A deep curtsey!

[ScotL]

I've had multiple discussions with her that I'm not in the Gay, trans, questioning box. Nor will I ever be. I live by a strong moral code that tells me that would be going too far.
It doesn't help that in our circle friends, college classmates, friends families, we have seen at least 4 marriages end because one spouse decided to go for a gay relationship.
So it doesn't look good. Nor do my words apparently hold much worth. I have told her I am not them, and don't compare me to them.

So with that and other logical reason that a man should be able to wear skirts. I'm met with a resounding "NO"

My recommendation (FWIW) is to not push it. It’s clearly a touchy subject with her and she’s gonna dig in against it anytime you try to persuade her.

So stop trying to persuade her.

Best to just be you and if she drops negative comments, politely tell her you know her feelings on the subject and bring up the playground reflection of “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.” Make sure she realizes her comments hurt you without attacking her.

When a person feels attacked, they go into defense mode. When they’ve hurt another’s feelings, they can feel shame. Even if they don’t vocalize that the first time. Shame is a powerful emotion that causes change especially if the person they’ve hurt is a loved one.

In other words, I think if you make this skirt wearing issue a non issue unless she hurts you with comments, she relaxes. If it’s an issue she feels you focus on it she wants you to drop, and you don’t, it reinforces her hatred of it.

One other trick I learned when dealing with wives. When wearing what you like, make sure you are extra specially nice to her at those times without talking about the skirt. When she knows she’s the center of your world, walls break down

[BouffantBelle]

I've had multiple discussions with her that I'm not in the Gay, trans, questioning box. Nor will I ever be. I live by a strong moral code that tells me that would be going too far.
It doesn't help that in our circle friends, college classmates, friends families, we have seen at least 4 marriages end because one spouse decided to go for a gay relationship.
So it doesn't look good. Nor do my words apparently hold much worth. I have told her I am not them, and don't compare me to them.
So with that and other logical reason that a man should be able to wear skirts. I'm met with a resounding "NO"

I'm not without sympathy. For the both of you.

I consider that the reverse of this situation would be if a girlfriend/wife suddenly announced she was going to shave her head and live in janitors' coveralls from then on, because that's what she found most comfortable.

Sure, we can say the bond you share should be what's really important, but truth be told, attraction will always play a massive part. Take away the things we associate with markers of fertility/virility, the attraction is gone too, and that's a problem.

I could never expect a woman to be ok with my skirting and still find me attractive. Male and female associations being what they are, it's all but impossible. And I made peace with that before I seriously began.

Sorry I don't have more positive tidings. If I were you, I would just set aside some weekly skirting time well away from her, or anyone else you know/knows you. I don't really see any other alternative other than making some very tough decisions. God speed.

[Uncle Al]

This is a bit of personal history

I had been wearing kilts for quite awhile. We went shopping at a Walmart where some
high school kids came up to us and loudly exclaimed Cool Kilt. I was wearing a khaki Utilikilt.
This helped to take 'the edge' off of a kilt, into skirt, wearing. A few days later, we went to
the Mall. IT WAS HOT. About 95*F at the time. I decided to wear a green, knee length, skirt.
Belt loops and everything Anyway, my wife was extremely hesitant about what I was wearing.
She was afraid that we'ld meet someone we knew. Sure enough, we met a second cousin, with
her friends. We began talking and my wife blurted out that I was wearing a skirt. The comeback
from them was incredible. They said that was a wise choice in this heat and they could care less.
From that day forward she had no qualms of what I chose to wear. She did say, somewhat in jest,
that if I started wearing a bra, she would divorce me, but anything else was fine with her.

Whether wearing a skirt, kilt or pants, I always treated her the same way. Showing her small, but
frequent things to make her happy. I would make her favorite meal or treat her to a Dairy Queen
Ice Cream Blizzard. I always supported her and her writing. She knew my feelings for her remained
the same. May she continue to Rest In Peace.

The old adage holds true - Happy Wife - Happy Life

Uncle Al

[Offkilter69]

I, like you, prefer women in skirts. But since they are not being worn by the women folk. I decided it would be such a shame if all these wonderful skirts went to the land fill.
Since 2015 I've rescued probably 60 skirts from certain destruction.
However I'm in a marriage with a wife that unfortunately can't comprehend why a male would want to wear any type of skirt. So very few will see the light of day again. I have them hidden in multiple places, in case she happen to go on the war path, that I won't loose the whole lot. That and we had the discussion that I would ultimately just replace them with more. So my skirt wearing is not in the closet, I feel more like I'm a underground skirter.
Situation stinks, but not much that can be done about it.
Sorry that's probably was way more than you want to know about my home life.

Having a spouse who does not accept you for who you are is psychologically painful. One hopes that a spouse or significant other is the one person you can count on to be understanding and not judgmental. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. I’m sorry that this appears to be your situation.

It is disappointing that your wife also rejected kilts, as that has been my way of introducing my SO, who is an ardent subscriber to traditional modes of male and female appearance, to the world of MIS. While she still is not a fan and probably never will be, she has been largely supportive and accepting of my kilts. Sometimes you just have to go against the grain within reason to make yourself happy. Life is too short to have regrets, especially regarding something as harmless as to what one wears, but there is also a need to balance things in life and to compromise at times.

Does she make you happy outside of the skirt issue? I’m sure it’s a complicated situation. Have you tried a professional counselor to help sort this all out? Please forgive me if I missed that info.

I wish there were easier answers…for any of us who deal with this difficult scenario.

To Belle - welcome to The Cafe! Please forgive the deviation from your original intro post. That kind of deviation is often a strength and curse of The Cafe. You will likely become engrossed at times with this forum. There are many “degrees” of MIS here, but we all share the common goal of fashion freedom for all!

The link below that was shared earlier in this thread is an EXCELLENT article from a woman’s perspective about coming to terms with her husband’s skirt wearing. May all women adopt this philosophy!

https://www.the-beskirted-man.com/

[BouffantBelle]

To Belle - welcome to The Cafe! Please forgive the deviation from your original intro post. That kind of deviation is often a strength and curse of The Cafe. You will likely become engrossed at times with this forum. There are many “degrees” of MIS here, but we all share the common goal of fashion freedom for all!

Not a problem! It's a valid reason to derail a thread, if ever there was one. I hope we can help Misha along to some kind of resolution.

Thanks for the welcome!

[ScotL]

I could never expect a woman to be ok with my skirting and still find me attractive. Male and female associations being what they are, it's all but impossible.

This isn’t impossible at all. In fact, I’ve found since walking around in a kilt, I’ve been hit on more than almost any time in my life. The only other time I’ve ever received such attention was when wearing a tuxedo.

[BouffantBelle]

This isn’t impossible at all. In fact, I’ve found since walking around in a kilt, I’ve been hit on more than almost any time in my life. The only other time I’ve ever received such attention was when wearing a tuxedo.

My skirting, not your skirting. I would drastically have to tone it down if I wanted to be taken anything like seriously.

On the other hand, narrow, coarse utilitarian skirts do absolutely nothing for me. If that's what I'm limited to, I may just as well stick to my jeans and slacks.

[ScotL]

On the other hand, narrow, coarse utilitarian skirts do absolutely nothing for me. If that's what I'm limited to, I may just as well stick to my jeans and slacks.

Just asking, you like to wear more for fashion then and less for comfort?

[BouffantBelle]

Just asking, you like to wear more for fashion then and less for comfort?

Absolutely. Although "comfort" may be harder to define than at first one might think. The sensations of wearing a skirt are far more enjoyable than pants/trousers, but I don't know if I would necessarily call them more comfortable, because I don't really find the inseam thing to be much of an issue, myself.

[Coder]

Just asking, you like to wear more for fashion then and less for comfort?

Absolutely.

I may have missed it, but could you post links to images of example skirts you consider to be beautiful but unwearable in public? I know you started the Fustanella thread, but I am genuinely curious.

[ScotL]

Absolutely. Although "comfort" may be harder to define than at first one might think. The sensations of wearing a skirt are far more enjoyable than pants/trousers, but I don't know if I would necessarily call them more comfortable, because I don't really find the inseam thing to be much of an issue, myself.

Ok, thanks for clarifying. Personally, I wear skirts for comfort mostly. A skirt does improve the level of dressiness of an outfit and I do believe in dressing up still. I still wear ties, I’ve just learned to tie them appropriately so you never know you’re wearing one. But the first time I put on a skirt to just wear one, I was dumbfounded as to the difference in comfort. I also learned what skirts I like due to comfort. Anything that restricts my movement is out for this guy

[BouffantBelle]

I may have missed it, but could you post links to images of example skirts you consider to be beautiful but unwearable in public? I know you started the Fustanella thread, but I am genuinely curious.

I guess...

I'm actually surprised there was no follow up to this. Warning: It's really "out there". No way would I ever even think about wearing something like this out and about, but if I ever were to skirt in public, it would definitely have to be an anatomically "female" skirt, I.E. circle cut and fine, smooth fabric. Unless I get my hands on that fustanella first, of course!

viewtopic.php?t=21590&start=45

[Coder]

I may have missed it, but could you post links to images of example skirts you consider to be beautiful but unwearable in public? I know you started the Fustanella thread, but I am genuinely curious.

I guess...

I'm actually surprised there was no follow up to this. Warning: It's really "out there". No way would I ever even think about wearing something like this out and about, but if I ever were to skirt in public, it would definitely have to be an anatomically "female" skirt, I.E. circle cut and fine, smooth fabric. Unless I get my hands on that fustanella first, of course!

viewtopic.php?t=21590&start=45

Weird - I use the "unread posts" feature and that thread/post never showed up.

So would it be fair to say "ren fair style"? Or does that paint too broad a brush? I don't know too much about fashion era's, but I suspect you could wear that to a renaissance fair and not get a lot of guff. You could go with a woman who dresses more in a guy's outfit and people would just assume you were doing a gender swapped thing for a lark.

[BouffantBelle]

So would it be fair to say "ren fair style"? Or does that paint too broad a brush? I don't know too much about fashion era's, but I suspect you could wear that to a renaissance fair and not get a lot of guff. You could go with a woman who dresses more in a guy's outfit and people would just assume you were doing a gender swapped thing for a lark.

Really just an evolution of my own style. It's by no means historically accurate. I just figured one day that a very full skirt hanging straight down parallel was just a waste of all that excessive volume, and they needed something "extra". (And I was curious about how all that froth might feel to wear. )

I really don't see the world being ready for men in huge petticoats for some time yet. Plus, they're a real pita, and stupidly impractical. I just love the effect.

Something more mainstream and conventional, just more on the swishy side, that I can maybe work with. One day...

[Myopic Bookworm]

Weird - I use the "unread posts" feature and that thread/post never showed up.

Me too: never saw that one. Nice skirt! It is the kind of thing that I would love to wear on a special occasion, but I don't think my wife would approve and I haven't a chance of hiding a skirt that size in the wardrobe!