Just when I thought

[STEVIE]

......that I had no more "firsts" to report, I have found one and it is rather odd.
I will start by saying that my parents died, as far as I know, unaware of my preferences for skirts.
They are buried in a local cemetery and it is a family tradition to place a holly wreath on the grave on Christmas Day.
This year, for the very first time I will be honouring it alone and I am fine with that.
I don't have any deep religious belief so no worries about being observed from on high, a notion of guilt or being disrespectful.
However, I feel it would be hypocritical not to wear a skirt or a dress. The paradox is that I am equally sure that I will feel really weird about it too.
I am sure there has to be some deep seated psychology going on but I am damned if I know exactly what.
My instinct is that the indoctrination we suffered against non-conformity can still make it's presence felt long after we think it has been overcome.
Steve.

[Barleymower]

......that I had no more "firsts" to report, I have found one and it is rather odd.
I will start by saying that my parents died, as far as I know, unaware of my preferences for skirts.
They are buried in a local cemetery and it is a family tradition to place a holly wreath on the grave on Christmas Day.
This year, for the very first time I will be honouring it alone and I am fine with that.
I don't have any deep religious belief so no worries about being observed from on high, a notion of guilt or being disrespectful.
However, I feel it would be hypocritical not to wear a skirt or a dress. The paradox is that I am equally sure that I will feel really weird about it too.
I am sure there has to be some deep seated psychology going on but I am damned if I know exactly what.
My instinct is that the indoctrination we suffered against non-conformity can still make it's presence felt long after we think it has been overcome.
Steve.

Stevie I feel like this all the time. Everytime I ask myself the same question "how would a woman feel in these clothes?".

[crfriend]

My instinct is that the indoctrination we suffered against non-conformity can still make it's presence felt long after we think it has been overcome.

You may well be onto something with that observation, but the time I went out to see the layout before my father's ashes were buried in my grandmother's family plot (right next to her) I quite deliberately wore a skirt. Also on the last time I went to visit "the family" -- and on both occasions carried functional mementos of the generations in the form of my timepieces. I felt a sense of belongingness there, almost as if the former generations were somehow welcoming me.

[SkirtsDad]

I feel it would be hypocritical not to wear a skirt or a dress

Have you taken some sort of solemn oath not to ever wear trousers again? Where is the hypocrisy? Surely you are still at liberty to wear any clothes of your choosing, with those choices possibly being influenced by the environment where you will be wearing them.

Being introspective, if I were visiting my mother's grave (she died before my skirt wearing started) I could wear what i like as I know that she would have been accepting of anything. My father is still around, but if not then it would go one of two ways, either I would maintain the decorum held up until now, or I would i would use it as an opportunity to stick two fingers up, knowing he couldn't answer back, hehe

[denimini]

I have only worn a skirt to one funeral where the family organising it said "Casual dress please" as that was consitent with the sort of guy the deceased was.
Other funerals I play it safe and wear pants as not to cause any chance of upset of people already feeling fragile. It is a personal decision of mine which I am at ease with.
When I attended a funeral of a nephew I wore pants, although many close relatives have seen me in skirts, again because it was a "safe" choice considering other family members. My brother told me later that some close relatives were espostulating about what I might wear and his son suggested it might be a black mini skirt.

[STEVIE]

Have you taken some sort of solemn oath not to ever wear trousers again? Where is the hypocrisy?

In some respects to myself, I guess I have. However, it is more a case that I choose when to compromise no one else.
I did say it is weird and part of that is knowing that Dad's disapproval would have been total, Mum's unknown but likely nearer his.
I have chosen not to attend certain family weddings on basis of clothing choice, funerals I'd consider differently.
Steve.

[STEVIE]

"how would a woman feel in these clothes?".

Physically, pretty much the same, but not likely emotionally.
Simply, she can be sure that it is "permitted", most men have still to capture that knowledge and confidence.
Steve.

[mishawakaskirt]

This is my thoughts. I would feel more comfortable wearing a skirt in a cemetery than to a funeral.

My concerns are for that of the living.
Much like other important events wearing a skirt seems to be too be too out there. I don't want to be the center piece of the special event. Funeral, wedding, ceremony, church.
I don't want to be a distraction or what people remember about that particular event. I'd rather not be the centerpiece.
Regardless if the attention is positive or negative.

Unless I got a invite and blessing to wear a skirt prior to the event by the primary host.

Eg if a cafe member gets married and him and his spouse conveyed it for other MIS to skirt up for the event.
I would be there in a skirt, dress shirt and tie.

Going back to my initial comments wearing skirts doesn't bother me, it's peoples potential reactions or being a distraction to the event that bothers me.
Therefore I enjoy being alone in a skirt. Going hiking, camping, driving.
I have worn a skirt to church but when no one is there (I have a key to the building to help perform cleaning and maintenance work)

[Ray]

An interesting post, particularly in the matter of attention seeking.

When I go to a wedding, I always wear a kilt, and sometimes my kilt suit. Yes, it gathers attention, but so again does a woman in a particularly attractive dress.

My intent is not to gather attention, but to wear something smart which reflects me, the person. If my attire deflects attention from, say, the groom - my view is that (a) people are focusing on the wrong thing, or (b) the groom should have tried harder*

* only joking. I subscribe to viewpoint (a).

[Barleymower]

"how would a woman feel in these clothes?".

Physically, pretty much the same, but not likely emotionally.
Simply, she can be sure that it is "permitted", most men have still to capture that knowledge and confidence.
Steve.

This defines the situation Stevie. I ask myself who permits this? Of course society is the answer.
That's the easy answer. In this this situation I ask: "who, exactly?: show them to me, let them put their baseless, fagile case. I don't need to argue just talk to them about it and watch their argument fall apart.

[STEVIE]

This is my thoughts. I would feel more comfortable wearing a skirt in a cemetery than to a funeral.

As it happens, the decision has now swung, the one absolute compromise is for my daughter.
She has just offered to be driver, so her mother can take herself to church.
Trousers of some it will be!

When I go to a wedding, I always wear a kilt,

That is where we would differ Ray. As a Scot, at a wedding the "Kilt" is expected, almost demanded in some cases. A guy in a skirt would really attract undue attention, possible controversy. I would not do that and simply choose to be absent. I'm the "black enough sheep" as it is, I don't need to give my bloody family more ammo to fire at me. Saves money too.

I ask: "who, exactly?: show them to me,

No answer to that BM, except take life as it comes. Deal with it as it happens and do not pre-empt situations, no percentage.
Be cool, your kids might say "Chill"!
Steve.

[Ray]

Steve, I get where you’re coming from. I think we’re on the same page. My kilts aren’t tartan -but nor are they straight skirts. My self-expression still conforms to a large extent. I’d never go further unless I had the express approval of the bride and groom.

[STEVIE]

Steve, I get where you’re coming from. I think we’re on the same page. My kilts aren’t tartan -but nor are they straight skirts. My self-expression still conforms to a large extent. I’d never go further unless I had the express approval of the bride and groom.

Seems we are Ray.
For me, "express approval" would have to be volunteered, I would not seek it.
Actually, solid colours would work okay as long as long as they stayed in the very muted ranges.
At a Scot's wedding you would probably go unremarked.
Hope that you can try one sometime.
Steve.

[Ray]

Me too.

Have a great Christmas, Steve.

[STEVIE]

.........and to you Ray.
Plus anyone else who may be listening wherever you are.
Steve.