I think that is it.

[Pythos]

Last night I was invited by my female friend to come over and hang out. So I just stayed in the leggings I was in, and swapped the raggy old metallica shirt, for my nicer black yin and yang t shirt. Put on some boots, a cap and my trench.

She and I hung out and watched films and played games.

Then I get home. What does my parental unit do. She says to me "I thought we made an agreement that you would not go out in your stretchy pants"

I of course made no such agreement. I did make one where I said to her I would not go out WITH her in them (and funny enough, we have not done anything together since, which was not my doing).

She then said "I don't want you wearing those out and about anymore, you look crazy"

Crazy?

Well I guess it is an improvement over calling me a "faggot" like she used to.

She also implied she would have her friends inform her if they saw me outside the house in them. (gestapo anyone, and her friends are just the sort to do that.)

Moving out is not an option. I do not have the funds for that, and no place is hiring.

So, after 20 some odd years of challenging the fashion boundaries, I am giving up. I am sick of this non-sense. I am getting too old for the kind of stuff I like to wear, and aside from some members of two sites, I have no support.

I wonder how I'll look in khaki?

This is the offending outfit

It is not that great really, it lacks my usual belt, and my hair was a mess. But my silly choice in head wear (opposed to my driving cap, which mom hates me to wear, as well as a waist belt, she hates anything that is not "normal" male.)
Well, here is the offending outfit.

http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5150/556 ... 6dd48f.jpg

Not too goth (sorry for the frown, I was working with limited time to get the pics, and this was the best lit one.). The only things that come close to Gothy is the all black, and the combat boots.

[luvtoskirt]

I think you look great!, wish i could help your situation. It is not fair.

[Milfmog]

Good grief Pythos,

After some of the other outfits you've worn so well your mum finally snapped at that one? Amazing! The leggings are the only part of the outfit that I would not class as everyday bloke out and about stuff, and they are so similar in profile to the ultra skinny-fit jeans many kids are wearing around here as to hardly be visible.

I will not advise you to ignore your mum, indeed given that you are living in her home that would be very discourteous, but please don't stop being yourself. Failing to be true to who you are is a sure fire way of becoming miserable.

There is nothing that I can do by way of support, beyond pushing a few sympathetic electrons in your direction, but I do keep hoping that you will find a way to get your life back on track soon. Having spent 10 of the last 24 months without work myself, I am well aware of how hard it can be to stay motivated, but I firmly believe that a positive attitude helps to manage stress and even if it can not solve your problems it will help you to get through them. I also believe that anyone with enough sense of fun, self-belief and sheer brass neck to wear some of the outfits you've shared with us will come through in the end.

Wishing you all the best, have fun (and I do mean that),


Ian.

[crfriend]

The only word I can come up with to describe your situation, Pythos, is "Ouch!", and the only advice I can offer is to not let it grind on you uncontrollably.

If the "agreement" was that you'd not wear your leggings when out with your mother you can state that; if she offers up Gestapo tactics you'd be within your rights to point that up, and if you're bargaining from a position of strength you can tell her that questioning your sexual preferences is schoolyard trash-talk and is not welcome. The latter bit is what caused me to write off my grandfather after getting hassled one too many times; the next time I saw him he was in a box ready to be buried.

Most of all, don't lose hope; try to believe that things will turn the corner and you'll be out on your own once again and be free to make your own decisions. I understand most of your predicament; at one point in my mid 20s I found myself back under the family roof having been out for six years or so, and it was one of the most uncomfortable situations I've ever been in -- and I suspect it's not much better for your mother than for you; adults have a tendency to behave in ways they see fit, and when parental pressure is exerted on an adult it is usually highly unwelcome.

In short, try to believe that it'll get better, else you'll find yourself on a downward spiral which is a place nobody should be.

Best of luck.

[STEVIE]

Life, for most of us is a series of compromises in one way or another.
At the moment, you see only "khaki" as your future. Maybe, but I'd bet that, if you think it through, you'd see that your own "khaki style" is a
possibility.
I will not comment on your Mother's attitude. That is between you and herself.
Regardless, of what you decide, I would always welcome your comments on anything that I post here, in fact, I am still waiting.
Regardless of your chosen style, your opinion still matters here. In this, I presume to speak on behalf of a lot of us.
Steve.

[JRMILLER]

"Super Yin" or is it "Super Yang"?

[Pythos]

Yet, another superhero reference!!!

I am learning to hate that movie Kick ass.

[JRMILLER]

Sorry man, couldn't resist. I am thinking you are a superhero at heart.

It's time to let the superhero emerge, do what you need to do to find an income and take responsibility for your life.

You already knew that....

[Pythos]

No issues.

I honestly did not see how much the Yin and Yang symbol does look like the super man "S". Totally not my intention.

Darn that is my favorite shirt too. Ah well.

I wore Khakis to work, and the reaction by my co-worker was "I hate it". LOL. I did too. They are not all that bad to wear, but for me, just not me.

I have decided to once again talk to mom about these "agreements" made. The only one I made was that I would not go to functions with her wearing my stuff.

[Since1982]

Unfortunately, me lad, as long as it's HER house and SHE pays the bills and YOU'RE over 18, you're going to have a rough time trying to get her to do things your way. Of course there IS the choice of moving out and supporting yourself. As long as you live at her behest tho, it's probably going to be HER way and HER rules.

Living by and supporting yourself is very liberating.

[Skirt Chaser]

Oh Pythos, I'm so sorry the cost of your lodging is her clothing approval. Even if you weren't living with your mother is would be hard enough hearing her displeasure at your style. In your case it also cuts you off from the much needed joyful activity of outfits that lift your spirits. I wish she understood your style does not reflect badly on her but says instead that she raised a creative and gutsy son.

[DALederle]

Pythos:
I beg you to remember that each new generation comes up with what it thinks is original thinking on a wide variety of subjects, only to discover,e only later on that others were there first.
When I was teenager Black "Penny Loafers" were worn, as a fad, with white socks. And we, myself and other young men wearing them,were told that YOU NEVER wear white socks with black shoes. Even with brown shoes they were frowned on. White socks were ONLY worn with gym shoes. So everyone was outraged and my dad yelled at me for being "a punk" when he saw me.
He also yelled when I styled my hair in what was called a "duck tailed" hair style. It was how Elvis Presley wore his hair.
Ten years later it was the Beatles look that the grown-ups were outraged by.
In between were blackleather jackets as worn by Marlon Brando.
We all seek out own identies. We all (each generation) find ways to make us different from our parents, etc.
But take a good look at the old hippies now. Business suits and briefcases for most of them. So maybe it's you turn to accept your moms restriction while you live with her and then figure out if you fit in better that way.
Later, when you gain freedom to leave and be on your own you can decide to go back to your goth roots or even take a new direction you haven't considered yet. It's just life!
It's always up to you to make the best of things that you can. Remember, the only thing someone else can change about you is their attitude toward you. That applies to you too. The only you can change about your mother is your oppinion of her. I think you must moderate your anger while you need to llive under her house rules.
I know you want to here some magic words that will change her, but there are none.
I wish you well, no matter what you decide to do in your life.
Dennis A. Lederle

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!

[Pythos]

well, I had a chat with her.

Turns out she was under a lot of stress, and very woried about her rising blood pressure. I made clear that I never did, nor would I ever allow limits on my attire when I am out on my own, or with my friends. I only agreed to limit my style when out with her. That was accepted.

We had a long chat and I learned much of what has been bugging her, and had little to do with me. It is work related, and it kinda boiled off to the home front.

Things are cool now. I did get my hair cut, she says it looks good, but that I only needed to have styled what I had (now she tells me, arg)

So when it grows back out, I will just have better management of it.

All seems good. Thank you for the kind and thoughtful responses.

[crfriend]

That's good news all the way 'round, Pythos.

Sorry about the hair, but, as you say, it'll grow out again -- and you've got tacit approval for longer styles just so long as you keep up with it on maintenance.

I'm glad that your mom came clean with you about the stress; that's a corrosive force, and it's one that can manifest itself in many ways, and at times when it's least appropriate. Hopefully both you and our mom learned something from this and things will be better going forward.

Hang in there.

[DALederle]

Pythos:
The fact that you were able to sit down and talk things through with your mother is fantastic! Good for you. I hope you can keep dialog going with her in the near future.
There were so many things I needed to talk to my parents about, before they passed on, and my clinical paranoia prevented me from bring up issues I really need to have discussed. Years of therapy later I still haven't found answers to all my question or had all my issues resolved.
I can only encourage you to talk more with your mother and be sure you listen to and try to understand her points too. Maybe by being a good listner you can get her to listen closer to your thoughts too!
But either way, you gain nothing unless you try.
Why not get her to read some post here?????????????

Dennis A. Lederle

Live Long and Prosper!