Getting past fears of being perceived as gay, trans, etc.

[JohnH]

As you all well know, I have folded, spindled, mutilated, and ultimately burned my man-card. Also you know I wear dresses all the time. And yet I have NEVER been harrased or threatened in any way. I get compliments from women occasionally. I live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area of Texas.

John

[Jim]

As you all well know, I have folded, spindled, mutilated, and ultimately burned my man-card. Also you know I wear dresses all the time. And yet I have NEVER been harrased or threatened in any way. I get compliments from women occasionally. I live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area of Texas.

That's great to hear. I only remember one time I'd consider harassment: "Put on some pants!" from someone driving by in a car.

However, to the general public, you usually pass as a woman; with my full beard that doesn't happen, although I've been misgendered from behind a few times (even in pants).

[Chip]

...but this situation may help finding new friends (solidarity with a perceived common point) [...] When you go to a rendez-vous where you need to do a good impression to get something (loan, good car, oral exam, dating, job appointment, etc.) this may do a lot of difference. At an event, the speaker looking for someone to invite with them is more likely to choose the skirted man (same happens for the drunk man looking for someone to speak with in the metro).

Your point on solidarity is a good one, and can happen with other skirted men, trans and queer people, anyone who doesn't conform, etc. – no matter what gender or pronouns they might assume of you.

And yes, the experience is often positive, and sometimes just neutral, yet quite different.

As for struggling with it, this is indeed the main reason why I wear skirts so rarely: entering a long-term relationship with a woman is much more important to me than wearing a skirt (I can't imagine the first to never happen, whereas I would have no problem to accept the second to never happen anymore). The second reason, is quite a consequence of the first, I don't want to put my brother's reputation at risk as we're living 200m from each other.

I'm sorry that you feel the need to wear skirts less because of partner or family reasons. Some men treat their skirt wearing as an intentional filter for partners, but there are so many good people who are fully indoctrinated too.

[Chip]

...Opening the front door was like being in a plane high in the sky about to jump out. I plucked up the courage and quickly opened the door and marched out the house concentrating on my breathing.

Thanks for this visceral image of the early early stages.

Fortunately, I had my headphones on listening to my favourite music so if anyone passing by made a rude comment I wouldn’t have heard their rude comment anyway.

The headphones tip is a good one! And some will let you still hear your surroundings.

[Chip]

I do not care anymore what anyone thinks of me. I have found my happy place and frankly cannot believe that I get to work and play in a skirt every day. There is nothing that I cannot do in a skirt or is barred to me by wearing a skirt. I now see a skirt I like and as long as it is available in my size and not too expensive, I can buy and wear it.

I think age, grown up kids and no more work positions to climb to, help immensely to getting past the fears of being perceived as gay or trans.

That's an amazing place to be! And yes, those three factors are some of the biggest, unfortunately. Hopefully this changes in the next 10 years.

[jamie001]

I don't know why so many people fear being perceived as a gay-homosexual or a trainee.

[Modoc]

I don't know why so many people fear being perceived as a gay-homosexual or a trainee.

Fears are always deemed unjustifiable or irrational by people who don't share them. Whether it's true or not, a significant number of people would rather not be thought of as gay or trans for a lot of reasons specific to them and yet probably fairly common in society. It's sad to think that the fear may be keeping them from enjoying dressing as they might want to, but I'm sure it's a factor for many men. In all honesty, it was for me for a while.

[JPskirt]

As you all well know, I have folded, spindled, mutilated, and ultimately burned my man-card. Also you know I wear dresses all the time. And yet I have NEVER been harrased or threatened in any way. I get compliments from women occasionally. I live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area of Texas.

John

Fellow Texan skirt wearer here too… I’ve worn mine all over in Tx and have never had an issue. Went to a concert in DFW last month and got nothing but compliments the whole time I was in the area.

[JohnH]

I guess in Texas there's the attitude of "live and let live".

John

[phathack]

As you all well know, I have folded, spindled, mutilated, and ultimately burned my man-card. Also you know I wear dresses all the time. And yet I have NEVER been harrased or threatened in any way. I get compliments from women occasionally. I live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area of Texas.

John

Fellow Texan skirt wearer here too… I’ve worn mine all over in Tx and have never had an issue. Went to a concert in DFW last month and got nothing but compliments the whole time I was in the area.

Well that makes 3 DFW Texas are Skirt wearers on this board.

[Uncle Al]

Well that makes 3 DFW Texas area Skirt wearers on this board.

Ummmm... 4 ...I'm in a suburban city, just bordering south west Dallas - Duncanville, TX

UncleAl

[Grok]

I think age, grown up kids and no more work positions to climb to, help immensely to getting past the fears of being perceived as gay or trans.

At this point-in terms of career or romantic options-you have less to lose.

Indeed, at or near retirement age a man will have likely achieved major life goals; these are no longer at risk.

(Or if you haven't, these are now probably out of reach anyway).

[JohnH]

However, to the general public, you usually pass as a woman; with my full beard that doesn't happen, although I've been misgendered from behind a few times (even in pants).

I can wear ordinary men's clothing and yet I don't pass as a man as I have been read as a woman. I REALLY got strange looks while wearing men's clothing and going to a men's restroom.

John

[TheSkirtedMan]

Very interesting article. However, some will have their perceptions regardless of facts, discussions etc. Just be yourself. You can only have so many friends and that is a minute fraction of a percent of the world's population.

If a man in a skirt is gay, trans etc, so be it because that same logic applies to women in trousers.

[Wadar]

I find the biggest hurdle to wearing skirts in public is the one in my head. I have recently built up the courage and confidence to start wearing skirts out and about, but it takes a bit of mental gymnastics. I like the analogy of jumping out of a plane mentioned previously. I just have to say “Let’s do this thing” to myself and take the first step. I have kept this side of myself hidden and closeted for the better part of 40 years. So it’s taking a little bit of deprogramming to get comfortable in my skirt. I’m not overly concerned about violence or threats. I’m 6’ 2” and wear a big bushy beard, so there’s no mistaking me.

Honestly acceptance is probably my biggest hang up. I quit drinking 10 years ago, and there was a major thinning of my social circle when that took place. I learned who my real friends were, and who was just there for the beer. I like to think that in 2024, almost 2025 a person’s sexuality or gender identity doesn’t matter, but it is still a mental battle for me. The only way I see to get more comfortable is to wear skirts more often. Like everything, repetition will make it easier. I’m glad to have found this community, and look forward to the discussions to come.