Can men in skirts look sexy? Is this allowed?

[Peter v]

Well, if you're looking to please ME, sugar, I'd say you could lighten the color of your tights a tad. I wouldn't have them darker than the rest of your outfit.

Hmmmmm . . . . bugger. I had just decided to go all out for black tights and leggings this winter. Although I may rethink that slightly now.
May I ask - why do you suggest this? Is this another rule that I don't know about? Do women generally keep their tights a shade lighter than their outfit?

That leads me to a point I wanted to make. I am a bit fed up with this thread as it seems I have not made myself clear. I began the thread to hopefully get some FASHION suggestions on how men can/should dress in order to look sexy/hot etc. But it seems that many people have got caught up with the word 'sexy'. Please ignore it.

As an example of how women can dress to look HOT - I give you . . . . patterned tights. Now, I wear plain tights and leggings a lot and am perfectly comfortable with that - but I haven't worn patterned ones yet - although I will try some out (I have bought one amazing pair!). See here:
http://tinyurl.com/2fh39j
I think they will be great with boots.

Anyhow - that's the sort of thing I meant. Women can emphasize parts of their body - like the legs - by wearing certain fashions. I think men can do the same. Why not? But we just need to figure out what looks good and what doesn't.

Other than that, you looked pretty darned hot, I'd say!

Shhhhhh! Don't tell anyone - or else they'll all want one!

You're right with those wonderfull tights ( we call them pantys over here in the Netherlands.) But be carefull, don't mees it up with the wrong shoes. There are so many possibilities when you start using tights, they are wonderful. In colour, net, with patterns, but you must abide to the rules, pattern tights and pattern skirts don't go together. having the right colour combinations is very important, but can give stunning results.

By the way, I was fitting skirts in a more exclusive women's clothing shop, and had a knee length black and white skirt on, which was actually just a little too small for mij waist, but sat perfectly in my small men's hip. I said to the very helpful helpster with a big smile, "I don't want to say it, but this skirt is really sexy on me"and we both agreed and laughed. It was true. Skirts can be very sexy on men, meaning that they fit the men's posture very well, and give the total look a very pleasurable effect. You can look sexy in a normal overall. It's how it compliments a nice body and looks pleasurable that does it.

When we wear skirts, there is a totally new way that we look at the way we are dressed. I think that fitted shirts are much more .... "fitting", attractive than the oversized straight fitting men's shirts that men generally have. Also women wear shirts over the skirt, having shirts which are made specially straight edged for that purpose. and it breaks the body line and looks good. Men's wide shirts with tails over the skirt are a NO NO. Actually it's quite complicated, as a man, getting it just right, but it can be done. The big difficulty is getting clothing that can give the right effect, and that is generally not clothing made to the men's shape fitting ( not body hugging as women's clothing is. Also just buying a shirt made to fit a woman won't work, as most are too small in the shoulders and just don't fit.

At least pantys fit most men, so that is at least one thing that can be used to make another look.

Don't be scared to try them, really, pantys with patterns look really good!
I wear them often.

PS. I mention Women a lot, but still i'm talking about MEN in skirts. Who want to get the compleet effect right, something you only start thinking about and realise the importance of once you start wearing skirts.

Peter v.

[sapphire]

Just another perspective, I wear dark tights in winter: lack, brown, navy, because of MUD. It doesn't show as much. After you've traipsed through the slushy streets (and are not wearing boots) you end up with "racing stripes". Yuck. Racing stripes aren't as visible on darker colors and a quick trip to the restroom will allow you to rub them off.

I've got some patterend tights that I just adore for making up funky outfits. I love the green and purple plaid ones with a black mini and a green Dropkick Murphys t shirt and platform oxfords. (they look like they belong in Riverdance)

Then there are the horizontal red and white tights (Think wicked witch) paired with Harry Potter knee highs, black mini, "I Love Cats" t shirt and black Mary Janes with a cat face buckle. That was for a trip to the vet.

Ahem, getting back to patterend tights..... Mixing patterns is an art. It can be fabulous or a train wreck.

[AMM]

[Warning: this ended up pretty rambling, but I don't have the energy to tighten it up. My apologies if you can't find a point to it. Not sure there is one.]

I started to write this assuming I wanted to dress "sexy", which I'm going to define as "dress to attract [positive] attention from the opposite sex."

But when I reread Carl's comment about wearing "safe" clothing, I started to question that.

Maybe I don't really want attention from the opposite sex most of the time. And maybe a lot of guys are like that.

When I think of my life right now, I think of it as on the one hand fairly fulfilling, but on the other I feel like I'm carrying quite a load. High-maintenance teen-aged kids who require a lot of attention and soul-searching; an ex who requires careful handling; work which is challenging (and often intrudes into all hours of the day or night); responsibilities in my religious community; and just the daily tasks of life. I figured that most weeks, I have about 10 hours of "free" time, sometimes more but often less. I'm not complaining, I wasn't made to lie around and eat bon-bons, but I'm not looking to take on any more work, either.

Since I've started wearing skirts, I've noticed how much effort it takes to put together an outfit that I won't be embarrassed to go out the door in. It's not just the clothes: your attitude has to fit what you're wearing. (Imagine a woman wearing a severe business suit and then imagine her wearing a slinky, low cut gown -- she's going to have to act differently, or look ridiculous.) If you're dressing to be noticed (whether in a skirt or in trousers), you have to keep in mind how you are going to look. It's a little bit like how I imagine being a celebrity must be -- always being conscious of what the cameras of the paparazzi might capture.

It's work, and a lot of the time, I don't feel like it. Often, when my "free" time rolls around, I just want to lie around and do nothing at all. I don't want to dress to attract someone and then act charming to the someones I attract. I don't even want to dress up to attract myself.

I get the feeling that many women find themselves in this position all the time. Simply because they are women, they are expected to be on display all the time, and if they don't dress and act sufficiently "attractively" by their viewers' standards, they hear about it. It sounds strenuous and, in the long run, not so much fun. Maybe it's not so surprising that once they had the opportunity to dress to be invisible, so many started taking advantage of it.

I've noticed that I often have to force myself to dress up and go out to a dance. Mind you, once I'm on my way in my dancing skirt and all brightly colored, my reluctance vanishes. I enjoy it when I'm there, I feel energized (mostly), and love interacting with all the beautiful women there and meeting old friends. I think it's good for me. But I feel it when I hit the road to go home. The idea of going home with one of those lovely ladies sounds attractive in concept, but all I really want to do by that time is to find a safe, comfortable place to sleep.

[Peter v]

Hallo AMM, that sounds quite real life to me. Thanks for your story. The realisation that life can be tedious, and that there just isn't much time to wear skirts even if you wanted to. Women probably dress up as a second nature, which goes easier than for men. But you are right, you must pay attention to the whole effect, just pulling on a skirt isn't good enough, depending on what skirt you're wearing, the other clothing and the way you "act"in it will differ. It may often seem too much trouble, and you may just decide to leave it and have a well earned rest. Looking good is not always easy, and requires the neccessary attention to detail. Lik you said, we men aren't quite used to that, so it may take time to adjust. When you get it right, you really can look stunning, and that will make you look "sexy" ( successfully dresed )

Which takes me to another point, without men being seen at all hours in a skirt, in large substantial numbers, we will still be a carnaval act to many, and may not being taken serious, and not in the least by the fashion boys.

If we are to be able to wear skirts, and other freestyle clothes, in freedom, then it must be seen by the general public as a normally done thing. Not only practical kilts, but also the neat skirts, to be worn to special occasions. So that the general public associates it with classy clothing and looking good. How to achieve that? wear a skirt as often as posible in public. But more importantly wear it when you want to.

Here in the Netherlands, there are very few men wearing skirts out in public. That is possibly because men don't wear them to work, many men go to work on bycicles, which is not handy with a skirt on in the winter. Many men are scared of what other people may think about it, and there are many wives who don't accept their man wearing a skirt, so people out here don't se it much at all. I get the impression that there are more men in the US wearing skirts than over here, but I don't have any statistics.

Peter v.

[SkirtDude]

I often can't wait to get home from work and put on a skirt and t-shirt to relax in, but sometimes I end up not bothering.

... I get the feeling that many women find themselves in this position all the time. Simply because they are women, they are expected to be on display all the time, and if they don't dress and act sufficiently "attractively" by their viewers' standards, they hear about it. It sounds strenuous and, in the long run, not so much fun. ...

I have often wondered if "being on display all the time" combined with other social pressures society places on women is part of why women seem to have more mental health issues than men.

[crfriend]

I started to write this assuming I wanted to dress "sexy", which I'm going to define as "dress to attract [positive] attention from the opposite sex."

Actually, that's not a bad definition at all. It shows some usefulness for discussion going forward. "Attracting positive attention from the opposite sex" is something quite different than dresssing for, say "power and intimidation" (work) or 'utilitarian lounging around" (casual) uses.

But when I reread Carl's comment about wearing "safe" clothing, I started to question that.

Maybe I don't really want attention from the opposite sex most of the time. And maybe a lot of guys are like that.

I hope I didn't put the kibosh on something there.

I suspect you're correct with the assertion that "a lot of guys are like that"; it's the way we've been reared, and it's the way we've been indoctrinated all out lives. We've been trained not to stand out by way of our attire unless it's in a manner that draws attention to whatever power we may wield (or are trying to wield), and I believe that may be one of the roots of the current questioning we're now doing as a group of the status quo, clothing-wise.

You bring up the notion that getting up in a skirted rig is more work than it is to simply chuck on the male "uniform" and head out the door; I find that to be the case as well, and cannot see any way around that. I think that is we're going to look "different" (and we do) we need to look good (i.e. better than "presentable") to set it apart from the traditional "boring".

[Putting together a skirted look is] work, and a lot of the time, I don't feel like it. Often, when my "free" time rolls around, I just want to lie around and do nothing at all. I don't want to dress to attract someone and then act charming to the someones I attract. I don't even want to dress up to attract myself.

I understand that feeling completely, and the corrosive effect of long hours at work and commutes certainly plays into that. In fact, Sapphire can frequently tell what sort of mood I'm in depending on what I change into after work (or really get concerned if I don't). In my case, it's usually burn-out. That's not the same for everybody, but I'd be more than willing to wager that we all go through those feelings from time to time.

The assertion that perhaps the same thing is happening with the ladies is an interesting notion as well. It may not be at all surprising that they're trying to "hide" now that they have the option, just as some of us are trying to "not hide" by asserting the option. That's food for thought.

Another chap brought up the observation that women seem to have more mental health issues than men. I wonder if some of that is that men typically decide to "tough it out" and just go undiagnosed whereas women try to fix the problem at the root, although certainly the notion of "being on display all the time" can't help matters.

[AMM]

But when I reread Carl's comment about wearing "safe" clothing, I started to question that....

I hope I didn't put the kibosh on something there.

No, I think it helped me understand myself better. Not a bad thing at all.

For what it's worth, I don't find it stressful to wear skirts when I'm alone. But when I'm alone, I'm more likely to dress for comfort and for how the skirt and/or outfit feels than for the visual impression it makes. I'm more likely to wear certain "femme" things when I'm alone, not to feel "femme", but because they feel more comfortable. Thigh-high stockings, for instance, give just the right amount of warmth sometimes, even though I really don't like the look. And a knee-length dress I made out of lightweight stretch satin is just the thing to change into when I come home from work on a 90+ degree day: it's cool, doesn't get clammy, but keeps the drafts off. But it doesn't look at all good on me.

Another chap brought up the observation that women seem to have more mental health issues than men. I wonder if some of that is that men typically decide to "tough it out" and just go undiagnosed whereas women try to fix the problem at the root, although certainly the notion of "being on display all the time" can't help matters.

From what I've seen of the general population, I'd say that men tend to have more mental health issues than women. Anger management problems, alcoholism, and antisocial behavior are pretty common and are typically (typically != exclusively!) male. But men are far less likely to admit they have a problem, and more likely to blame other people and/or "the world."

I generally figure, the more serious the mental problem, the less likely someone is to want to face it or work on changing it.

[Peter v]

Hallo AMM,

"For what it's worth, I don't find it stressful to wear skirts when I'm alone. But when I'm alone, I'm more likely to dress for comfort and for how the skirt and/or outfit feels than for the visual impression it makes. I'm more likely to wear certain "femme" things when I'm alone, not to feel "femme", but because they feel more comfortable. Thigh-high stockings, for instance, give just the right amount of warmth sometimes, even though I really don't like the look. And a knee-length dress I made out of lightweight stretch satin is just the thing to change into when I come home from work on a 90+ degree day: it's cool, doesn't get clammy, but keeps the drafts off. But it doesn't look at all good on me. "

Do we actually realise that clothing can be worn just because it's clothing? It's great to dress up in what we want, now not being held back by only wearing pants. Something becomes sexy when other people react to it and find it at that moment sexy to them, even if you're only putting the trash can out. When you look good, there's always the chance someone will find you "sexy" even if you're not looking for any attention.

Only dressing good is not the only thing which determines if you are sexy, it's the way you look, the expression on your face. After that, it's the look of: yes, I do look good, but keep away. Or: What are you looking at? ( meaning you can see that people acknowledge that you are worth looking at) and then smiling and enjoying it. Or: Jealous?

Anyway it's nothing to be ashamed about, be proud you look good in anything, pants or skirts.

Peter v

[BrotherTailor]

AMM,
I think the prevalence of mental health issues, and the behaviours you refer to: alcoholism, anger management problems etc, are fairly equally distributed between men and women, at least in the West.
What does affect a lot of men, and I'm not immune, is a lack of opportunity to express themselves in healthy, safe and constructive ways - there is very little in a man's life that is therapeutic to serve as some sort of "tonic" to modern male existence.
As I see it, women have s slightly easier time of it (expressing their inner selves) whether this be in the way they dress, in creating some colourful craftwork or perhaps vicariously through their children, especially a daughter. When I observe a woman dressed a certain way, it expresses her mood and attitude, or at least projects the mood and attitude she wants the world to assume she has. A room full of men is pretty much clone city, whether we are heartbroken, deliriously happy, peaceful, or angry, we all dress the same.
The man who fails to observe this baseline norm in uniformity of attire amongst his peers is subjected to sufficient reprimand, silent or otherwise, that the violation is not repeated, or at least not in company of other men. I think this is where a great many men are at - we live one life as ordinary Joe, and this is what most of our buddies will accept and recognise us for. The other life is never far away, it just resides simmering below the surface only truly surfacing at those times when we are certain of safety. Where it becomes problematic is when we are never able to find a safe place for this other life to breathe and come to full consciousness. Whether this is a disapproving wife/girlfriend or simply a very narrow community or whatever. Usually when we are alone we are safe. For those who live alone, this is a lot of the time apart from work or social engagaments, so the stress doesn't build up quite the same....at least in this matter of under discussion.

Personal example. I recently acquired a new skirt, a grey and burgundy plaid kilt skirt. I have come up with a "look", with coordinating pieces that when combined with a mildly corseted waist look smashing to me, I simply love the look and feel of the skirt and outfit. It makes me happy to see myself wearing it. However, I doubt I'd have the balls to go grocery shopping in it, although in a strange city, perhaps. I reluctantly change into icky trousers (same everything else though) to venture into town. On returning home I changed back. It is just the same as accepting the need for mittens or galoshes or an umbrella in foul weather, it may not suit us, but we must accept the necessity. These are the times when I used to wonder if I perhaps I really was one of those people who who feel they were born the wrong sex. I've moved past that point, but I still puzzle at the women who largely refuse to wear the type of skirts and dresses I find very stylish and attractive...So many times I've heard myself (seen myself actually as it was writing) saying "If I were a woman..." "If it was me...". So I stick to male-look kilts, and continue to work on my look and develop enough courage to bring that look before the public eye. That's just me.

[Peter v]

Hallo brother tailor, what a shame, that for personal reasons I don't know, you refrain from "being your true self" and fall back to wearing clothes which don't apeal to you. Clothes that let you blend into the background of drab gloominess. This is probably done by the majority of men who want to wear skirts, but haven't come so far as to stand up for their rights, knowing that the "wind" might be a pleasurable warm soft summer breeze or it might be a howling wind at times. But standing up to that "wind" if it comes, is better than hiding from it.
Wind being of course the reactions from the community which we THINK can be somewhat dissaproving. Well so what? I don't think men would care what others thought of them if the went any where wearing dirty overalls, hunting clothes, surfer's shorts or whatever, but when it comes to skirts, we become careful, and are very aware of the possibility that someone out there won't understand.

Well it's a pitty, but it's human. We're not all heroes. I haven't a clue as to your situation, so I won't even try commenting. But nevertheless, you apparently have a good combination of clothing in which you feel right, are yourself in, and yet for some reason, you are still affraid of what the big bad world will think of you, even though I think that by reading your lines, it makes you look good, and you feel good, even ""sexy"" in it.

It seems that wearing pants in that situation is only putting up a show for people that aren't even watching. An it's getting you down. I'm no hero myself, but I'm not going to say well done, we'll hide until we're ready for the old people's home. I wish we could get some real true information about the things we are scared about, worry about, the things that keep us from fully being ourselves. So that we can work on that and change that.

I must think about the 60's and early 70's with flower power and the haste to rid yourself of the old ways, to express yourself. That died out, about the same time when the participation in the war in Vietnam was over. We are rekindling the want to be free people, free men again. And still fit into normal daily life. How we are to accomplish that I don't know, but if we get out on the streets, in skirts, and the people see how good we feel in them, it must have a positive effect. So being "sexy" ( looking good) is definitely a good thing.

Peter v
The Netherlands.

[Departed Member]

I have often wondered if "being on display all the time" combined with other social pressures society places on women is part of why women seem to have more mental health issues than men.

Interesting! A total "180" shift compared to the UK.

[SkirtDude]

Looks like my hypothetical is quite the object of discussion.

It could be that I just know more women than men and therefore seem to know more women with mental health issues. I've certainly known men with them too - myself included on occasions when I'm upset, feeling down etc.

Well, off to confront today's Tempest in a Teapot at work .

[Peter v]

Looks like my hypothetical is quite the object of discussion.

It could be that I just know more women than men and therefore seem to know more women with mental health issues. I've certainly known men with them too - myself included on occasions when I'm upset, feeling down etc.

Well, off to confront today's Tempest in a Teapot at work .

Did you ever stop to think, that "healthy minded people "may not see the world for what it is?
If you look good at the world around you, you've got to be strong or blind not to let it get you down. Of course being selective in seeing the wonderful things around you only at times helps keep you sane, wearing a skirt helps too.

Peter v

[RokSterNL]

At this moment I wear real mens skirts, but also denim skirts for women.

I think when we want to wear skirts, it must be possible to wear a kinds of skirts. The only reason why I don't want to wear extra ordinary skirts for women is the next: Most of the people think about transvestism or another gender. When I would like to wear extra ordinary skirts for women, men yell to me. That is the reason I won't wear these skirts at this moment. I would like to wear it. Denimskirts look rough, and I think these ones are a good possiblility to wear. I have four leather skirts too, but I think these ones are too tricky to wear in public. I hope there will be come once a time to wear every skirt without problems. That it is also possible for men to wear every kind of skirt and beautiful boots, shoes. Perhaps I think it won't happens in my life here on earth.

Ladies have taken all the things from the mens wardrobe. A suit, boots, trousers. I hope also to wear short skirts with kneeboots. Why isn't it possible for men to look sexy and attractive ?

Greetings from RokSterNL

[crfriend]

I think when we want to wear skirts, it must be possible to wear a kinds of skirts. The only reason why I don't want to wear extra ordinary skirts for women is the next: Most of the people think about transvestism or another gender.

The reason that thoughts turn to things like transvestism is that blokes wearing skirts -- as guys -- are fantastically rare. So, sadly, if understandably, the viewer's mind turns to something that they think will "explain" the situation. It doesn't matter that the "explanation" is that the guy wearing the skirt just happens to like the garment, or that he's comfortable in it; the viewer cannot be aware of those (very simple) factors, so the viewer's mind automatically turns to what the viewer is "aware" of.

The only way to counter this is for more guys to simply overcome their insecurities and wear skirts in public -- as themselves, in an un-forced manner (i.e. don't go "hyper-masculine" with everything but the skirt; make the whole ensemble work). I don't know if it'll happen any time soon, but one can always hold out hope. As has been touched on in other threads, your typical bloke is fraught with insecurities that prevent him from looking even vaguely different from the masses; it takes some serious guts to deviate from the norm when it comes to clothing. The "pioneers" will (and do) occasionally take a few lumps from witless bystanders (who are openly showing their insecurities to the world), but what's needed are more "pioneers".

When I would like to wear extra ordinary skirts for women, men yell to me.

Yes, it's pig Latin, but, "Non illegitimi carborundum." (Don't let the bastards grind you down.)

By the way, Rokster, I like that sweatshirt in the picture you posted. Very apropo.