Oddballs

[Stu]

I share this story for what it's worth. A close friend of my eldest daughter has a little boy aged 7 (call him John) who, last summer, insisted that he was too hot in trousers for school and wanted to wear a cotton dress. He wouldn't be talked out of it so his mum asked the school if it was OK and they said it was. After the summer, he decided he liked dresses and wanted to continue, but this time wearing the school pinafore, which is usually worn in winter with tights. The school was fine with that as well and, I am told, he has said he wants to wear summer dresses this year as well. His mother is now in the process or ordering some in his chosen colours (there are four options, apparently, and they have to be specially ordered). So far so good. John was recently asked - again - if he had been bullied for going to school in a dress. He said he hadn't, but a couple of older boys had "made fun of him", although that didn't seem to bother him and he didn't want the school to do anything about it. When his mum told the school about this, however, they decided they would act in spite of that, but in a way that was discreet. They told her that while it is extremely rare for a boy to wear a dress for school, it certainly wasn't unique, which surprised me! What they did was the arrange for form teachers to hold informal chats with their classes in Year 5 (I assume that's 10-year-olds nowadays) to discuss gender differences and then obliquely get around to asking the kids whether they thought it was OK for boys to wear dresses. It was assumed, rightly as it turned out, that the vast majority of kids would say that was perfectly fine and so those who had tried to humiliate John might reflect on that, and that they are the minority and out-of-step with their classmates. One of the teachers, a rare example of a male primary school teacher in the UK, told John's mum he had asked the pupils directly if they thought boys should be able to wear dresses and they unanimously affirmed that. He then asked for the boys to give their views and they were similarly-minded. It seems nobody has a problem with it, which is encouraging, and hopefully John will have no further problems. Children will always find something about others to tease and anything unusual gives them ammunition.

I asked my daughter if she knew why John was into dresses. Was he questioning his gender? She wasn't entirely sure, except to say that she doubted it was a gender thing because in all other respects he was very boyish. He is fascinated - almost obsessed - by ships, especially military ones, and submarines, and he collects and makes models. He hangs around exclusively with boys who seem to ignore his affinity to dresses. He is also extremely bright at school, especially mathematics. My daughter describes his as a bit of an oddball, with various character quirks, and wonders if he might be what she called "high-performing autism". Maybe the dresses are his way of expressing his individuality, rebelling against the constraints of conformity even at his tender age. If so, more power to his elbow!

[Barleymower]

Stu I don't want jump on any sort of agreement 'me too' bandwagon but it is a similar story with my son, with some exceptions.
He was the one who wanted to try his sisters skirts before I started wearing skirts. I was so conditioned to wear trousers that I could not see any other way for him other than to put the idea of wearing skirts away as not possible. So I told him no way, you are not a girl are you? I said this even though I was envious myself. My daughters tearful admission that she is non binary and I would never understand broken the mould. First I wore a skirt then my son wore one.
He then said he wanted to wear a skirt at the school disco. Which he did and dealt with some jibes from a few boys and one teacher. He's also been back on home clothes day with a mixture of skirt and steam punk. Similarly to your story, he mixes almost entirely with the boys, he's obsession is with the guns and tanks of the ww1 and 2. He does not want to wear the school skirt he says its ugly.

[STEVIE]

Maybe the dresses are his way of expressing his individuality, rebelling against the constraints of conformity even at his tender age. If so, more power to his elbow!

Hi Stu,
My personal experience, less positive but certainly in line with John's.
By the time I was ten, I knew quite categorically that I would have worn skirts and dresses at school if I had been allowed.
Equally, I was also positive that I had no wish to be a girl. That's the nearest words that I could have had to mean non-trans.
What I didn't have was any information or support to be able to openly explore my dreams.
I have no reason to believe that I would score high on the autistic spectrum but in counselling as an adult, I was told there was an element of rebellion in it too.
I'd certainly concur in wishing for the best for any boy who follows this route but sadly most would find it a long hard slog.
Steve.

[GerdG]

By the time I was ten, I knew quite categorically that I would have worn skirts and dresses at school if I had been allowed.

I had it exactly the same way. I envied girls their skirts and dresses.
Once my grand mother told about a boy who, when he didn't behave, was forced by his parents to wear girl's clothes for a shorter or longer period of time. I suppose, she knew the family. She thought it was terrible. I did not ask questions and she never brought it up again.

But it made me start trying to figure out, how it should probably feel like, having to go dressed as a girl day in day out, perhaps in weekends, all summer, when home from school, or even to school. I secretly wished, my parents would do this to me.
They did not, of course.

[STEVIE]

Once my grand mother told about a boy who, when he didn't behave, was forced by his parents to wear girl's clothes for a shorter or longer period of time.

Hi Gerd
I am aware that there is a whole genre of fantasy based on this very premise.
It certainly never happened to me either so I can rule it out for probable cause too.
My awareness began aged 5 and I know the trigger but what primed it is a mystery that I shall die with.
Frankly I am just happy to accept that it is there and I don't have to seek anyone's approval or permission to enjoy my skirts and dresses.
As for John I really do hope that there are loads more like him ready and able to shed the drab that was forced on us at the same age.
Their undoubted courage should be a lesson to the prevaricators who portray themselves as the bold heroes as men in pseudo skirts.
Steve.

[Barleymower]

Stevie the moment I picked up my first female garment is one of my cleaest early memories. What primed it is a mystery. It happened and I can't change it or the years and events that followed.

It is a ongoing challenge to me. I have a strong masculine side and a just as strong feminine side. Nethertheless I am strongly in favour of mens right to dress as they please. I hope numbers of children like John are growing everyday until they out number the rest.

[STEVIE]

It is a ongoing challenge to me. I have a strong masculine side and a just as strong feminine side. Nethertheless I am strongly in favour of mens right to dress as they please. I hope numbers of children like John are growing everyday until they out number the rest.

Hi BM
I know that challenge quite well and part of the answer is to view it as an opportunity.
Take the best of both sides and merge them into the whole as Barleymower or whatever title you care to award yourself.
I don't believe Gniygnay has a copywrite on it, yet?
Men do have a right to dress as they please, that we have proven beyond any shadow of a doubt, exercising that right is actually a responsibility that all men share if they are of the mind to.
The boys like John and your own son are proof positive that it is perfectly achievable and the attitude of their peers, male and female prove that it can be perfectly acceptable too.
They are our greatest hope for a brighter future and as I said, an example for us to follow too.
Ultimately the schoolyard bullies and greater society will just have to learn that we are hear to stay.
Despite possessing the even twosome, I'm quite happy with the Oddball myself.
Makes life so much less boring.
Steve.