skirtcafe.org

Several posts ago Pythos mentioned having to move back in with Mom and how this put a real crimp in his skirt wearing and his goth look. How the move has forced him to feel he has to give his personal indentity.
Well, I've had the same problem but in reverse. My wife's son has fallen onhard times. He's in his 40s and works in the building trades. An electrician licensed for residental only and the market fell out three years ago. So eventually he lost his mortage and needed a place to stay.
We have a modest, ranch style home with a detached garage and a crawl space. Four bedrooms, but one is now the computer room. So he completely redid a bedroom for himself and has found ways to to store stuff. Because of my poor health problems he's done all the work by himself needed to move in. He shovels the driveway in the winter, mowed the lawn when needed and does the yard work my wife wants done. Since I can no longer do any of this type of work around the house I leave it t the two of them.
But he's is very...restricted in his view of things. When he see's me in a kilt he calls it a skirt and sounds very negative when he says it.
This is someone who will NOT watch any TV or movies in black and white. It has to be in color. He doesn't understand why evryone doesn't like the same things he like to watch for TV or movies or eat the same foods he likes or drink the same drinks he likes. He is a gung-ho man's man with something to prove all the time. And he brought his big German Shephard with him, so now we have three big dogs in a modest sized house and backyard. Actually the dog isn't that much of a problem, he gets along with our Golden Retreiver and out elderly, female lab.
It's just that I don't know when he'll be home and when he'll stay for dinner and when he'll hang around the house during the day. He's going to school and does "side jobs" for cash.
He's known about my skirt and kilt wearing since my wife and I were married, 25 years ago. But it was never really out in the open until he moved out after high school. So he wasn't adjusted to it on a regular basis.
Every year I curtail skirts and kilts during the winter, because of my health problems. Getting an added chill on my lower body only adds to the problem of my recurring bronchitis and pmeumonia problems. I usually wait until a few warm days and break out a kilt first, around now, and then add my skirts later.
But this year I find myself totally reluctant to begin my spring/summe/fall MIS-MIK tradition. Our town and the general area we live in in IS NOT male skirt friendly to begin with. And my step-son being here just make it harder for me to emotionally gear myself up right now.
I now that most of you wlll just say "go ahead and do it" but that takes a lot of personal courage for me. It always has. Nothing bad has ever happened over my kilts or skirts. It's just my personal paranoia I carry with me from wy back in my childhood. It's really hard to deal with at times.
I know there's no real solution here, except whatever I can come with. I hope to resolve this soon so I can begin skirting again.
DALederle

I too have simular situations here. Family members not liking my ideas and dress and they needing to live with my wife and I. I can say it is very taxing on the mind to an extreme and not an easy daily struggle with ones own thought proccess'. Now my wife helped a bit with her full support however that doesn't fix it all.
One thing I have done that is a help for myself is worked up an attitude - takes daily self reminding and then not an over night fix - I just feel that if my skirt wearing is that much of a problem - They can find some other place to live. Seems harsh and cold being these are family but for my own sanity it's something that I have to do. Now it has not come to anyone leaving due to my skirts so it works out that they learned to live with it.

Now I am not saying your trouble is so easy to fix - believe me it's not. My family members are not as voiced over the skirts as yours. They mentioned to my wife but she did not allow to be a big deal. Once she made it clear that my skirts were ok they knew better then to bring them up in front of me.

Maybe an answer to your trouble would be a "twist" on my story.

I still have the rest of Tennessee to worry about though.

I think one of my problems ia that I came to MIS-MIK through TV/CD experiences. That's not what I do anymore and haven't for years. But the word within the family was that I liked to dress up and try to look like a woman. Actually I never felt comfortable doing that kind of thing in the first place. It was a "left over" from my childhood.
But like a lot of bad ideas it has just hung me on even though it is no longer true.
My step-son was not around when I found MIS-MIK back in 1998, when I first logged on to the internet.
I guess I'm going to have to find a way to show him that I'm just a guy and not TV/CD or even (gasp) gay.
Maybe tomorrow I will get out my clan kilt and spend the day wearing it!
I've got to try sometime soon.
DALederle

Wish me luck! (LOL)

DALederle wrote:I think one of my problems ia that I came to MIS-MIK through TV/CD experiences. [...] Actually I never felt comfortable doing that kind of thing in the first place. It was a "left over" from my childhood.

But like a lot of bad ideas it has just hung me on even though it is no longer true.

It looks like you're going to have a bit of a hill to climb, Dennis, because you need to repudiate those earlier notions which, I suspect, your step-son has heard about one way or another. I believe it can be done, and I don't think it'll require the use of the "velvet hammer" (While you are in my house you will show me some respect.); it may be tough, especially if the guy is very set in his ways -- and many blokes can be.

I guess I'm going to have to find a way to show him that I'm just a guy and not TV/CD or even (gasp) gay.
Maybe tomorrow I will get out my clan kilt and spend the day wearing it!

That's a good start. The kilt has societal connotations to it, and it is an unmistakably "masculine" fashion icon; if our step-son slags off on you about that he's got his head someplace the sun doesn't shine.

Wish me luck! (LOL)

Good luck to you! And I'm not laughing but rather smiling. This is a fight that I believe can be won.

Good Luck Dennis!

Dennis said: I will get out my clan kilt and spend the day wearing it!

Bash me jibbers and blow me over! I didn't know Lederle was a Scottish Clan name. Live and Learn. Is that a lowland clan? Mine, Fraser, is a highland clan name. Here is the Fraser Hunting tartan and the Fraser Ancient Hunting tartan..

Skip:
Lederle is a German name not Scottish!
But one of my great grandfathers was name Furgeson or Ferguson and came from Scotland, right off the boat. So while I have no German clan plaids to wear I do wear a Furgeson kilt to Ren Fairs and Celtic Fairs. since there's Scottish, English and Irish on one side of the family and I also have a BlackWatch kilt(doesn't everyone?).
It is a pity that MIS-MIK have to get up the courage todo something that should take no courage at all but just be an ordinary part of life.
DALederle

There are no "lowlands", there are the highlands and the border lands!

First thing that comes to mind is if your wife knows about her son making those negative remarks and how much it affects you. From what you describe Dennis it sounds like he feels free to mock your taste in all things so talk to her, she is the one to tell her son to behave appropriately. There is no reason you should have to change your behavior in your own home. This becomes more complicated if it is completely your wife's home. Given his other judgemental attitudes and perhaps real inability to be empathetic she may be excusing his behavior and that is not doing anybody any good. There is a big difference between a person with a disability and one who uses it as permission to be rude. imadube is right, the son needs to conform to living with you, not the other way around.

I also think trying to convince the stepson of what you are not is a waste of time. (It is not like it would be okay for him to be disrespectful if you were gay, right?) If he truly does not understand that other people can have different taste in movies and food then he probably is set in his belief that a kilt is a skirt. It is not the name that is the problem anyway, it is the negative attitude. You should be able to sit in you own living room and even if in a sequined gown that would put RuPaul to shame hear nothing negative from that ungrateful boarder of yours. And, if he can't keep his unwelcome opinions to himself then kick him out and take Pythos in instead.

JRMILLER wrote:There are no "lowlands", there are the highlands and the border lands!

Of course there are lowlands... They're generally called England and constitute Scotlands largest colony

Have fun,


Ian.

Regarding there being no Scottish Lowlands, I beg to differ...

http://www.myguidebritain.com/scotland/scotish-lowlands

What do you expect from an English guide? I was corrected by the natives...

The term "Sassenach" (Not sure of the spelling!) refers to lowlanders, nominally the lowland Scots (presumably they had Lowlands to live in!) who were called that by Highlanders or cheuchters (no idea how that one is spelt!).
When I lived in the Scottish borders (Ecclefechan) the term sassenach, was used as an abusive term for the English.

So there!

Live long and prosper!

Wow.

I'm sorry but D, you need to set that boy straight.

First off, you are the adult. He is your inferior (younger). I am sorry but you are showing no back bone. He is the one that is out on his Ass if he pisses you off.

He has to prove his manliness by being a prick, and dragging his "manly dogs" along.

My situation is quite the reverse. Mother dearest has backed off on stopping my leggings and catsuit wearing. She saw I was really miserable having to be in jeans all the time. But my mother is my superior, pays the bills for the house, and currently pays for food. and such. I have to "obey" her whims. But she is also learning how silly she is being. I doubt she will ever see me in a skirt, but the leggings and stuff she is okay about.

This economy however sucks big time, and I for one am tired of it. I want my Gothy stuff back out. LOL

Pythos said: He has to prove his manliness by being a prick

Being or Having??? I have met plenty of people who were "pricks" without having one. And plenty of people who proved their manliness by being a good person and caring about others, without "being" a prick.

Pythos:
Like most things in life its not that simple, but thank you for your input.
Eric, my step-son, is a well intentioned person but just set in ultra manly ways. He's never said anything to his mother or I so I may be mis-interpeting what I perceive as his actions.
And, because of my handicap status, caused by my breathing he does do most of the yard work and out door chores that his mother and I can no longer do.
So he is a contributor to our household.
Cuts the grass, trims the bushes, shovels the snow, etc.
I feel it would be an ungrateful act on my part to argue with him right now!
We have given all our children at least one chance to come back home when they needed and this is his turn. Unlike the other children, who we gave shelter to as adults, Eric actually pays monthly room and board as well as doing the chores I cited.
So I have to just either live with things or get up my own courage to wear my skirts and kilts and ignore him until something is said.
It's far more me then Eric.
It's great skirt wearing weather now, so maybe I'll try soon.
DALederle