That rare male compliment

[Coder]

This one may not count coming from a Real Estate Agent that has shown us a few of his listings, but it seemed genuine: "I like your skirts, where do you get them?" It almost sounded like he would be seeking an outlet to buy his own, though I suspect it was merely a polite addendum to avoid any potentially embarrassing rejoinders. Either my style is improving, or the male of the species is softening a bit on MIS.

You should buy a cheap one in your style and give it to him at your next encounter - set the expectation that he wears it to your next meet . I LOL because it's unlikely he was totally serious and this would be a quick way to see if he was, and the idea of gifting a skirt to a guy you don't even know is a bit off the wall.

(I'm not seriously suggesting this)

[STEVIE]

(I'm not seriously suggesting this)

Yeah, but it is very tempting, is it not?
Call the guy's bluff!
Steve.

[ScotL]

(I'm not seriously suggesting this)

Yeah, but it is very tempting, is it not?
Call the guy's bluff!
Steve.

From my perspective, if I was interested in trying skirts and some guy I didn’t really know we’ll have me one, I think it would be a negative. Dont push me kind of thoughts.

If I was thinking of trying skirts and found a guy wearing them, it’d take a few encounters to build up the courage to ask more about them.

That’s my perspective coming from someone new to wearing skirts.

[STEVIE]

That’s my perspective coming from someone new to wearing skirts.

OK but when you become more experienced and confident you will come to enjoy the questions, discussions and communication that our alternative choices bring.
I certainly do and find it one of the most enjoyable aspects.
Certainly, more than I would ever have had in trousers, and I hope you find that too.
Steve.

[ScotL]

That’s my perspective coming from someone new to wearing skirts.

OK but when you become more experienced and confident you will come to enjoy the questions, discussions and communication that our alternative choices bring.
I certainly do and find it one of the most enjoyable aspects.
Certainly, more than I would ever have had in trousers, and I hope you find that too.
Steve.

You missed my point. If someone offered YOU a skirt, you’d be overjoyed. That’s because you’ve made your peace with the whole skirts-are-for-women problem. You look at the gift from a completely different perspective.

If you offered a skirt to me or someone else who hasn’t made their peace, we’d reject the offer and be put off. This is the perspective I’m offering.

My post had nothing to do with wanting or enjoying questions about wearing a skirt. Though I agree with you, when they’re positive comments or questions, they are interesting.

[STEVIE]

If you offered a skirt to me or someone else who hasn’t made their peace, we’d reject the offer and be put off.

Quite honestly Scott, if I felt that level of dissonance from wearing a skirt, I'd have stayed in trousers.
I have had that "peace" since I was about five years old, the conflict stemmed from societal and parental attitude.
This is a piece of art that I stumbled across quite recently and it resonated very strongly with me, perhaps aged 8 or so.
Gift, had I received that from Santa at that age I'd have thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

[crfriend]

Nice artwork, Stevie. It very nicely shows what the "non-conformant male" can look forward to in his life. Brilliantly expressed.

On the topic of male compliments, I got a very good one from a roadside-assistance guy today on my red skirt/red shoes/purple waistcoat today whilst we were en-route to deal with my car which has a very dead battery.

Sadly, the poor guy had no clue about things like feedback-loops and capacitive voltage-buffering, so didn't understand some of the things I was seeing during the operation, and also did not have the needed battery in the inventory in the back of his van. So I'm out a car until at least Wednesday when the next inventory is slated to arrive.

I don't know what they're teaching kids today, but it seems that automotive mechanical concepts are not amongst them! (Which is really strange in a country whose culture is based on the automobile!)

[ScotL]

If you offered a skirt to me or someone else who hasn’t made their peace, we’d reject the offer and be put off.

Quite honestly Scott, if I felt that level of dissonance from wearing a skirt, I'd have stayed in trousers.
I have had that "peace" since I was about five years old, the conflict stemmed from societal and parental attitude.
This is a piece of art that I stumbled across quite recently and it resonated very strongly with me, perhaps aged 8 or so.
Gift, had I received that from Santa at that age I'd have thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

This is just hammering home my point. You’ve been comfortable wearing a skirt since you were five. Of course you’d appreciate a gift of a skirt.

Now, start thinking about how someone would react if they hadn’t made their peace or more commonly hadn’t even thought about making peace with a man wearing a skirt because they never thought about it.

Most men have never contemplated wearing a skirt. So broaching the subject by gifting a skirt will throw them off and they will be shocked. Given the way men are programmed not to be feminine, they will react negatively.

People do not appreciate sudden changes that question their unquestioned belief system. And in this case, if you asked 100 men, what gender wears a skirt, what would be the answer.

Actively forcing the topic of skirt wearing to a “non enlightened” man will put him off. Wearing a skirt as a man and being confident around an “unenlightened man” will still cause him to question his commonly held beliefs but not by causing him to question his own masculinity.

[STEVIE]

Actively forcing the topic of skirt wearing

Scott,
Presenting a gift to another guy is not "actively forcing"!
That original comment was partly tongue in cheek, but it appears to have gotten under your skin, so let's draw a line under it.
Going, back on track, I am finding that my "male" compliment quotient has risen over the past few weeks.
Ironically, due to the fact that I have met more first-time visitors to Scotland, and they genuinely do not know the difference between a kilt and a skirt.
Now, I really do find that rather amusing!
Steve.

[Coder]

So - hrmm how to state this...

One time I received a tea set as a gift from someone I was doing contract work for - she was probably a heavy tea drinker. I graciously accepted it, but it was a weird gift due to circumstances, that's all I'll say there. There's also that "guy" everyone knows who's obsessed with a topic area - be it television, movies, sports, comics, (never skirts - one can never be too obsessed in that realm ) etc... with so much specific yet useless knowledge that they are "blind to their obvious faults" (stolen from a wonderful song).

The point is - I thought it would be funny because the real estate guy could have several reactions, one being "whoah, this guy is weird, I was just trying to be polite, how do I accept this gift?". Think of yourself as a character actor - you're playing a John Candy role, where you just stomp through life not seeing your effects on others (ie, Planes, Trains and Automobiles). Or perhaps you are living out an "Impractical Jokers" skit, and want to see where it goes.

It's quite possible I've lost everyone with my ramblings. But essentially, it could be a funny "prank" or it could open the guy's eyes a bit. Maybe he'd go home, remark to his wife, and say, "the darnedest thing happened...". She could jokingly say, "Well, you got it, now wear it". Who knows, stranger things have likely happened.

[ScotL]

Scott,
Presenting a gift to another guy is not "actively forcing"!
That original comment was partly tongue in cheek, but it appears to have gotten under your skin, so let's draw a line under it.

Simply put, my point is where you are in skirt wearing and where me and most men are in skirt wearing are vastly different places. A stranger or someone I’m not good friends with gives me a skirt, I’m weirded out. You welcome it. That’s my point. And I think it’s important because if you approach non skirt wearing men from your perspective, it will turn them off from even trying.

Ironically, due to the fact that I have met more first-time visitors to Scotland, and they genuinely do not know the difference between a kilt and a skirt.
Now, I really do find that rather amusing!
Steve.

Exactly. Most people cannot fathom a man wearing a skirt. So he’s wearing a kilt almost regardless of how it looks. And men are allowed to wear kilts as accepted menswear



NB: Sorry but I can’t figure out how to quote just several portions of a quote.

[ScotL]

So - hrmm how to state this...

One time I received a tea set as a gift from someone I was doing contract work for - she was probably a heavy tea drinker. I graciously accepted it, but it was a weird gift due to circumstances, that's all I'll say there. There's also that "guy" everyone knows who's obsessed with a topic area - be it television, movies, sports, comics, (never skirts - one can never be too obsessed in that realm ) etc... with so much specific yet useless knowledge that they are "blind to their obvious faults" (stolen from a wonderful song).

A tea set is a nondescript item. There really is minimal question as to which gender can only use one unless it’s particularly frilly and then maybe. A skirt is loaded with societal norms baggage and people don’t typically gift clothing to strangers because of the need for appropriate sizing. I that I think the two gifts are apples and oranges and your insight into some people being “too into the weeds” is brilliant.

The point is - I thought it would be funny because the real estate guy could have several reactions, one being "whoah, this guy is weird, I was just trying to be polite, how do I accept this gift?". Think of yourself as a character actor - you're playing a John Candy role, where you just stomp through life not seeing your effects on others (ie, Planes, Trains and Automobiles). Or perhaps you are living out an "Impractical Jokers" skit, and want to see where it goes.

We’d all hope it was a positive experience but it’s a matter of perspective. I think right now it’s exceedingly rare to find a man openly wearing skirts. If a guy is open to wearing a skirt but is not openly wearing a skirt, he is dealing with the question of being outed (to borrow a phrase). Accepting a skirt when he’s not expecting to receive one, outs him. The fragile male ego won’t allow that.

It's quite possible I've lost everyone with my ramblings. But essentially, it could be a funny "prank" or it could open the guy's eyes a bit. Maybe he'd go home, remark to his wife, and say, "the darnedest thing happened...". She could jokingly say, "Well, you got it, now wear it". Who knows, stranger things have likely happened.

I think this is one way for men in skirts to go. Not by gifting a skirt but by the wives/SOs of a man getting behind skirts on men. Someone on here said they had data that a higher than average percentage of women were in favor of men wearing skirts. But humans are lemmings. I don’t see a wife buying a skirt from her aisle for her man. But when there are “mens skirts”, the seed has been planted and who knows what happens then…

And Coder, I’m sure you walking around as just a “bloke in a skirt” wearing otherwise masculine stuff is also planting a lot of seeds. So kudos!

[Dust]

So - hrmm how to state this...

One time I received a tea set as a gift from someone I was doing contract work for - she was probably a heavy tea drinker. I graciously accepted it, but it was a weird gift due to circumstances, that's all I'll say there. There's also that "guy" everyone knows who's obsessed with a topic area - be it television, movies, sports, comics, (never skirts - one can never be too obsessed in that realm ) etc... with so much specific yet useless knowledge that they are "blind to their obvious faults" (stolen from a wonderful song).

A tea set is a nondescript item. There really is minimal question as to which gender can only use one unless it’s particularly frilly and then maybe. A skirt is loaded with societal norms baggage and people don’t typically gift clothing to strangers because of the need for appropriate sizing. I that I think the two gifts are apples and oranges and your insight into some people being “too into the weeds” is brilliant.

This is cultural. In the US, tea isn't really a mainstream thing the way it is across the pond. Coffee is. Tea is seen as somewhat feminine. Girls (NOT boys) have toy tea sets. A guy who drinks tea will be accepted just fine, but it's considered unusual, and most will likely drink it out of a regular coffee type mug, not a tea set.

Case in point, I went to college with a guy who loved tea. It was his thing. He was straight, but seen (for a variety of reasons) as rather "metro-sexual," if that term still has meaning. He had fun occasionally making people think he might be gay, and his roommate actually was. His primary tea set was bare cast iron. Not sure you can "butch up" a tea set any more than that. Bare black metal. It was like the Utilikilt of tea sets: durable, weirdly practical, heavier than necessary, blatantly macho, no frills... And yet, it was a tea set.

As to the gifting thing, in college I started wearing kilts around campus after class. There was an annual Christmas party that always included a lot of shenanigans, like a drunken Santa. Drunk Santa gave out gag gifts. One year I missed it, but there was a present for me, that got to me later: a pleated, plaid, mid-calf length, girl's skirt. Clearly from a thrift store, it was entirely too small, even for my relatively thin frame. I wound up giving it to a girl based mostly on her being one of the thinnest people on campus, and it fit her snugly if I remember right.

There's a guy I know who has expressed some interest in a kilt. His wife even asked me for advice getting him one. Might still happen. But I'm not in a position to where I feel entirely comfortable just getting him one myself, though she did get me his pant size, and for a while I was keeping an eye on eBay. Anything less than that level of interest, and I wouldn't dare gift such a thing to another guy.

[ScotL]

So - hrmm how to state this...

One time I received a tea set as a gift from someone I was doing contract work for - she was probably a heavy tea drinker. I graciously accepted it, but it was a weird gift due to circumstances, that's all I'll say there. There's also that "guy" everyone knows who's obsessed with a topic area - be it television, movies, sports, comics, (never skirts - one can never be too obsessed in that realm ) etc... with so much specific yet useless knowledge that they are "blind to their obvious faults" (stolen from a wonderful song).

A tea set is a nondescript item. There really is minimal question as to which gender can only use one unless it’s particularly frilly and then maybe. A skirt is loaded with societal norms baggage and people don’t typically gift clothing to strangers because of the need for appropriate sizing. I that I think the two gifts are apples and oranges and your insight into some people being “too into the weeds” is brilliant.

This is cultural. In the US, tea isn't really a mainstream thing the way it is across the pond. Coffee is. Tea is seen as somewhat feminine. Girls (NOT boys) have toy tea sets. A guy who drinks tea will be accepted just fine, but it's considered unusual, and most will likely drink it out of a regular coffee type mug, not a tea set.

Case in point, I went to college with a guy who loved tea. It was his thing. He was straight, but seen (for a variety of reasons) as rather "metro-sexual," if that term still has meaning. He had fun occasionally making people think he might be gay, and his roommate actually was. His primary tea set was bare cast iron. Not sure you can "butch up" a tea set any more than that. Bare black metal. It was like the Utilikilt of tea sets: durable, weirdly practical, heavier than necessary, blatantly macho, no frills... And yet, it was a tea set.

As to the gifting thing, in college I started wearing kilts around campus after class. There was an annual Christmas party that always included a lot of shenanigans, like a drunken Santa. Drunk Santa gave out gag gifts. One year I missed it, but there was a present for me, that got to me later: a pleated, plaid, mid-calf length, girl's skirt. Clearly from a thrift store, it was entirely too small, even for my relatively thin frame. I wound up giving it to a girl based mostly on her being one of the thinnest people on campus, and it fit her snugly if I remember right.

There's a guy I know who has expressed some interest in a kilt. His wife even asked me for advice getting him one. Might still happen. But I'm not in a position to where I feel entirely comfortable just getting him one myself, though she did get me his pant size, and for a while I was keeping an eye on eBay. Anything less than that level of interest, and I wouldn't dare gift such a thing to another guy.

Yeah, definitely cultural. But outside of kid toys, I guess i dont make a big deal of a guy with a tea set. Yeah, little girls play tea time but adults just drink it. Here in the States not so much as abroad.

About getting gifted a skirt. Do you think they would have given it to you if you hadn’t been known to wear a kilt?

[Dust]

About getting gifted a skirt. Do you think they would have given it to you if you hadn’t been known to wear a kilt?

Absolutely not. And I was cool with it, and actually a bit disappointed it didn't fit, even if it wasn't my style. They might have thought it was a kilt, or close enough. It was plaid. I didn't take it as malicious.

I got a few negative comments in college, but not many. The most memorable was an overheard comment by some girl who thought it was gross that I wore the same one two days in a row.*

The other memorable moment was when I got wolf-whistled by the wife of one of my professors. She was also an adjunct there (I never had her for a class), and probably older than my parents. Not sure you could call it negative, but also not what I was going for. I can look back and laugh now but I was a bit stunned at the time.


* I only owned a few at the time, and never thought anything of wearing the same pair of jeans two days in a row, but the kilt gets noticed, so I try to mix it up now.