are all like-minded and biased, so those few and far between comments are so instrumental in building up confidence.

[skirtyscot]

I haven't disappeared, but I'm here a lot less than I used to be. Like some others, I no longer need the support and encouragement which the café provides. And I've said the same things many times. But it's still good to read about other guys' journeys towards skirtedness. (Not so good when they get disheartened, but that's life.) I should try to encourage others, but as has already been said in this thread, ultimately the courage can only come from within.

And I like to post pictures of my skirts, partly in the hope that they might inspire someone to try something new, and partly exhibitionism! These days I get about one comment on average, which ain't many, but I kid myself that the rest of you are just bored of saying how stylish I am!

[skirtyscot]

I am still wondering what happened to SINNED aka Dennis from York UK.

He last visited on 27 October but he hasn't posted for 7 months.

[Barleymower]

I haven't disappeared, but I'm here a lot less than I used to be. Like some others, I no longer need the support and encouragement which the café provides. And I've said the same things many times. But it's still good to read about other guys' journeys towards skirtedness. (Not so good when they get disheartened, but that's life.) I should try to encourage others, but as has already been said in this thread, ultimately the courage can only come from within.

And I like to post pictures of my skirts, partly in the hope that they might inspire someone to try something new, and partly exhibitionism! These days I get about one comment on average, which ain't many, but I kid myself that the rest of you are just bored of saying how stylish I am!

Keep posting Alastair.
There are plenty of men out there (me included) who need your support and the benefit of your experince.

If it helps I can move from "Bravo!" To "that looks atrocious" ... only joking but maybe a little more constructive.

[greenboots]

Please keep posting, Alistair. Whilst I love the variety of styles in the cafe, I’m probably most in line with you and Coder. I hope one day to persuade my wife to take a look. And if I can show that there are other men out there who wear the kind of outfits I would like to wear, and who don’t face massive backlash which she fears, we may make some progress in this house.

[r.m.anderson]

Maybe it is just that - - -

“Gestalt Prayer
I do my thing and you do yours.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
And if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.”

― Frederick Perls, Gestalt Therapy Verbatim

Skirtcafe members pursuing their own thing - time is of essence - visits and postings with in that essence of time frame ?

Without pointing a finger or requiring mandatory participation it would be nice to know that members are alive and kicking
the can down the skirtcafe pathway.
Come back here frequently and often.
Perhaps a once a year (member birthday) email renewing active membership interest in skirted (kilt) activities ?

The death knell of a forum is a lack of interest and participation ?
The forum is not a singular - one sided issue of discussion !

[Faldaguy]

I am still wondering what happened to SINNED aka Dennis from York UK.

He last visited on 27 October but he hasn't posted for 7 months.

I think I recall a couple posts in which he described an 'ultimatum' from his spouse that was going to preclude continuing with the site and his mode of dress -- but I don't see any recent posts to that effect, so perhaps my memory is faulty-- does anyone have PM contact or private contacts to offer our concerns?

[shadowfax]

I am still wondering what happened to SINNED aka Dennis from York UK.

He last visited on 27 October but he hasn't posted for 7 months.

I think I recall a couple posts in which he described an 'ultimatum' from his spouse that was going to preclude continuing with the site and his mode of dress -- but I don't see any recent posts to that effect, so perhaps my memory is faulty-- does anyone have PM contact or private contacts to offer our concerns?

This post from Sinned and some others from him, after it in the same thread may be the ones that you recall Faldaguy?
They are from January 2023.