Conflict Resolution at SkirtCafe

If you're new to the Cafe, please grab a seat by the potted palm, settle down with a nice big latte, and tell us a little bit about yourself. Please also look here for forum principles and rules.

Conflict Resolution at SkirtCafe

Postby Bob » Sun Dec 16, 2007 3:17 am

Hello,

I'd like to call everyone's attention to a new rule I just added:

7. If you think another member has broken the rules or has otherwise done something out of line, please consider sending email or a private message a moderator. Moderators have the final say on what is or is not appropriate on SkirtCafe.

I cannot name specifics. But from time to time, we get the following:
1. Person A posts something.
2. Person B thinks it was inappropriate and PM's to person A.
3. Person A gets peeved and PM's to a moderator.
4. Moderator now has to sort out a lot of acrimony between A and B, as well as make a judgment on the original posting.

If you think someone else posted something inappropriate, please just keep it simple and notify a moderator. That's either Bob or crfriend. It's usually not a big deal to sort out the matter at that point; either to tell person B that it really was OK, or to chat with person A in case it was not OK.

In general, we respond to private messages in private, and to public messages in public.

Of course, this is not to deny anyone freedom of association here. Members are free to PM anyone they like (but keep it civil, or else I will receive complaints).

Let's face it, in any community, we'll like some people more than others. We're not best friends with everyone and that's OK. People have intrinsic worth, and deserve our respect, whether or not we like them. Before sending a PM off to someone you may not be on best terms with, please just consider first whether talking with a moderator might save everyone a bit of heeadache.

Thanks,
-- Bob
Bob
Barista Emeritus
 
Posts: 587
Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2003 9:31 pm
Location: New England

Re: New Rule

Postby crfriend » Sun Dec 16, 2007 3:42 am

Bob wrote: Before sending a PM off to someone you may not be on best terms with, please just consider first whether talking with a moderator might save everyone a bit of headache.


I'd like to amplify this facet just a little bit.

In general, before you hit the "send" button, review your message. Does it precisely convey your intent? If misread or misconstrued, is it likely to cause needless offense? If the intent is to cause offense, are you sure you want to? Absolutely sure?

Recall that sending a written message is not like making a snide crack at someone in person: there is no way to instantly recall your comment if it's misunderstood. If the intent to enrage or inflame is active when the message is written, it's frequently best to sleep on the idea; stash the message someplace, re-read it in the morning, and if you still feel the same way, then send it.

Additionally, it bears mentioning that once a message leaves your computer, it's pretty much fair game as to how it gets used elsewhere. Be proud of your writing, because in "cyberspace" you can never be too sure when or where you might find your on-line musings.
Retrocomputing -- It's not just a job, it's an adventure!
User avatar
crfriend
Master Barista
 
Posts: 10662
Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2004 9:52 pm
Location: New England (U.S.)

Re: New Rule

Postby Milfmog » Sun Dec 16, 2007 1:04 pm

crfriend wrote:In general, before you hit the "send" button, review your message. Does it precisely convey your intent? If misread or misconstrued, is it likely to cause needless offense? If the intent is to cause offense, are you sure you want to? Absolutely sure?

Carl went on to write:
...it's frequently best to sleep on the idea; stash the message someplace, re-read it in the morning, and if you still feel the same way, then send it.

These are wise words, they merit careful consideration and recall before hitting the send button.

By way of illustration I offer the following:
Some years ago an email list of which I was a member descended into an all out flame war that lasted weeks. The cure was the list owner forcing a self check; when messages were sent they were returned to sender who then had to confirm he wanted to send it before it went to the list. The moderator had the facility to adjust the delay for the initial "Are you sure" reply to each individual if required. Within hours the list calmed down and although firmly held views were still expressed forcefully the wars never again reached the intensity they had had previously.

I am not advocating a change to the way the board works (even if that is possible on phpBB) just pointing out that sometimes a little reflection and self censorship can avoid our message getting drowned in the noise of gunfire.

So please try these simple steps, especially if someone has just irritated you:

:arrow: Compose your post
:arrow: Preview it and polish as required
:arrow: Go and make a cup of tea / drink a beer / fuss the cat (or kiss your SO)
:arrow: Preview your post again (and check for any other replies that may have arrived in the meantime)
:arrow: Then, and only then, submit your post.

We all have opinions here, we do not always agree with each other and that's fine, but we will all get so much more out of life if we can stay respectful of each other.

Have fun,


Ian.
Do not argue with idiots; they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Cogito ergo sum - Descartes
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - Ambrose Bierce
User avatar
Milfmog
Moderator
 
Posts: 2230
Joined: Tue Jul 18, 2006 7:30 pm
Location: Buckinghamshire, UK

Postby AMM » Sun Dec 16, 2007 1:21 pm

The idea of previewing your post, then going away, and then coming back later, makes sense. When I see a posting here that makes my blood boil, I generally go away and wait 24 hours before responding. Usually, someone else has posted a better response, or I decide it isn't worth the bother of putting together a coherent post. Sometimes I take a vow of not posting anything for a week, if I think I'm getting "post-itis."

One minor difficulty with composing, waiting, and returning is that you can't do it in precisely this way with the current SkirtCafe software. There's no way to "save" a post for later re-editing, before posting, and if you go away from your previewed but not submitted post for too long, you get logged out.

One way around this is to compose the post elsewhere (e.g., with "vi"), and then cut-and-paste it into the browser window when the time comes. The main difficulty I've run into there is that the SkirtCafe software prefers paragraphs not to have line breaks whereas "vi" doesn't like long lines, and that X tends to drop text if you cut-and-paste too much at once.

So when I'm lazy (like right now :) ), I end up just going ahead and engaging in "unprotected" posting, heedless of the consequences.
User avatar
AMM
Member Extraordinaire
 
Posts: 841
Joined: Tue Feb 28, 2006 4:01 pm
Location: Thanks for all the fish!

Re: Conflict Resolution at SkirtCafe

Postby Departed Member » Sun Jul 13, 2008 4:04 pm

I've also found it's unfortunately impossible to save a previewed post. I agree with AMM. If there is an issue that requires more than just a few words, it is best to give it some time and space. Just lately, though, that has become more and more difficult as some of the newer(?) members appear to be flagrantly abusing the forum's rules, as in openly advocating 'wearing women's clothes' or promoting 'women's underwear', etc., etc. I've tried to challenge this movement, away from the forum's admittedly unique direction, in an open way, but having run up against the "PC brigade", have had no alternative but to raise my sincere concerns, as outlined here by Bob, with the moderators.
Departed Member
 

Re: Conflict Resolution at SkirtCafe - Saving Drafts

Postby Kris » Sun Jul 13, 2008 4:42 pm

merlin wrote:I've also found it's unfortunately impossible to save a previewed post.


According to the phpBB 3.0 manual (which is often unclear, and in a draft form with much left "to do"). I can click the "Save" button while composing a post and come back to it later.
Then go to the User Control Panel and select "Manage drafts" on the Overview tab. Then either click "View/Edit" to edit that draft some more, and save it again as a draft, or click "Load Draft" to edit and post it.

Kris

From the manual:
5.3.1.3. Drafts
Drafts are created when you click the 'Save' button on the New Post or Post Reply page. Displayed are the title of your post, the forum or topic that the draft was made in, and the date you saved it.

To continue editing a draft for future submission, click the 'View/Edit' link. If you plan to finish and post the message, click 'Load Draft'. To delete a draft, check the box next to the draft you wish to remove and click 'Delete Marked'.
Kris
Member Extraordinaire
 
Posts: 236
Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2008 12:53 am
Location: Northeastern US

Re: Conflict Resolution at SkirtCafe

Postby Since1982 » Mon Jul 14, 2008 2:14 am

Here's my 2 cents worth. As far as I know, nearly everyone has "new text document" somewhere in their computer, I keep mine right out on my desktop, anytime I pose a response or original post or create a PM I do it first on a new text document and re-do it as many times as I think I need to until it's definitely ready to send. Just open a text document, type in what I want, edit it as many times as is neccessary, saving it in between by making it save as >> example.txt until I have it exactly right, then copy it, paste it into the copy area and send it. Didn't you all ever wonder why I never have misspelled words or incorrect phrases in my posts? I'm just as fallible and human as the rest of you, I just take the time to spellcheck everything I'm worried about at AOL (which is on my taskbar all the time) or check phrases at a Thesaurus site I like. Get everything exactly right and then post or pm it. I've done this with this post as well. :thewave: :thewave:
I had to remove this signature as it was being used on Twitter. This is my OPINION, you NEEDN'T AGREE.

Story of Life, Perspire, Expire, Funeral Pyre!
I've been skirted part time since 1972 and full time since 2005. http://skirts4men.myfreeforum.org/
User avatar
Since1982
Member Extraordinaire
 
Posts: 3449
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 2:13 pm
Location: My BUTT is Living in the USA, and sitting on the tip of the Sky Needle, Ow Ow Ow!!. Get the POINT?

Re: Conflict Resolution at SkirtCafe

Postby r.m.anderson » Mon Jul 14, 2008 4:15 am

You could also use the PREVIEW function (button between the SAVE and SUBMIT buttons) to preview
your reply and go back and make any changes and then preview again before sending/submitting.
I do not know of a forum that is without this function.
Of course you must be logged in to use the post a reply and with some forums have a profile feature
in addition to be logged on. The SkirtCafe is real easy in this respect. Log in; Post; Preview and
Submit.
"KILT-ON"
rm
"Kilt-On" -or- as the case may be "Skirt-On" !
WHY ?
Isn't wearing a kilt enough?
Well a skirt will do in a pinch!
Make mine short and don't you dare think of pinching there !
User avatar
r.m.anderson
Member Extraordinaire
 
Posts: 1927
Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2004 6:25 pm
Location: Bloomington MN USA


Return to Introductions

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests