Need advice in Nebraska.

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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby rick401r » Sun Sep 14, 2014 2:31 pm

In my case, I started wearing traditional kilts and utility kilts around town, family, and friends. after a while I started wearing denim, kilt length skirts without any comments from anyone except from my 6 year old granddaughter who said I was silly. I don't do minis so that may be harder for some to accept.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Sinned » Mon Sep 15, 2014 7:20 am

You have Halloween coming up which is a "dress-up" time. Can you devise a costume that involves a skirt and then say after the event that you found it so comfortable that you might want to wear one sometimes normally? My introduction came through dressing up one New Years Eve as Freddy Mercury in that cross-dressing video to "I Want To Break Free" and went from there. Just an idea as it worked for me. I have had to since explain to them that I just wanted to wear a skirt and not dress as a woman or become a woman. MOH I think had intimated otherwise, or at least not done anything to dispel their perceptions. I have found MOH to be my biggest obstacle so you need to tackle your OH first as if she is on your side then most of your troubles are over. If she isn't then .... they may just be beginning! Don't mean to discourage you on that score but read some past posts and you'll find that for those of us where our OH's aren't accepting then it's far more troublesome than going out and about among the great unwashed.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dpinNE » Mon Sep 15, 2014 11:15 pm

Sinned wrote: I have found MOH to be my biggest obstacle so you need to tackle your OH first as if she is on your side then most of your troubles are over.
--That is what I figured. In a previous post I mentioned that she wasn't thrilled when she caught me with one of her skirts on. If I remember it right, she tolerated me wearing one for a while though not sure for how long. I don't remember what happened that caused me to stop. That was in the mid 1990s. I will have to come up with a way to bring it up. A Halloween costume would be one way.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dpinNE » Thu Sep 18, 2014 8:21 pm

skirtingtoday wrote:
dpinNE wrote:I did it! I went for a walk on our county highway and didn't hide. I walked about 1/2 mile from home and only three vehicles drove by. I think one of them slowed down or maybe wasn't driving fast in the first place. Anyway I kept on walking. Maybe next time I can go farther (didn't have enough time) or go on one of the trails around this area. A stretch of one of the trails runs parallel to another highway--just about ten feet from it. If I can walk that one then I'm definitely over the being seen part. It also get a fair number of walkers, runners and bicyclists too.

The part that sucked was having to take the skirt off to go get my kids from school.


Good stuff! :D - I bet your heart rate went up when the first car passed! Now that the initial hurdle is over, it really does become easier! 8) Hope the longer trail walk goes well.

I always regret having to take off the skirt as well.

Ross


Passing cars turned out to be nothing. There is a park across the street from a high school that has a trail running through it. I walked that trail a couple of days ago at around 4:00 pm or so. There were a few people on bicycles, a jogger and as I was rounding a corner--several high school kids running towards me. I was on the trail and they were on the gravel road that runs along it. I don't know if any of them saw me the first time but I'm sure they did later. I continued walking anyway. Then they all stopped at a point ahead of me along the trail. I stopped at a point too not too far from them--too nervous to continue. I had my cell phone with me and kept playing with it--just to keep my head down--(no confidence there!). I was wearing a hat and sun glasses so they couldn't see my face. I decided to turn around and head back. Then the coach told them to circle around the area I was walking. The roads running through the park split off into several different directions. So the kids had ample chances to see me and say something. I think one girl did say something--"Hi guy"--I'm sure it was directed to me but I was too nervous too respond. Nothing else was said. This is one time I wasn't being very confident. Being confident will certainly come. Probably because I wasn't expecting a whole bunch of kids. But then again, I should expect anything.

Then today I went on the same trail but went farther. I encountered only two people--a jogger and a walker--a lady and a gent. She didn't say anything and he said "How you doing?" to which I responded "Hi". No comments about the skirt yet. Of course it's only a few people.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Caultron » Thu Sep 18, 2014 11:13 pm

dpinNE wrote:[...] today I went on the same trail but went farther. I encountered only two people--a jogger and a walker--a lady and a gent. She didn't say anything and he said "How you doing?" to which I responded "Hi". No comments about the skirt yet. Of course it's only a few people.

Good for you and keep at it!

I'm sure your own trepidation is much greater than any negative reaction, if any, you'll receive.
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dillon » Fri Sep 19, 2014 12:35 am

DpinNE, if you are like me, you will soon enjoy smiling at the people you encounter, with a much improved sense of confidence. Your smile not only puts them at ease, but tells them that you are comfortable with your own unique character, and perhaps even disarms those who would scoff at your choice of dressing. Keep it up and enjoy being yourself!
As a matter of fact, the sun DOES shine out of my ...
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby skirtyscot » Fri Sep 19, 2014 5:32 am

DpinNE, you sound like I did when I started out. The important thing is not to be put off by your own fears - they will fade as time passes. You have to expect a fair few second glances or stares, but most people don't visibly react at all. Once you realise that most people really aren't interested in what you wear, you should find that your confidence grows hugely. :D
Keep on skirting,

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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby skirtingtoday » Fri Sep 19, 2014 8:34 am

Yes DpinNE - confidence will come with time. As with other comments, I too had issues with school kids but they were only in my head. You have already noticed that there is little if any reaction from other adults whether jogging, cycling or walking.

The same will apply to school kids - they are more concerned with their own friends - though I do believe that they are the more likely group to make comment(s) Normally that is confined to just a second look but I have never had any problems or negativity with them. Quite a few will simply smile and give a cheery wave.

Keep up the good work - small steps will become larger ones and all will become easier in due course.
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on" - Winston Churchill.
"If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it" - Joseph Goebbels
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dpinNE » Sat Sep 20, 2014 11:40 pm

Thanks for all the comments. I know it will get easier. It already has. Today on a very short walk I encountered two bicyclists--a woman and a man. Neither said anything but the man sure looked at me as he rode past. I thought to myself "there's my first stare" and I didn't really care. I was wearing a somewhat short skirt--the kind I like. Who knows what he was thinking. It would have been interesting to know what, though.

A few walks ago I wore sunglasses and a hat. The hat was to sort of hide my face if I met anyone as they got closer. The last two times I decided not to wear the hat. The first time I met no one on the trail. The second time was today. So I am starting to get to the point where I don't care if people see my face.

Although, a neighbors kid might have driven by me as I walked yesterday. It was a vehicle like theirs but not for sure. I slowed down has they rounded the corner and came back toward me. There was a tree between us so I'm not sure if they saw me. So I'm not to the point of having my neighbors kids see me yet (if that is who it was). They could see me if I wear one around my acreage.

I play with my cell phone a lot when I see someone coming. I suppose to avoid them until the last minute when I look up to see who they are.

I know a lot of this will disappear when my confidence grows. So far I have mostly only walked on trails and not on busier trails (the one next to a highway) and in the town where I live. Doing that will certainly show that I have gotten over being seen by a lot more people. I'm not there yet. As long as the temperature stays somewhat nice I will continue going out with the skirt on. It will suck when the temperature drops as it will in a few weeks. It would be kind of hard to be seen wearing a skirt when it's much cooler outside. Especially short ones.

I still have to tell MOH. I will probably just tell her when I feel the time is right--when I have confidence that's greater than what I have now.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby crfriend » Sat Sep 20, 2014 11:49 pm

dpinNE wrote:I still have to tell MOH. I will probably just tell her when I feel the time is right--when I have confidence that's greater than what I have now.
Offhand, I'd involve her right from the get-go. That's what I did with mine, and it's worked out quite well. If she's going to be non-supportive, or even outright hostile, it's better to get that out into the open early on.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Milfmog » Sun Sep 21, 2014 9:01 am

crfriend wrote:
dpinNE wrote:I still have to tell MOH. I will probably just tell her when I feel the time is right--when I have confidence that's greater than what I have now.
Offhand, I'd involve her right from the get-go. That's what I did with mine, and it's worked out quite well. If she's going to be non-supportive, or even outright hostile, it's better to get that out into the open early on.

I am with Carl on this. If you appear to be keeping it secret and she finds out it will look as though you believe it is something to hide and then you have a negative impression to overcome. Far better to be honest, at least about your interest and motivations, from the start.

Consider the position your other half would be in should a neighbour see you and then say something to her. "Was that your husband I saw wearing a skirt the other day?" could be a bombshell that neither of you need if is a surprise, but if the answer goes back along the lines of "Could have been, he prefers to wear a skirt sometimes, for the sheer comfort" the whole feel of the situation changes instantly.

It may be a cliché, but honesty really is the best policy (most of the time).

Have fun,


Ian.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dpinNE » Sun Sep 21, 2014 7:39 pm

That makes complete sense. I have thought about what if I see someone I know on one of my walks and what the ramifications might be not only to my wife but to my kids too. That's why, when I saw what I thought was our neighbors' kids truck, I slowed my walking down to stay hidden behind a tree. Their son and my daughter are in the same class at the same school. That group of kids was from the same school that I encountered a few days ago.

Like I have stated in a previous post, MOH does know I have worn skirts. She found a box of skirts that I had stashed away that I have never found. That has been within the last year so she knows about it but not about my recent skirt wearing. Now I just have to figure out how and when to bring it up.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Bamaskirting » Sun Mar 01, 2015 4:09 am

i can feel what you are going through. i am from south alabama myself and you just dont see this type of stuff. ive only seen one guy in a dress. he was some goth type. ive only been a member of this site for 20 minutes and may be in wrong place because i am a crossdresser. i do know i want to wear skirts and dresses and other girly things out in public without being ridiculed.
as far as bringing it out in open. i dont know. it may be best to just be straight up and talk about it. would be better than them finding out by other means. i give you many props for venturing out in public though.i sure want to.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Sinned » Sun Mar 01, 2015 9:11 pm

grlyby, You say that you are a cross-dresser. Well, if you work your way through the threads pretty much all of those here do not admit to being cross-dressers, but we all seem to sport some traditional female customisations apart from skirts and dresses. Such as tights, slips, ear-rings, jewellery, nail varnish so I suppose it's where you draw the line. It seems to be a common comment that we are not trying to be or dress like women, just have the freedom, as all women have, to wear the clothing and accessories that we feel comfortable with. This has nothing to do with sexuality, sexual identity or gender. Search this site and see how comfortable you are with our comments and welcome anyway.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby partlyscot » Mon Mar 02, 2015 3:43 am

When I told my "yet to be" GF, I did so by blurting out, "I'm a crossdresser!" because that was how I thought of myself back then. These days, while I do wear other female attire, ( underwear and hosiery ) I don't in my own mind think of myself much that way any more. There is a bit of fetishism in it, but mostly it's about showing an aspect of myself that I can't an other way. No, I don't want to be a woman. No, I don't want to appear, as a woman. I do want to dress in a way that women are "expected" to, or to display in a way that they do. I want to have the freedom to wear WTF I want, as long as it meets legal standards. I found that skirts are so much simpler in a lot of ways, and much more comfortable.

A lot of people would think of the way I'm headed as wanting to be more "feminine" but I don't accept that. I am trying, in my own little corner of the world, to redefine what it means to be masculine or feminine.

dpniNE, I hope you come back on here and tell us how it is going with your wife. My opinion on it, is you should raise the subject directly. It doesn't sit well with me to be indirect like this. The idea that she found your stash and just "disappeared" it, that doesn't sound like a healthy way for things to work. Whether you should be up front, and potentially cause a break up? You know her better than we, but it sounds like you are risking a blow up any way. Better to be up front about it I think. At least that way you can hold your head up high and say you weren't trying to deceive her or keep something hidden. If you are not going that route, I suggest you stop with the outside expeditions. At some point that will come back to her.
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