A Contrarian View of Miss-identification
Posted: Sat Mar 28, 2020 11:13 am
Any of you who have closely followed my posts know that before I got my new hair from the Hair Club, I prided myself on not being mistaken for a woman or even a transsexual. Looking back, I have to wonder why I thought so much of myself in that regard; I mean who's going to mistake an older, slightly paunchy, bald guy with a mere ring of grey hair for a woman, no matter what he was wearing!
Nonetheless, that's how I felt, so the first time right after I got my new hair that someone referred to me as a "lady," I felt obliged to correct the person and rather archly at that. It didn't take me very long to regret having done that, because the woman at that shop was trying to be respectful, she just miscategorized me. A few weeks later my revised view of things was confirmed when one of the women at Hair Club pointed out to me that, "There are a lot more varieties of gender diversity out there than most people are aware of." That confirmed my feeling that if someone mistakes me for a woman in transition I shouldn't be offended; that other person is just doing the best they can.
If it's a place I frequent and therefore will want the people who work there to know me for who I am, then I'll politely and gently correct them. If I don't think I'll see the person again, I'll just let it go. Though to be honest, if the person who has misidentified has pissed me off in some other manner, I reserve the right to be snarky when I correct them.
A good friend of mine is a gay woman and it's quite common that wait staff or shop associates will refer to us as "you ladies." It became a topic of running debate as to whether they mistook me for a woman, which I guess I found flattering as a confirmation of how nice I looked, or, as my friend feels that "they're just trying to be PC." As I suggested, I didn't want it to be no more than that so the question remained open for me. One night after I worked late I had dinner alone at a fairly nice, almost empty and overpriced restaurant near my office. From our first words to our last, my waiter called me "Ma'am." The place was kind of dark and I was variously amused, flattered and intrigued.
So after I signed my credit card slip, including a generous tip, I asked my waiter if he had actually taken me to be a woman. He said, "God no! Why? Did I call you 'Ma'am?'"
I said, "All night long!" Which I kind of regretted because the poor guy was mortified and fell over himself apologizing. I told him, "No! No! No! I was kind of flattered." But I just had to know. It didn't matter he apologized a few more times.
So there you have it; the only sense I could make of the whole situation was he saw my dress and just reflexively said, "Ma'am" instead of "Sir." It was habitual. Clearly, there are any number of reasons someone might call any one of us "Ma'am" instead of "Sir" and vanishingly few of them are malicious.
So just as we expect people to cut us slack, let's do likewise for the folks who mistakenly refer to us as females; we don't have to get pissy about it.
Nonetheless, that's how I felt, so the first time right after I got my new hair that someone referred to me as a "lady," I felt obliged to correct the person and rather archly at that. It didn't take me very long to regret having done that, because the woman at that shop was trying to be respectful, she just miscategorized me. A few weeks later my revised view of things was confirmed when one of the women at Hair Club pointed out to me that, "There are a lot more varieties of gender diversity out there than most people are aware of." That confirmed my feeling that if someone mistakes me for a woman in transition I shouldn't be offended; that other person is just doing the best they can.
If it's a place I frequent and therefore will want the people who work there to know me for who I am, then I'll politely and gently correct them. If I don't think I'll see the person again, I'll just let it go. Though to be honest, if the person who has misidentified has pissed me off in some other manner, I reserve the right to be snarky when I correct them.
A good friend of mine is a gay woman and it's quite common that wait staff or shop associates will refer to us as "you ladies." It became a topic of running debate as to whether they mistook me for a woman, which I guess I found flattering as a confirmation of how nice I looked, or, as my friend feels that "they're just trying to be PC." As I suggested, I didn't want it to be no more than that so the question remained open for me. One night after I worked late I had dinner alone at a fairly nice, almost empty and overpriced restaurant near my office. From our first words to our last, my waiter called me "Ma'am." The place was kind of dark and I was variously amused, flattered and intrigued.
So after I signed my credit card slip, including a generous tip, I asked my waiter if he had actually taken me to be a woman. He said, "God no! Why? Did I call you 'Ma'am?'"
I said, "All night long!" Which I kind of regretted because the poor guy was mortified and fell over himself apologizing. I told him, "No! No! No! I was kind of flattered." But I just had to know. It didn't matter he apologized a few more times.
So there you have it; the only sense I could make of the whole situation was he saw my dress and just reflexively said, "Ma'am" instead of "Sir." It was habitual. Clearly, there are any number of reasons someone might call any one of us "Ma'am" instead of "Sir" and vanishingly few of them are malicious.
So just as we expect people to cut us slack, let's do likewise for the folks who mistakenly refer to us as females; we don't have to get pissy about it.