skirtcafe.org

Andy_G wrote: ↑Thu Apr 29, 2021 7:54 amI’d read that if you sit in the car waiting for the right opportunity to get out, you probably never will.

I quite agree. I was there once myself. In hindsight, it was all so needless.

I also went out for first time in public with a kilt and while scared to death, got no snide comments or criticisms. A few stares, but nothing that bad. Gives me more confidence to to go out again and add a top or wear a non kilted skirt.

To quote a famous person..
"The only thing you have to fear is fear itself!"
After that there is nothing else to worry about. The fear is only in your mind it is not real but is just imagined.

Fred in Skirts wrote: ↑Tue May 04, 2021 7:04 pm The fear is only in your mind it is not real but is just imagined.

Sorry Fred but the fear itself is only too real for the person concerned. The reason behind that fear may turn out to be imaginary.
They can only confront that fear for themselves and discover the real truth. Sure there is benefit to be had from guidance and assistance but ultimately it is a solo journey.
The truth is that bravery is just the control of fear not it's absence from your thoughts.
Steve.

I agree whole heartedly with everything that’s been said. I live in a place where men all wear hunting jackets, boots and ball caps. I’ve been wearing either a kilt or a mid thigh jean skirt for about 19 years out in public and have never had a negative comment. Most positive comments have been from men. The most notable instance was when I was dropping off a piece of furniture at a used furniture outlet. As a big 6’5” 250lbs burley tattoo’d ‘biker’ looking guy was walking by, the kind you’d think would give you grief, said out of the corner of his mouth “I wish I had the b*lls to wear that!” and just kept going without loosing stride. That was a huge morale booster. Dress well, dress coordinately, don’t look gaudy, and, as Nike says “Just Do It”. It’s very rewarding. Good for you for taking that first very important step!

So, I’ve been out several times since the original post. Each time, with absolutely no negative comments at all. Indeed, people just don’t care!! One person obviously noticed and smirked, but like you all say people just go about their business.

I’ve worn several different outfits, including a midi shirt dress. I actually felt most comfortable in the dress!!

However, I’ve realised that it’s more than just clothes for me. I was easily able to pass as a woman, and felt comfortable in that role. I guess that’s going to open a whole new can of worms

Andy_G wrote: ↑Wed Jun 02, 2021 10:53 pm However, I’ve realised that it’s more than just clothes for me. I was easily able to pass as a woman, and felt comfortable in that role. I guess that’s going to open a whole new can of worms

Hi Andy
That is a whole different deal altogether but it is your journey and you have to decide how you make it.
Somebody said that we regret the things we don't do and there is a truth in that.
Present yourself as yourself, male, female or anything in between and I wish you the very best for the future.
Bon Voyage!
Steve.

Andy_G wrote: ↑Wed Jun 02, 2021 10:53 pm However, I’ve realised that it’s more than just clothes for me. I was easily able to pass as a woman, and felt comfortable in that role. I guess that’s going to open a whole new can of worms

Unless you feel you really are a woman, passing as a woman seems deceptive to me. Just grow some facial hair and then look as womanly as you like without trying to fool anyone.

The healthy option is to portray ourselves as we wish and accept others as we find them.

denimini wrote: ↑Thu Jun 03, 2021 2:59 pm The healthy option is to portray ourselves as we wish and accept others as we find them.

+1

Jim wrote: ↑Thu Jun 03, 2021 10:33 am

Andy_G wrote: ↑Wed Jun 02, 2021 10:53 pm However, I’ve realised that it’s more than just clothes for me. I was easily able to pass as a woman, and felt comfortable in that role. I guess that’s going to open a whole new can of worms

Unless you feel you really are a woman, passing as a woman seems deceptive to me. Just grow some facial hair and then look as womanly as you like without trying to fool anyone.

I wear skirts and even dresses as a man but I also do the whole presenting as a woman thing. I have occasionally asked myself if this is a form of deception and eventually concluded it was not. If I am viewed from a distance, people probably assume I am female as I am very well dressed and can walk like a woman. The only people I interact with know I am male and I am happy for them to know this. I have used ladies' toilets 3 times. The first two times I was in a hotel and asked permission at Reception - they were fine with it. The third time was in a leisure complex (venue for a fashion event) and I had a woman friend with me. No one reacted to me and I was in and out quickly. I don't think anyone has been deceived in any way that matters - why would it matter if a person walked past you that you thought was a woman who turned out not to be? I genuinely believe that no one is disadvantaged by my disguise and I do not use this disguise to achieve anything I would not be able to achieve if I was dressed as a man (apart from these rare use of toilets). I do not identify as a woman even when in full outfit, wig and make up and sitting in a beautician's getting my nails done. It is recreational and it is fun.

rivergauche, to me you are trying to justify yourself in your fully dressing as a woman. If you dress as a woman, with falsies, wig and the rest, look like a woman, walk like a woman and act as a woman then you are trying to deceive others that you are a woman. If as has been said, you are bald and have a serious beard then there's no deception involved. So no matter how you justify it to yourself [0] you are not being honest. Sorry, I'm just describing it as I see it.

[0] Please re-read your entry and it does appear as a justification - and fails.

Sinned - I really don't care if you think I have failed in my justification. I go by my criteria, not yours. This is part of what we do - wearing skirts - our criteria - not those of others. No one is harmed or disadvantaged by what I do - why do you have a problem with this? No one else does that I am aware of.


Edit: 5 June. When I go out in public dressed as a woman I am acting. I am on stage. I am no more guilty of deception than an actor on stage. Yes, it is an illusion, but then so is the bosom of a woman wearing a Wonderbra. So what? Deception has victims. My actions do not. My dressing up is harmless to all and possibly even provides some entertainment for others. I am mystified by hostility to men dressed as women - I have never experienced it myself - but perhaps Sinned could explain to us why anyone is disadvantaged in any way by this or has a right to feel deceived. A problem is being identified that does not actually exist. How exactly does my acting impinge on the lives of others (at all, let alone in a negative way)? It is not as if I am trying to pick up men by deception (I only like women). As the topic headline says, it is no big deal.

I can not imagine where there is any deception except if a person is offering something they can not deliver ....... and I am sure that is not the case here.
If a person is identified in public as a woman then what does it matter to anyone whether they go for a prostrate check instead of a Pap smear.

Fair enough, rivergauche. I agree that my opinion doesn't matter as long as you external perception fits with your internal visualisation. As for acting the role of a woman then if that's your motivation then you become like any other actor playing a role, no less, no more. I have no trouble with your appearing in any way you choose, it's just that your text read more like a justification and wasn't succeeding. Apologies if I misinterpreted, it was not intentional and I didn't want to appear critical If that's what happened then it wasn't my intention. Peace, brother.