Non Participant

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Non Participant

Postby hoborob » Sat Jan 20, 2018 1:05 am

I have not looked at this forum now for quite a while. I have reached the point where I feel very unwelcome and have no desire whatsoever to even look at or comment on any discussions made here. As I have been advised that I do have the constitutional right to ignore folks here and I find that most of discussion center around what those folks are doing, and that no one is allowed to disagree with them I have now for the most part decided that I will no longer participate here. If I look in again in the future and find that a more welcoming environment has been reestablished I may again participate but for now I will not be posting or even looking at anything on the café. So I will bid you all good fortune and I'll check you later....Maybe.
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Re: Non Participant

Postby oldsalt1 » Sat Jan 20, 2018 1:13 am

Sorry you had some problems. I sometimes get involved with the wrong things I hope I wasn't the cause for your departure. I am especially going to miss your avatar :oops: .Take care give it another try when you are ready
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Re: Non Participant

Postby Caultron » Sat Jan 20, 2018 2:55 am

Sorry you didn't feel welcome, hoborob. I hope nothing I said contributed.

It's your right to go silent, of course, but if there's anything here that needs to be fixed, please tell us what it is, because I don't believe anyone here intentionally tried to harm or insult you. But I guess you feel differently, so please tell us how.
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: Non Participant

Postby Sinned » Sat Jan 20, 2018 10:05 am

hoborob, I don't know where you get the idea that no-one is allowed to disagree! There have been many, many discussions where disagreements have occurred, occasionally to the point where the management here have had to call in the bouncers to calm things down. It's inevitable when you get together such a diverse group, not only from different age groups but from different parts of the globe too. Of course, feel free to just look in and sample the ambience only but I feel fortunate ( i initially typed fartunate and I'm really not sure I mistyped!!!! ) to be part of such a group with such little friction going on. The site will be sadder for your non-contributions because you have had some good input and I have received much strength and knowledge from contributions here. Please don't be a stranger to us - life is too short to hold grudges and whilst I may not agree with everything that happens here - I'm not comfortable with heels yet and some stray much too far to the girly side that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate what they say and their right to say it. :D
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: Non Participant

Postby crfriend » Sat Jan 20, 2018 3:41 pm

I'm sorry I didn't catch this before there were any responses as I usually divert "flouncing posts" to a non-visible spot so I can keep a count. This is because "flouncing posts" (where a newly-declared ex-member departs in a huff and with a parting shot) add no substance or value to the forum or the experiences of the community members.

If you're going to flounce, don't. Do the dignified thing and simply walk away. Taking a parting shot is merely juvenile.

A bald fact of life -- it's not even a truth -- is that we are going to have disagreements with people all the time. It is an inevitable consequence of being social. If you want to live in a space where everybody agrees with you on everything all the time, you're going to find it a very isolating and boring place. If you're to learn anything in life, sometimes you have to revel in the disagreements -- and how we disagree with one another says volumes about the quality of our character.

So, don't flounce. It says vastly more about you than the community or the members of the community.
Retrocomputing -- It's not just a job, it's an adventure!
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Re: Non Participant

Postby Gusto10 » Sat Jan 20, 2018 8:26 pm

I do think that if hoborob feels unwelcome, such signal should be taken serious. I don't know how many members there are, but I have the feeling that the discussions are conducted within a small group. Interaction does lacks at times. And some discussions aren't in my humble opinion a contribution to the idea of getting skirts worn by men accepted.
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Re: Non Participant

Postby skirtyscot » Sat Jan 20, 2018 11:47 pm

Gusto10, that is all true. A large fraction of the posts are made by a small number of people. But that is inevitable, I reckon. It's down to how people behave. What is more important is whether new people are made welcome and can join in. And on that score, the site does just fine.

Next step after that is whether people feel that they are being pushed out. Some will lose interest altogether, early on or when they think they have run out of ways to say "I wore a skirt and it was great and nothing bad happened to me"; that's bound to happen. Some will feel that not enough of the topics are on the skirts they might wear or want to see. So they feel marginalised. The solution is to start topics that they do want to contribute to. Or to steer existing threads off in the direction they prefer! Now and again people feel they are receiving too much negativity; that's not so good. We should all avoid dishing it out, but there is always the option of ignoring threads that you think are getting too heated.

Many of the outfits are for the advanced skirt-wearer. Most guys start with a kilt or plain denim skirt, and it's true that pictures of floral outfits are not going to win many converts to skirt-wearing. But we're not here to run a campaign focussed on winning converts, we're here to chat about anything to do with men in skirts (or the occasional dress). Spreading the word is only part of it.
Keep on skirting,

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Re: Non Participant

Postby skirtyscot » Sun Jan 21, 2018 12:11 am

Hoborob, I don't know why you think disagreement isn't allowed. What is it that you feel you can't disagree about? If it's guys' outfits, I'd say you're wrong. I suspect that mostly when one member dislikes another member's picture, he says nothing. But negative comments are made, ranging from "not for me, but wear it if you like it" to "no, just no", and nobody takes the hump. On other matters, no need to tread on eggshells, disagree however you please, so long as you remain civil.

If you don't want to join in with threads started by prolific posters such as Moonshadow or Oldsalt1, start your own!
Keep on skirting,

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Re: Non Participant

Postby Ray » Mon Jan 22, 2018 8:52 am

The only sharp disagreements I could find were about whether or not one should leave the USA if one didn't like it (as opposed to staying and trying to change it). Nothing else that looked vituperative or nasty.
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Re: Non Participant

Postby Sinned » Mon Jan 22, 2018 11:52 am

Ray there have been other topics where things got a bit heated and the moderators had to call in the bouncers. But hey, that's life. I don't think that any group can live in complete harmony always. Except in Coke adverts, of course.
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Re: Non Participant

Postby Ray » Mon Jan 22, 2018 4:33 pm

Yes, I guess it's a consequence of passion and self-belief amongst other things. What's key to me is that our drive for fashion equality and choice should bind us more than our personal beliefs that may otherwise separate us.
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Re: Non Participant

Postby Daryl » Tue Jan 23, 2018 2:55 am

Ray wrote:Yes, I guess it's a consequence of passion and self-belief amongst other things. What's key to me is that our drive for fashion equality and choice should bind us more than our personal beliefs that may otherwise separate us.


YES, Ray. We are a bunch of real guys, not monolithic skirt fans. We choose this thing we have in common to define our online community but within that community everything else should be real, even conflicts, otherwise it's just an echo chamber. IMO the only thing this forum should be a "safe space" for is the principle of the legitimacy of skirts (and the like) on men. Even types and styles of skirts, and reasons for wearing them, should not be safe-spaced, IMO.
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Re: Non Participant

Postby Daryl » Tue Jan 23, 2018 3:02 am

crfriend wrote:I'm sorry I didn't catch this before there were any responses as I usually divert "flouncing posts" to a non-visible spot so I can keep a count. This is because "flouncing posts" (where a newly-declared ex-member departs in a huff and with a parting shot) add no substance or value to the forum or the experiences of the community members.

If you're going to flounce, don't. Do the dignified thing and simply walk away. Taking a parting shot is merely juvenile.

A bald fact of life -- it's not even a truth -- is that we are going to have disagreements with people all the time. It is an inevitable consequence of being social. If you want to live in a space where everybody agrees with you on everything all the time, you're going to find it a very isolating and boring place. If you're to learn anything in life, sometimes you have to revel in the disagreements -- and how we disagree with one another says volumes about the quality of our character.

So, don't flounce. It says vastly more about you than the community or the members of the community.


Arggggh! There's that morphed acquired meaning of "flounce" threatening to swallow the rest of the range of the term. "She flounced into the room", or "he flounced onto the sofa", can both be positive things, indicating a playful or enthusiastic state of mind, or just a state of mind that doesn't care what others think of them, not only a huff of anger.

But yeah, I agree with what you mean.
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Re: Non Participant

Postby Daryl » Tue Jan 23, 2018 3:13 am

Gusto10 wrote:I do think that if hoborob feels unwelcome, such signal should be taken serious. I don't know how many members there are, but I have the feeling that the discussions are conducted within a small group. Interaction does lacks at times. And some discussions aren't in my humble opinion a contribution to the idea of getting skirts worn by men accepted.


Many and perhaps most discussions are not direct contributions to "the idea of getting skirts worn by men accepted". That men who wear skirts are having discussions about everything else too is a far greater contribution to our common cause, IMO. It says that skirts aren't just for men whose main focus is skirts.

Now, if this were only an action-oriented group, off-topic discussions would be a drag on efficiency and a waste of resources, but this is more of a community than that, I think.
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Re: Non Participant

Postby skirtedMarine » Wed Feb 28, 2018 2:55 am

We're all stumbling through life, One thing I can say is that some of us silly P###ks here might be opinionated, academically inclined.... Politically motivated, and afflicted by Cranial Rectal inversion, but with time, I hope you might find the entertainment in the characters that I've found -ForFree! Cheers, from Oahu!
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