Hello from VA

[moonshadow]

After returning home the situation has worsened. I went back to occasionally wearing skirts at home and did venture out once or twice skirted. This has led to my wife being completely hostile to me wearing a skirt at any time and I'm not sure what to do with this. She is generally a compassionate and giving person - her mantras are "Don't be a dick" and "No judgement" which I find admirable, but these do not apply when I wear a skirt. I find this very confusing and difficult to reconcile in my analytical brain. I don't expect an easy or straightforward solution to this. I love my wife and we have made a great life together in so many ways. There are some issues, as I expect all relationships have, but her reaction to me skirting is a great concern - not so much because of the skirting but more so because of the duplicity of her attitude.

Her concerns are valid and should be respected and weighed in the grand scheme of things. It may take time for her to realize that this isn't leading to circumstances like "transitioning to be a woman", and other like matters.

I don't know where you are in life, so I can only speak for my own personal experiences, but I can say that when a man dons a skirt, people around him and in his orbit WILL take notice, and it can have negative reactions in different ways. He may find himself ousted from certain social functions that he was once welcome in. His career may suffer, if he goes to church, that could be a problem.

I enjoy wearing skirts, I like the expression and comfort, and no, I'm NOT afraid to say or admit that I do enjoy the feminine expression that tends to go along with wearing a skirt. I don't think it makes me "less of a man". Quite the contrary, I think it fulfills my spirit as a whole. However despite that, and due to the occasional issues I've have to endure with society in general, there have been many times I wished I had just left the damned things alone. These days, I "dress normal" often because I sometimes I just "want to blend", and be invisible.

Your wife isn't wrong. What you're doing carries a lot of social consequences and should be carefully considered. Only you can decide if it's worth it.

Welcome to SkirtCafe.

[Susie]

Regarding some females reactions (and please do not lump us all in the same catergory, an unfortunate habit I have seen on this site) I had an extremely disturbing reaction to my MIS in a white blouse and black skirt. The only way I can describe it is a wave of physical revulsion that swept over me, which I found hard to put into words but clearly immediately showed in my face.

I do not know where it came from - we have been friends for just over a year now and I have never felt this way before.

A quick change (into a dress) and hug and we both felt better - I'm not certain who was more shocked and rocked by the incident.

[Double_Wasp]

After returning home the situation has worsened. I went back to occasionally wearing skirts at home and did venture out once or twice skirted. This has led to my wife being completely hostile to me wearing a skirt at any time and I'm not sure what to do with this. She is generally a compassionate and giving person - her mantras are "Don't be a dick" and "No judgement" which I find admirable, but these do not apply when I wear a skirt. I find this very confusing and difficult to reconcile in my analytical brain. I don't expect an easy or straightforward solution to this. I love my wife and we have made a great life together in so many ways. There are some issues, as I expect all relationships have, but her reaction to me skirting is a great concern - not so much because of the skirting but more so because of the duplicity of her attitude.

Her concerns are valid and should be respected and weighed in the grand scheme of things. It may take time for her to realize that this isn't leading to circumstances like "transitioning to be a woman", and other like matters.

I don't know where you are in life, so I can only speak for my own personal experiences, but I can say that when a man dons a skirt, people around him and in his orbit WILL take notice, and it can have negative reactions in different ways. He may find himself ousted from certain social functions that he was once welcome in. His career may suffer, if he goes to church, that could be a problem.

I enjoy wearing skirts, I like the expression and comfort, and no, I'm NOT afraid to say or admit that I do enjoy the feminine expression that tends to go along with wearing a skirt. I don't think it makes me "less of a man". Quite the contrary, I think it fulfills my spirit as a whole. However despite that, and due to the occasional issues I've have to endure with society in general, there have been many times I wished I had just left the damned things alone. These days, I "dress normal" often because I sometimes I just "want to blend", and be invisible.

Your wife isn't wrong. What you're doing carries a lot of social consequences and should be carefully considered. Only you can decide if it's worth it.

Welcome to SkirtCafe.

Thanks MoonShadow,
Your comments are well considered and I am trying to take my wife's perspective into account. The current problem for me is reconciling her general life attitude against her willingness to abandon it when dealing with me skirted. This is a discussion we need to have when the time is right. I fear this is an indication of a much deeper problem that we need to explore that will be an undercurrent of our relationship even if I never wear a skirt again. Thanks for your kindness and support!

[crfriend]

Regarding some females reactions (and please do not lump us all in the same catergory, an unfortunate habit I have seen on this site) I had an extremely disturbing reaction to my MIS in a white blouse and black skirt. The only way I can describe it is a wave of physical revulsion that swept over me, which I found hard to put into words but clearly immediately showed in my face.

This is an excellent chance to do some soulful introspection to see if you can identify precisely why you showed those feelings at the time, which you admit surprised you. The fact that you caught yourself reacting to something in that way might yield some guidance as well, because it wasn't just the perceived external event but something within you that interacted with that event to produce the feeling.

I find that when I'm confronted with events like this, I try to file away all the context I can about it, and then go back and think it over a few hours later when I've quieted down. I find that introspection in the heat of the moment is seldom a good idea and that doing it later calms the mind and clears things.

I do not know where it came from - we have been friends for just over a year now and I have never felt this way before.

Something tripped off a chain reaction of feelings that produced your reaction -- find the weak link in that chain, sever it, and that particular problem will lessen in the future

A quick change (into a dress) and hug and we both felt better - I'm not certain who was more shocked and rocked by the incident.

It's nice when people are able to climb down quickly.

[moonshadow]

Your comments are well considered and I am trying to take my wife's perspective into account. The current problem for me is reconciling her general life attitude against her willingness to abandon it when dealing with me skirted. This is a discussion we need to have when the time is right. I fear this is an indication of a much deeper problem that we need to explore that will be an undercurrent of our relationship even if I never wear a skirt again. Thanks for your kindness and support!

Well I'm glad my words were taken nicely. I don't want to sound like a "Debbie downer", but I'd be lying if I said this was an easy path. It does generate some level of drama. It's good to have your spouse on board because believe me, there will be situations where you will need her support.

The good news is you're in a good state (literally). Virginia is just the right blend of progressive, but not to the point where it's crazy ridiculous, a very well rounded state for the most part. I've spent my whole life there, and generally people leave you alone as long as you're not getting in the way of their interests, and I've spent most of my life in the far southwestern part of the state (along the southern I81 corridor, Tennessee line to Roanoke, my youth was in Bedford County, which is where I was born). But yeah, in my humble opinion, one of the best managed states on the eastern coast.

I had a few bouts of drama here and there, but by and large, I thrived in my corner of the state, despite wearing some pretty ridiculous outfits over the years!

Good luck! And enjoy the ride!

[TheSkirtedMan]

Double_Wasp, you have a delicate situation and have my thoughts. Cannot add to what has been said. When the partner objects, really only you both can discuss and try and resolve the way forward.

If it helps with discussions, my wife is supportive and always has been as too with many on this forum. You will also gain sentiment from those in similar position to you. Our friends are fine, the only two that didn't were ejected from my life. Not saying that is your option, friends are different to partners. However it does make a move against a society expectation a bit easier with support.

I have a very active life skirted, and in trousers when more suited to a situation and can honestly say I have no problems. I am honest and do acknowledge a very, very small minority find it amusing, and a can count on two hands actual people who have commented but then that happens in all aspects of life, so why not on this subject. No doubt in your discussions you mention men in skirts in public life, by all means mention me. I too have a public web site since 2012, a different approach to the Everybody Skirts site by a member of this forum, but it's aim is to promote a positive side. I strongly stand by my repeatedly said statement that freedom of choice, expression and individuality applies to all, it's not just a female only privilege. When I have a strong belief I stand by it, taking on board other aspects to the situation but if there is no reason why I cannot then I stand my ground. Life is variety, and there for all.

I hope you also find acceptance in due course within your life. In the meantime you are among like minded individuals on this forum.

As I have an active public skirted life, including volunteering skirted at currently 3 historic houses, need to update my site on this aspect, fell walking, amateur building etc, not always skirted in that aspect, I often forget to look in on this forum but I do wish you all the best. With regards volunteering I like a change after a few years. I am still at one after 6 years but in mid 2024 started at two privately owned establishments going back to 1230 and 1376 respectively so a lot of research and reading is required. The other is a trust based establishment but social events as well as being on duty I am skirted interacting with tens of thousands of public visitors, respected and liked. The two new ones, I am equally respected and at social events. It is possible as many on this forum also experience. Good luck.

[Skirt18220]

Double_Wasp
You mentioned looking at a utility kilt. Maybe your wife will be more accepting of a skirt that has male connotations. Whether that be utility or a tartan type. I still find I get more people interaction when I am wearing a kilt than when I am wearing a skirt. Perhaps wearing a skirt/kilt at home inside on a regular basis might also allow her to get use to it, to become more accepting. Of course sitting down and discussing the issues is never a bad idea.
Good luck

just as an aside. I recently spent 8 weeks in Georgia. I was out and around in public wearing kilts or tartan patterned styled skirts every day and had only good interactions.

[Double_Wasp]

Thank you all for the thoughtful replies. Posting on this forum and reading the replies has helped put some feelings in perspective. I agree - this could take a while if I continue to pursue a life that includes skirts and or kilts. I did bring up the topic of a utility kilt with my wife and she replied - "do whatever you want", but not in an accepting tone - this was discouraging but not unexpected. I've decided to wait until the weather turns warmer before exploring this avenue further. Thanks again all - I'll post an update when there's more to say!

[Uncle Al]

Thank you all for the thoughtful replies. <snip> I did bring up the topic of a utility kilt with my wife and she replied - "do whatever you want", but not in an accepting tone - this was discouraging but not unexpected. I've decided to wait until the weather turns warmer before exploring this avenue further.

Wearing a Utility Kilt is a good, first step. This will get your wife accustomed to the idea.
She will see that it has no bearing on your attitude, and respect, towards her.
She may see the happiness and how relaxed you are, in what ever you're doing.
It's a small step but, a very good step

My wife reacted in a similar way, even when I told her of my Scots-Irish heritage.
She became nonchalant about it after 6 months or so. Then - No Problem.

Have fun and keep us posted

Uncle Al

[Mouse]

I also started with a denim utility kilt from those very manly Utilikilt Seattle based folk https://utilikilts.com. I showed Mrs Mouse their website, with guys chopping lumber in kilts etc, which takes out the female = skirt issue. Also because they are an American start up, there is no requirement to have Scottish/Irish roots or deal with tartan. Mrs Mouse had reservations, including a "NO", but over time I got a "if you must" From there an order was made and in the late summer of 2016 I made my first trip outside as a man in a skirt (denim utility kilt). The only problem is the price of a Utilikilt, but sometimes they have sales, which I think was part of my pitch, when I got the reluctant nod.

I followed my Utilikilt kilt with a black kilt from Stumptown kilts https://www.stumptownkilts.com along with cheaper kilts from eBay. Skirts came along in 2018 when I backed a Kickstarter project for the Aqueous unisex Skirt from Skirtcraft https://www.skirtcraft.com. At this point Mrs Mouse pointed out that normal skirts were very similar and cheaper....The rest is history.

I have a soft spot for the Utility kilt. When my confidence level is low or I want to go somewhere, where I am not sure of the reception, then, I revert back to my camouflage kilt or the black Stumptown kilt.

Small steps and diplomatic negotiations have got me to my happy place. I hope you are as successful at finding yours.

[Double_Wasp]

HI Mouse - Yes, Utilikilts are pricey. They are much more reasonably priced on ebay if the right size/color combination can be found. Interestingly, the used Utilikilts on Ebay look barely used!

[Uncle Al]

If you want a bit lower cost factor, try www.stillwaterkilts.com
They have excellent customer service, fast shipping, good pricing,
and they're made in Bloomington, MN

Cleaning Wash in cold water - HANG TO DRY
(Learned the drying the hard way )


Uncle Al