A leap into the water

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TheRod
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Re: A leap into the water

Post by TheRod »

Also, for people in general, context and expectation counts for a lot. Most men wear improvised skirts quite often and no one thinks anything of it, least of all the wearer. I refer to the popular wrap round skirt that is a towel. Along the coast here in summer as it is now, it is a very common sight. (Meanwhile I wear a short kilt or miniskirt).
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skirtingseattle
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Re: A leap into the water

Post by skirtingseattle »

Welcome to the Cafe.

There is so much to understand about ourselves that it can seem overwhelming. How we feel about ourselves when we wear certain types of clothing, and how we want others to see us when we wear that clothing, can seem like an unfathomable mystery. It is a highly subjective experience that is not unique across humans, just look at the members of this forum. However, each of us are on our own journey of self-discovery to answer the question "Who am I?"

I am 59 and have had a fascination with women's clothing since before puberty, and as a young man in high school and college, I experimented with wearing women's clothing and underwear. I was not highly introspective of my own thoughts and feelings at the time, and no shame whatsoever, it just became an integrated part of my life with mostly a drawer full of panties. When I began my relationship with my current partner and wife of 30 years just out of college, I gave this up, but there was a lingering sense of loss (nothing I could have put into words that would have made sense to me or anyone else).

Fast forward to 12 years ago to a time when I was working insane hours, feeling trapped in my job, powerless in my life and inundated with responsibilities, that I started to secretly wear knickers. My wife found out in short order and there was a bit of tension in the relationship for about a year until one day during lunch, I walked into a store in downtown Seattle and saw a denim miniskirt. With absolutely no hesitation I pulled what looked like my size off the rack and headed to the fitting room. There was no trepidation and I really liked what I saw in the fitting room mirror. When I was done, I put the skirt back and headed back to work.

Months later my wife was going to be out of town for several days, and on the evening of the first day I went to one of the local bigbox clothing stores and bought a different looking denim miniskirt and took it home to try it out. I put together a sporting ensemble, liked what I saw in the mirror, and jumped into the car and went out for several hours to store after store in the big mall. When the weekend was over, I knew that I was fundamentally in a different and new phase in my life. The challenge was how do I broach the subject with my wife. I decided to place the miniskirt in my dresser where she was bound to find it, and she did. On that day, I thought my marriage of 18 years was over as she stormed out of the house. Before she left she yelled at me at the top of her lungs, "What were you thinking?" My only answer was "I wasn't thinking, I was feeling."

We are still together, but I saw a therapist for a year to help me ask myself all the tough questions: Am I gay? Am I trans? Am I bi-sexual? etc. and then we did weekly couple's therapy for 6 years. The results of the individual therapy were: I am a heterosexual man that likes to wear female clothing most of the time for how it makes me feel and how I want others to see me. The six years of couples therapy helped me to understand the incredible change I was asking my partner to make with me. My change was causing her to question her own identity: "Who am I if I am married to a cross-dressing man? Was it all a lie? Was I a fool? Am I still a fool hanging on to this relationship? What changes are yet to come? Am I big enough to love a man regardless of the clothing he wears? I though I was open-minded, but the reality of my own situation is challenging this fundamental assumption of my own character."

My wife is 100% OK with me wearing sport kilts out-and-about, but my miniskirt wearing is restricted to the house. I wish I could go out freely in my miniskirts, but this is the compromise my wife and I have arrived at that maintains our relationship. I hope one day this will change, but for now, I have made my peace.

Stay safe.

Chris
Faldaguy
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Re: A leap into the water

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by skirtingseattle » Sun Dec 20, 2020 1:43 pm

Welcome to the Cafe.

There is so much to understand about ourselves that it can seem overwhelming. How we feel about ourselves when we wear certain types of clothing, and how we want others to see us when we wear that clothing, can seem like an unfathomable mystery. It is a highly subjective experience that is not unique across humans, just look at the members of this forum. However, each of us are on our own journey of self-discovery to answer the question "Who am I?"
There is a lot of truth in your post; and a lot of 'heartbreak' as well. It is great that you have both been able to come to some understandings, but at such great emotional expense along the way. I'm reminded of the song; "Fifty ways to leave your Lover" and though I cannot recommend leaving a mini-skirt or panties for a spouse to 'find' -- I guess it is one way to break the ice. Fortunately for you it worked out; but I would sure encourage more men to just explicitly engage their spouse in some exploratory conversation, honestly declaring an attraction to the variety and comfort that women's wear offer, and wondering why it is so "forbidden" for men to have the same freedom. There can be a thousand variations on this. I had a lucky introduction in that my wife and daughter gave me my first "skirt" (a swim wrap, similar to the towel you mentioned) and not only was it convenient, comfortable and utilitarian -- it gave me most of the sensations of what wearing skirts would be like in a 'public' venue. Many of us have some such convenient opening for an exploratory conversation. Perhaps remembering the amazing power of truth and respect in relationships may help buck up the courage.
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Sinned
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Re: A leap into the water

Post by Sinned »

So, Chris, after all that psychoanalysis you were basically told that you are a sexually normal man that likes to wear women's clothing for entirely practical reasons. Seems like a waste of money on your part. I suspect that you wife got more out of it than you did. I suspect that if MOH and I were to go a similar route the results would be very similar. She may reach a similar plateau of acceptance but I don't think that her acceptance of me would be total much like your wife. Thank you for your honest appraisal as it puts my situation more in perspective.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
rode_kater
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Re: A leap into the water

Post by rode_kater »

skirtingseattle wrote:
Sun Dec 20, 2020 7:43 pm
"What were you thinking?" My only answer was "I wasn't thinking, I was feeling."
Wow, this is the perfect line. I have to remember this.

It is a bit odd how men sometimes get a lot of flak for not 'feeling" enough, yet the moment you start acting on feelings, people get all upset.

Your story is eerily familiar, though I'm a generation behind and nowhere near as dramatic. I've hung around in the Reddit crossdressing forum and that wearing particular clothes can cause an identity crisis in your partner is common theme, unfortunately. Parents are unfortunately the other common problem. Are you gay/transgender/etc are really common questions. I attribute this to LGBT stuff being very prominent in the last few years whereas fashion freedom barely gets a mention. I think it's changing though.

I think it's Esther Perel with her comments about "the century of the man". She gets a lot of flak for that too, but she has a point.
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TheSkirtedMan
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Re: A leap into the water

Post by TheSkirtedMan »

Hello midimaxi.

I am an in frequent visitor to this site, last time July, 2020. When on I only quickly scan titles that may catch my interest, get bored when the thread is long or diverges off subject. Always quickly look at introductions. As always with this site welcome.

Your opening post intrigued me. 10 years ago I went to a Counsellor about society, attitude and that did include the wearing of skirts, a mans invasion of female labelled wardrobe questioned, yet not for female to the male wardrobe. I did go public and quiet honestly never looked back, wished done it many many years earlier. I only wear society still labelled male clothes when practical, i.e. my one day a week commercial gardening, most DIY and most fell walking. I noticed at the moment you do not wear skirts locally, that is another separate hurdle but quiet honestly once done it is no different to the hurdle of going public. I live very rural, very conservative, not just politically, when it comes to modern expectations of men and my GP 10 years ago said do not do it locally. I did and I still do. Many, many talk to me, wave, yes a few have stopped but they are not important. Builders, gamekeepers are among the many who talk, wave, interact and yes while I am in a skirt. Theaters, restaurants, Doctors, Dentists even hospitals visitor and patient I always go in a skirt when out and about in public including shopping, tourist whatever. I volunteer as a Room Steward at a Historic Hall, do group tours for the Hall always in a skirt, always dressed in items from the female wardrobe, but as a man, speak as a man, behave as a man, I simply prefer character, colour and personality to my clothing. I believe in freedom of choice, expression and individuality, all aspects shown to me by my counsellor. And I grabbed it by the neck and went for it. Yes, hesitant initially, but confidence grows. Friends happily go out and about with me and many new friends since I started to wear skirts 99% of the time.

Be you, be yourself is what I live by. No body is perfect in the eyes of another is the quote and yes some will question me from a distance but then everybody is questioned by others for many an aspect. I have this embedded in my mind, it gives me the strength and confidence. After all, many women say no one will tell them what to wear or how to appear.

I do not doubt your confidence, it will continue to grow in the next few months. Your photo of yourself shows an outfit similar to me. I wish you luck, and good will with your new found you. It sounds like you have a supportive family and partner and that is a great asset. Involve yourself in the real world. When I first started I was very active on the internet but these days little. I only use social media as a promotion of me, a man in a skirt who is no different to anyone else especially women in trousers but above all others keen to express themselves, so I do too. I find the real world is a great rewarder for men in skirts and over these last 5 years I spend only about 10% of my time online regarding men in skirts and then to let others know we are here.

Good luck and hope your ongoing skirt outings continue to go well.
Be yourself because an original is worth more than a copy.
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